(Closed) My fiancé may be REQUIRED to go to a strip club for work.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 152
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@karineh:  lol +100000000!

Post # 153
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I’m a lurker and not a poster, but the reaction from the crowd is so surprising. The girl has feelings, and she is trying to validate them within her own set of morals. It’s no ones job to tell her she is unreasonable. Don’t open the thread if you don’t like what she has to say. Let someone else walk through her concerns with her if you can’t do it. Weddingbee has attracted a lot of catty elitist girls who believe that their aethiest liberal “openminded-ness” makes them superior to more socially/sexually conservative girls. They obviously aren’t openminded enough to even come close to understanding a differing opinion.  If it doesn’t apply to you and you can only criticize without offering constructive advice then move on. Start another thread about conservative girls, but what do you accomplish by bashing them on their own thread? 

OP – your boy was being a boy and trying to impress his friend. I consider myself atheist FWIW, but culturally I believe my eyes should look at my husband’s body and my body should only be seen by my husband – not the world.  And, I expect the same respect from him. It’s not a riduclous concept, even today. Just talk through it…

Post # 154
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No one was bashing her, just her reaction to people actually trying to help her. I almost never comment on posts other than dress posts but I felt compelled to respond to this thread because of her negative attitude towards anyone not telling her exactly what she wants to hear. 

Post # 155
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I know from experience that as a wine or alcohol rep (his new job), he will not talk to the strippers to build a rapport to sell his product. He will be strictly dealing with the managers who are responsible for ordering alcohol. 

That being said, for most of the wine or alcohol reps I know, bribes and favors are all normal parts of their dealings. Again, from personal experience, the reps would give gift cards, rare wines, VIP sports event tickets or concert tickets. I don’t know his situation, but I doubt him spending his money on strippers and therefore putting money in the club would be incentive enough for the managers. Then again, it may be. 

That being said, it’s ultimately his decision. Sounds like he knows where you stand on strip clubs, but it’s not like he’s leaving an awesome job for a crappy one just because strip clubs are involved. If you trust him 100% then I suggest you should support his decision. 

Post # 156
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

you say that building a rapport with the strippers is cheating… okay so building a rapport = talking. So now talking to strippers is cheating. If he got a job, ANY job and you found out one of his regular customers was a stipper/ hooker/ prostitute would he be cheating then?

say if he worked at a fuel station and worked every thursday night. every thursday night a stripper comes on the way home to fill her tank and he has to serve her

Post # 157
Member
327 posts
Helper bee

it is just a job, let him be. as long as he knows how you feel about it. just like my bf who like to get massage  (back problem) and spa where he will get his back scrub, i don’t mind he goes to those places as all the workers are male in the spa and ladies and man at the massage shop. but most of his friends wives forbid their husband to go as they think the places are not legal. but this just makes their man want to go there ad didnt tell the ladies the truth

Post # 158
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@hillbillyjane. expecting only positive feedback to a viewpoint that it not within the social norms is unrealistic. If the OP had said she was worried about her boyfriend having a gay dance club on his route, or a black dance club, I wouldn’t expect anyone to validate her feelings.

Sometimes the advice you seek is not what you want to hear. It doesn’t mean people hate you, or are being mean. It means that sometimes no one agrees with you! You can accept that graciously, or perhaps even use it to help you grow, or you can get defensive and shut down.

Post # 159
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@hillbillyjane: what ? people are catty for stating an opinion when asked ? 

Post # 160
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t know him or your relationship personally. You need to talk to him more about this so that he can comfort you on the situation.

Post # 161
Member
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

OP, do you think you’re upset because you said he sounded “excited” to get to work at a strip club?

 

Post # 162
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

[Comment moderated for snark/baiting]

Post # 163
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

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@karineh:  Congratulations on finding such a faithful guy. My question is, if a guy is not deriving sexual pleasure from seeing a naked woman, then what is he doing at a strip club? Offering prayer to the Lord?

Post # 164
Member
2678 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

Not to open a whole new can of worms or invalidate how you feel regardless of how it all transpired, but why were you looking through his texts to begin with?  Is there a trust issue within your relationship together that has made this whole stripper thing uncomfortable for you?

I don’t see an issue with it all, but then again, I’m not you & I didn’t marry your fiance ;]

Why is this against your morals?  Do you ever see yourself getting past this?  If not, you need to have a serious & frank talk with him.

Post # 165
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@stephanie091512:  I think someone else asked the “Why were you looking through his texts” question and it was never really responded to.

 

ETA: Nevermind, she did answer it. She said he has his texts set up to pop up on his computer screen, and she was using his computer.

Post # 166
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I just want to ask, will these girls actually be NAKED? I would have thought that they would be in lingerie and only be naked for private dances? If that’s the case then surely it’s the same as him working at a poolside bar etc. where people are in bikinis? As others have said, the more time they spend with him the less money they make, so sure they will say hi from time to time but they’re going to spend as little time with him as possible. I’m sure he will be excited the first time or two but then it will be just part of the scenery that he probs won’t even notice.

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