(Closed) My fiancé may be REQUIRED to go to a strip club for work.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
4025 posts
Honey bee

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@jbeath1: OP, I think it is more a matter of having open and clear communication as other PP’s have stated. Perhaps, if he gets the job, once he has been there for a while you could do a ride a long with him like another PP did so you are more comfortable.

While not exactly the same, my Fiance works in retail at a copy/design center. He has to create, copy and deliver flyers to all sorts of businesses including strip clubs, marijuana shops, adult book/video stores, sketchy bars/clubs and many other interesting places. While I am not morally opposed to these places, they are definitely businesses that we would not frequent or go to in our normal lives. However, him going to these businesses to make deliveries does not negatively impact our relationship.

His job even requires him to design flyers that have pictures of half naked women and racy photos that he has to photoshop/edit! Some of the photos are borderline (or techincally are) porn! Is it uncomfortable at times? Yes. But I trust my Fiance and if I ever ask to see what he is working on, he will show me. He is not doing these things for his pleasure, he is doing it for a paycheck.

Lastly, your Fiance is probably way more excited about the fact that he will have a paycheck bump. My Fiance has also struggled with employment since being laid off and he has a master’s degree. Working in retail, he barely makes ends meet, he would be beyond stoked to get twice as much money! I would say just be open about how work is going and what its like.

I personally think that considering someone entering a strip club to be cheating a little too broad/extreme, but I am not judging you for it. You just have to decide how YOU will let this job impact (or not impact) your relationship. In my mind, everything starts off neutral, its how you interpret that decides how it impacts your life.

Good luck!

Post # 108
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hmmm I may be opposite of everyone else. I totally understand where you are coming from and if this was my Fiance he would too and do everything in his power to make me feel ok about it. Actually, he probably wouldn’t even take the job because he just wouldn’t like it. Most guys probably wouldnt put up with me, but my Fiance understands me and I understand him. But its really what is more important to you two… the money, not having any grudges in your relationship, etc. I think situations like these and your relationship’s boundaries may need to be talked over and defined? Good luck and stay strong! 🙂 your thoughts are not wrong, just everyone has different opinions and levels of comfort.

Post # 109
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

He shouldn’t have to build rapport with strippers, but with the manager in charge of purchasing alcohol. I highly doubt it’ll end up with him spending much time around naked women, if any.

Post # 110
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Suck it up, Buttercup. If you want your SO to better himself and his earning potential, you’re going to have to get over your issues. He’s not going to the strip club to get his rocks off, he’s going to make money. This is definitely more your issue than it is his. Hopefully you don’t allow your feelings to influence his job prospect. You wouldn’t want him to resent you over this.

Post # 111
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@littlemisst08:  Your post was very thoughtful and kind. I didn’t read ALL the posts but I hope you got a thank you. I couldnt see one from the OP but just wanted you to know if you had answered my post I’d be very appreciative. : ) 

Post # 112
6352 posts
Bee Keeper

I broke up with someone who told me he wouldn’t go into an aspect of his career that I considered unethical (he agreed with me at the time that it was unethical), then later changed his mind because there was “more money in that direction” rather than the ethical direction he could have taken.

No regrets on being rid of him, none at all!

Nothing to do with strip clubs in my instance (more about cruelty to animals), but ethics matter and you shouldn’t let yours be violated just for money. I am not ok with letting Fiance (or exes) in strip clubs either. They all managed. Sure, to save a child from a burning strip club, fine. Just as a client for work when there are so many other options that don’t damage our relationship? Nope. There is no reason to “suck it up, Buttercup.” Some of these replies to your post are ridiculous and rude. It’s just a job! Other things in life are worth much more than that.

Post # 114
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@Puffthemagicdragon:  Oh yes, because a job always comes before your SO’s feelings…. 

Some of these responses are a little rude imo.  I feel like your partner should respect your feelings more than a job or $$.  It just feels like a lot of people are saying “screw your feelings, take the $$” which is unbelievably sad to me.  Besides, didn’t the OP say that this job isn’t really going to further her SO in his profession?  Not worth it… to me, anyway.

OP, I hope you have a nice heart to heart with your SO & come to a conclusion that works for both of you!

Post # 115
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Word of advice: when you ask for advice, you may not hear what you want to hear. 

Post # 116
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@jbeath1:  It is because you said by simply being in a room with naked women, you consider that cheating.  Many just personally think that is a bit overboard.  When you ask for opinions, you will get them. 


I’m from Louisiana and Mardi Gras is a big part  of my culture.  And, there is nudity involved in certain areas of New Orleans during festivities(don’t necessarily agree with it personally and I would never participate, but it is part of Mardi Gras there).  So, by your example, if me and my husband happen to be on Bourbon Street, having fun at Mardi Gras….and he sees a woman bare her breasts for beads, he has just cheated???

Post # 119
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

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@jbeath1:  Whether or not you are okay with him going to the strip club for business purposes is totally your call. I think it won’t be as bad as you are imagining, but it’s your relationship and you and your fiance are the only ones who can decide what is within your comfort zone. 

That said, I’d be willing to bet that the text message to his friend was partly a joke and partly an attempt to look macho. If he’s generally trustworthy, I would take him at his word that he is only there to sell alcohol and meet the managers.

Post # 120
2891 posts
Sugar bee

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@karineh:  True but some of the “advice” wasn’t really advice but rather others literally telling her that she’s irrational. Nothing she had said was irrational and labeling others as almost crazy is in no way constructive/helpful advice. 

To everyone else, I would also like to point out that she chose not to fully elaborate on what she identifies as “cheating” within their relationshiop and judgements comparing her relationship to others have no real place because the bounds of your relationship are different than hers. It’s like someone telling a person who feels porn is cheating that they are crazy or exaggerating. It’s their relationship and if they’ve agreed on those boundaries then they are theirs and theirs only to adhere to. The “if you don’t like it then tough luck bud” responses aren’t helpful either. She even said that she’s identified the advice that is useful to her and that she would be having a second conversation with her partner to clear the air and gain a better understanding of the situation. If that’s crazy then I don’t know what’s sane.

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