(Closed) My fiancé may be REQUIRED to go to a strip club for work.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 137
Member
7244 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Ellegee:  +1!!!!!

Post # 138
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@the_future_mrs:  I agree with you 100%. It’s a pretty common situation here, though. In general, these threads start and unless everyone agrees that she should be upset, you’re labelled a bitch.

Post # 139
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@RnbwznPuppies:  Sad fact: every time I checked this thread, I checked to see if you had posted. I was beginning to wonder if you’d gotten banned or something, hahaha

Post # 140
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@peonyinlove:  This, pretty much. He isn’t selling anything to the strippers. He will have to be cheerful and polite to them so as not to alienate managers/bar managers/etc. but he probably won’t be going there while they’re open and even if he does he will probably be in the office. 

If anyone offers him some free drinks or a lap dance or whatever, he should politely let them know that he has an awesome lady at home who does that for him! 

Since you say he’s faithful, he’s probably not excited for it to see naked girls, he’s probaby excited because it’s kind of a high-status job and it sounds cool to say to other dudes.

You’re not crazy. I just think he is misunderstanding what he has to do for the job and you’re responding to his poor estimation. 

Post # 141
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@the_future_mrs: oh yeh. I’ve been avoiding weddingbee. can’t be honest or express much passion without offending someone. it killed my desire to contribute much.

Post # 142
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

[Comment moderated for personal attack]

Anyway, this would seriously aggravate me. Then I would wonder why he said he was “excited” about the strip club, which seems like a jerk move since he wouldn’t have said that around you. 

Post # 143
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Just a few things in your OP that caught my eye:

“he has been having a very hard time finding a job that he likes”
“I really think that he need a new job for his self-esteem.”
“he is excited about it, and they pay over twice as much as he is making right now.”

I know you said you’re looking for ways to cope with feeling uncomfortable about his potential job so I’m not going to tell you you’re being irrational or that your Fiance shouldn’t take the job. Just look at those 3 statements you made above. Any time you feel insecure or uncomfortable about the situation, read those 3 statements and remind yourself how this job could make your Fiance happier and more confident in himself. I’m not trying to completely disregard your feelings about being in a strip club but you seem to really care about your FI’s happiness and self-esteem and I think reminding yourself that this job is really good for him mentally/financially might help with your feelings of discomfort.

Post # 144
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@the_future_mrs:  +1

 

The problem is not that people are bashing those who are against strip clubs, but that any advice or questions that wasn’t exactly what the OP wanted to hear, she flipped out. Don’t ask for advice on a public forum and then get upset when you hear something that isn’t what you want to hear. 

Post # 145
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

[Comment moderated for name calling]

My views maybe as such because I am very liberal person and I am also athiest. Yes, I have a monogomous relationship but I trust my partner to be faithful to me and I give him the benefit of the doubt.

That is what is missing in OP’s relationship: she is not giving him the benefit of the doubt that he willl not want to pursue a stripper but he is doing his job because he wants to support his family. 

Post # 149
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

OP, I think a long talk with your Fiance is in order.  I know you said you shut down conversation because you thought you would become emotional or angry, but you need to be able to have serious, honest discussions in a marriage.  Maybe it would help you to write down your thoughts to help compose yourself before talking to him.  The hard part will be taking the emotion/possible anger out of it.

Post # 150
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@jbeath1:  why ? So he would come home and want to have sex with you ? Or do you think he is thinking about “those girls” when he is with you ? 

 

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