Post # 122
I think there has to be something said about controling your partner, what he can or cannot do.
If being around naked women is a worry for cheating, then you better make sure he does not play video games, he covers his eyes from billboards, TV/Internet advertisement, and even some movies- keep it PG-13. Heck, put parental controls on his computer, you never know if he is watching porn or not.
Post # 123
The issue here is that she wants advice on how to cope, but isn’t giving any details. It’s like walking into a doctor’s office and saying that you’re sick, but refusing to describe your symptoms. How are we supposed to give her advice? We can’t. She wanted a place to complain, basically. Which is fine, I can empathize with ranting. We all do it.
What annoys me is that she gets defensive about the replies on here. Of course we’re telling her she’s being irrational- she’s implied that looking at naked women is equatable to cheating. We’ve asked her to clarfiy, she’s chosen not to. She dug her own grave.
So yeah, my open-mindedness has decreased at this point. If OP had prefaced some of this with an explanation, I could respect her beliefs. [content moderated for personal attack]
Also, Weddingbee isn’t a catty place. If anything, it’s a bunch of rainbows and butterflies because we’re generally not allowed to give an opinion that could be remotely perceived as malicious. So given that, when you have the majority of the posters saying that they disagree with you, and you’re being irrational…it’s probably a sign that you’re presenting yourself in a less-than-rational manner.
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Post # 124
Thanks. She did say thank you, no worries. 🙂
I’m glad I had to leave this thread when I did. It turned into harsh words and a little nastiness pretty quick.
Post # 125
MsFozzy: The guy is going to more than likely spend a matter of minutes in that establishment. If he chooses to linger and check out a dance or two, that’s on him. If he knows how the OP feels about strip clubs in general, he’ll get his business done and then hightail it out of there.
You say that the job isn’t going to further him in his profession… the guy is currently making $20k and this new job would be more than twice that. Doubling ones income is furthering a profession. I don’t know where you’re from but around here, $20k is basically poverty level. Good luck living on that.
Frankly, I think the OP is overreacting. She’s allowed to feel the way she does about strip clubs (even if I happen to think they’re harmless) but she shouldn’t let her emotions interfere with a good business opportunity for her SO. If he was say… slaughtering animals, then I could see this kind of reaction but not spending 20 minutes in a club where he probably won’t even have any kind of contact with anyone besides the owner/manager. Last I checked, doughbaggery isn’t in the air. If he doesn’t want to watch a show, he’s not going to.
Post # 126
after reading all the posts I don’t really think she wanted advice, but rather to have her feelings qualified.
Post # 127
End of the original post. OP asks what to do. We tell her, OP does not like answers.
And when you go online to have feelings validated, it’s inevitable that everybody isn’t going to agree with you. So she really took that risk voluntarily.
Post # 128
gonna have to agree with you there.
Post # 129
Furthering a profession & making more money are two different things… I could go sell drugs on the side & make more money, but it’s not furthering the profession I actually want to be in. That was point I was trying to make.. and I’m pretty sure that’s what she meant by that. I don’t think that this job is in the field that he went to school for or desires to be in… And yeah, 20k is barely anything here, either, but I’ve had a salary that low before and I survived. I wasn’t going to sacrifice my morals to live more comfortably.. though I’m sure it could have been done easily.
But with that said, I’m done with this thread. I hope the OP got the advice she needed & all turns out fine.
Post # 130
I would be more worried about if I had to eat maccaroni and cheese for a year instead of something better. You already know he loves you and worships you, the stripper’s don’t hold a candle. My SO goes out whenever he wants because I trust him 100%. How do you feel when he goes out with the boys?
Post # 131
She was asking for advice on how to cope and honestly just saying ‘suck it up’ obviously doesn’t help.
She doesn’t need to define her views on cheating any more than she did. She said that looking at naked women in a strip club environment is cheating to HER and that is HER feelings on the matter. People need to stop invalidating others feelings everytime they have the opposite view.
I really don’t understand the complete intolerance on this board for anyone who doesn’t like strippers or specifically THEIR partner being around naked women. That is THEIR choice and they are entitled to it.
Post # 132
OP, I think you and your Fiance need to have another conversation regarding boundaries. You say he used to go to strip clubs before he met you, and that you are the one that has moral objections to strip clubs. Are you sure he didn’t just agree with you at the time to make you happy? He clearly has no moral objections to it. I think you need to sit down and get his true feelings re strip clubs in general and then reach a compromise. Maybe he actually enjoys it and now that he may be able to use work as a legit excuse does make him excited? I think it may be like porn in many relationships – we can’t really change the behaviour and tell our men they can never look at porn again but we can ask them to be discreet about it…
Post # 133
Agree, their choice and they are totally entitled to it but then WHY come here and ask for advice? OP is clearly decided that she doesn’t want Fiance to take this job due to her definition of “cheating” but is still asking for advice and doesn’t like the general response?
If you’re that decided that YOUR man can’t be around strippers, don’t take to the internet to ask strangers to agree with you.
Post # 134
Uh, I never said to suck it up, actually.
ETA: The intolerance is pretty equal. Lots of stripper-haters, and lots of people who don’t care.
Post # 135
Furthermore, it’s not like this guy’s entire clientele is strip clubs. It’s one client out of many. He’s like 22 and was trying to brag to his friend via text about how awesome his new job will be and he gets to go to a strip club.
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Post # 136
If my fiance told me I couldn’t do something for my work, that would prevent me from making money, when I wasn’t doing ANYTHING wrong/illegal/unethical, I’d be pissed.
I’m a wedding photographer, that would be like my husband telling me I couldn’t photograph a gay wedding because he doesn’t agree with it (not true, By The Way, just an example). I’d put him in his place faster than he could get the words out of his mouth. I feel like in this day if you have a job, and you’re getting paid, you’re better off than a lot of people.
You’re entitled to feel however you want about strip clubs and if your fiance is allowed to go to them. BUT, I personally feel there is a huge difference between going for personal time and going for business. He’s not going to be social with the girls, and honestly, they could care less about the alcohol distributor.