(Closed) My fiancé may be REQUIRED to go to a strip club for work.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 92
Member
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

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@MsFoxxy:  Thank you.  I completely agree, and that is what I am getting at.  Dh and I find those places to be incredibly low brow, in poor taste, and we do not subscribe to the commercialization of sex in any form.

My Grandfather owned and operated several bars in our area (before my time) and told me it was terrible on his marriage.  While this job is not exactly the same thing, my point is that some jobs just are not worth it!  Our family and marriage is n.1, so we do not entertain anything in our lives that is not conducive to that, that does not support that. 

Post # 93
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I guess it boils down to trust. In the world of complete trust, you wouln’t be worried that your husband/FI was hanging around strippers due to work beacause you trusted him to be faithful NO MATTER WHAT.

However…my SO has a saying he likes to use. If you’re on a diet…don’t hang out around the dessert cart. I think it’s important that you tell him what your fears are, but anticipate the fact that he might interpret your fears as “you don’t trust me to be faithful”. When/if he replies with that, kindly remind him that your vows also include honoring your spouse. If at any time you feel that he is disrespecting you due to his job, it’s officially become not okay. Don’t be naive, but if you think he’s worthy of complete trust then you have to walk that talk.

Post # 95
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@jbeath1:  can you explain your definition of cheating? I’m gathering it’s being aroused by other women, but could be wrong.

Post # 96
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

OP, I would be uncomfortable too. I would know rationally that it’s professional and good for the bills but would still feel uncomfortable because like you, those places are not really consistent with our values and what is “okay” for our relationship. And like you, I would probably let my Fiance know I was uncomfortable with it and seek reassurance, but not keep him from taking the job.

I think what is the worst about the situation was his reaction text to his friend about being excited about having the strip club as a client. Who cares if he was being “macho” or “cool” to his friends… it would still hurt and feel like a slap in the face. It would definitely make me question if his excitement about taking the job was that it was a better-paying job or a way to get to spend some time in a strip club. Again, I would know rationally I had nothing to worry about, but would still feel hurt/uncomfortable by his reaction, like you.

One time when I was with my ex-boyfriend he asked his brother what he had done the previous night. His brother said “strip club” and my ex said “so jealous!” I know it’s irrational but I flipped out. We were in a long-distance relationship and it was my first day seeing him in several months. It felt like a slap in the face.

I would talk to him. Tell him your concerns and how his reaction to his friend made you feel. I think he needs to reassure you about his feelings about the job, especially since strip clubs was something you had both already established were a source of discomfort.

Good luck to you, OP! I hope everything words out and it turns out to be not a big deal at all!

Post # 97
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@jbeath1:  this may be a non issue but I’m curious.

Is this a full nude club or will the ladies be wearing a gstring, bottoms, or bikini?

Where I’m from- if strip clubs are serving alcohol, the ladies need to keep clothes on. It’s the byob/non serving places that are questionable at times (from experience of being a patron at them).

on iPhone- excuse any weirdness plz

Post # 98
Member
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@jbeath1:  I never said that you’re crazy! You’re not crazy. At all.

All I’m trying to say is that yes, they may be naked, but there’s actually less possibility of something happening in a strip club setting than if he were alone with a clothed female friend.

I would much rather my guy have to go to strip clubs for work than be hanging out alone with a female friend.

You might not believe it, but the novelty does wear off and they do blend into the background after a while. Like I said, I’ve been to a strip club and it totally eased any fears that I ever had about strippers. I went for a bachelorette party.

 

Post # 99
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Don’t worry about anyone calling you crazy, OP, we get banned if we do that.

Post # 101
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think you need to define your definition of cheating b/c that will just open this post up to more comments that may be hurtful to you.  I think the best thing you can do is to focus on what you can do to make yourself feel better if this is going to happen and you both really need the extra income.

You are NOT crazy.  I completely understand.  I also understand while you probably rather him not take the job, it’s an option that is hard to turn down at the moment.  I think what I would do is ask him about what he meant by the text and how that makes you feel.  I honestly think that in the end, it won’t be as bad as it seems right now…that he will just have to go for his job and that’s it.  I just know it’s hard to not imagine the worst (I always do).  I think the more you are able to talk about it, the better it will be.  But, I know I would be saying a prayer that he gets another job soon that pays the same or more, without the perks of a strip club. 🙂

Post # 102
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Well she says being in a strip club is cheating, so I’d say that warrants an explanation. How the fuck do we give advice if we don’t understand the original post?

Post # 103
Member
1713 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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@the_future_mrs:  I concur. We need to first find out WHAT her definition of cheating is in order to help her more effectively. 

Post # 105
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

lol, okay then.

Post # 106
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

I would be uncomfortable if I were in your position, because my ex used to light up at the mention of strippers and the amazing lap dance he used to get from them before he met me. He used to talk about it in such a lecherous tone that would make me so uncomfortable. So I guess it boils down to how your man is acting about the whole thing. If he’s like no biggie, I’m just doing my job then you wouldn’t freak out I guess. Has he given you the vibe that he is going to take advantage of the fact that he will be the distributor there and he’ll drop in occasionally? If so, and if he has an eye for pretty girls then I guess you should let him know about your discomfort.

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