(Closed) My fiance said he likes moms cooking more than mine. How did I react?

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
3151 posts
Sugar bee

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mrscatlover :  If they’d sat down for dinner and he said, unprompted, “Hey babe FYI, my mom’s sauce is better than yours, but nice try!” then I guarantee the response in this thread would be unanimous that OP’s Fiance is a dickhead. But that is not what happened. She asked him if he liked it, he said it’s “really good,” and then she forced him to compare it to his mom’s. Do you really think that’s healthy behavior on the part of the OP?? 

Should he have lied to her? I guess there’s an argument to be made for that. But I think the more relevant question is: why did the OP put him in this awkward position in the first place by demanding that he compare her sauce to his mom’s? Why is OP in competition with her MIL? Why is OP’s kneejerk reaction when she doesn’t like the answer she gets to lash out passive aggressively by refusing to let him eat anymore? This all speaks to significant underlying issues on the part of the OP.

Post # 17
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1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@augstbabie78:  I think you’re lucky he cleaned up the kitchen and excused himself instead of turning it into a full on argument.

I think once things have cooled off, you should re-read this and see if you still see your actions the way you did at the time. Try and put yourself in his shoes and think about whether your expectations are reasonable. If I were in your husband’s shoes, I honestly don’t know what I would’ve/could’ve done ‘better’.

Sometimes we feel discomfort because we don’t like the reality of a situation. It doesn’t mean someone has done something wrong by us, and we just have to sit with it until it passes.

Post # 18
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I say use it as constructive criticism. I am ALL about trying to make really tasteful food so I get how you might’ve been a little upset when he didn’t give you the reaction to it. Like food is probably the thing I take biggest pride in. BUT you could spend so much time being bothered by it, thinking he hates all your cooking or….. you could take it up as a challenge. Maybe talk with his mom next time you’re able to see her, ask her for some pointers and recipies! You could make a cool bonding experience where your Future Mother-In-Law cooks with you. 

 

after all its just cooking, you’re not stuck with your same cooking abilities forever. It can grow and you’re always able to learn. 

 

As for your reaction as you said it yes it was EXTREMELY childish. It was spiteful and petty you should honesty apologize to your fiancé. It was a whole fight you created and the poor guy handled it amazingly. Because if he chose to act how you acted you guys could’ve gotten so petty and toxic and probably throw a whole ass relationship away because…. of his moms amazing sauce. That you could probably learn. I’m not trying to be mean but more direct. Best wishes to you guys! 

Post # 19
Member
2371 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Cooking is one of those things in life where there really is a ceiling for some people, and some people are just naturally better cooks than others. My husband is naturally a better cook than me, AND he nurtures it more than I do. It pisses me off when I say that and he says “no, you’re just as good,” because it’s a lie. I’m an above-average cook, and know it, so I’m not being falsely modest. It’s something I like, and it’s something I get complimented on. But DH is absolutely, objectively better, and that doesn’t hurt my feelings, just like it doesn’t hurt my feelings that he runs 9 minute miles while I run 11 minute miles. 

Your husband clearly thinks you’re a great cook, OP. He got seconds, happily, which is about the best compliment you can get. Even if his mom isn’t naturally a better cook than you, she has decades more experience. 

Post # 20
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee

Ok so I completely misread the post 🙂 I thought he, unprompted, said that his mothers cooking was better than yours. I did not read that you inquired and pushed several times. Can I ask, why would you want him to say that your cooking is better than his mom’s? Are there issues going on between you and her? What would that accomplish, getting him to lie and say that he likes yours better? 

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@mrscrow17:  I’m going to disagree here. My Sicilian family would react this way, 100%. 

Post # 21
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee

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@dianaj17:  I love this response!! Very positive! 

Post # 23
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee

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@emilyofnewmoon:  yes, you are right! I thought that he said these things to her unprompted lol. I am trying to watch west world and be on wedding bee at the same time. Not great at multitasking. 

Post # 25
Member
3151 posts
Sugar bee

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mrscatlover :  Lol no worries. Honestly when I read the title of this post I expected the same and was ready to come in here blasting the asshole… but then it turned out to be a rather different situation!

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augstbabie78 :  Good for you OP! Glad you were able to talk it through and make up. I do agree with pp that the fact he went for seconds is the biggest compliment you can ask for. My husband knows better than to outright criticize my cooking lol… so I always look to whether he gets seconds or thirds as the best indication of how much he actually liked it!

Post # 26
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Are you serious, what are you looking for here? Validation?

Post # 27
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Please don’t get married until you have matured some. This whole situation is just so ridiculous. If this is how you act over pasta sauce, how will you handle real issues?  

Post # 28
Member
2371 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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augstbabie78 :  that’s a great update! 

 

In light of the update, I think it’s bit silly to say someone shouldn’t get married or that there are bigger issues. Maybe some of you are truly enlightened people who would never sink to the level of getting irrational, but most humans aren’t like that. I like to think I’m a pretty rational person, but PMS hit extra hard one day and DH made a sarcastic joke about how early I put the Christmas decorations up, and I sobbed for like a half hour. Everyone has their moments, and the key is in realizing it and moving on. 

Post # 30
Member
5387 posts
Bee Keeper

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@augstbabie78:  “The pot calling the kettle black”… where are you getting this? You asked again what people thought and you know there’s a chance yet again that you might hear something you don’t want to. People told you your behavior was childish and it appears to be a common opinion based on the story you told. You’re even laughing about it now because you realized how ridiculous it was.  

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