My fiancé said he wants to postpone our engagement…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
7405 posts
Busy Beekeeper

He’s trying to break up with you..Or did. Sorry bee.

Post # 4
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

I wonder if he’s been talking to someone else, which is what happened to me.

I got blindsided like this years ago when my boyfriend was emotionally cheating on me with a couple girls he was talking to frequently behind my back, being their confidante (we ended up getting back together after a year apart, and it was me who broke up with him).

I felt so betrayed. We’d been together for 3 years at that point. If he was having second thoughts about me, fine, I let him go try out whatever the fuck he wanted. I did not leave it in his hands to control the outcome of our relationship after an amazing 4th of July week.

But we were kids in college, didn’t live together, weren’t engaged. So it was really easy for me to make a decision like that. I knew I’d find someone else even though I never stopped loving him.

But if he’s freezing you out, I don’t know what you can do but wait if you don’t want to leave. Any friends of his who might talk to you?

Post # 5
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I think he’s trying to break up with you too. If he isn’t returning your calls, he obviously doesn’t want to talk things through.

Post # 7
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
Anjelica :  Whatever the case may be, he’s subjecting you to a situation that is harmful to your sense of peace and your self-esteem. Not sure if you’re from USA, but if so, he’s doing all of this on a holiday? 😬 I’ll hold back my expletives. 

 

Love, you have a responsibility to love yourself, tend to your emotional needs, and have your own back at the end of the day. It should be a PRIORITY. It should be a factor in every decision you make. Not only is he subjecting you to a harmful situation by choosing the coward’s method, but you are subjecting yourself to a miserable situation by giving him the opportunity to ignore your calls repeatedly. I can imagine that’s only intensifying the shock and distress. I’m afraid you may be clinging to a possibility that has been or is dissipating…

Post # 8
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

Text him: “I will respect your need for space while you figure out what you want. In my best interest, I will not put my life on hold. I am sure that our lives will align if we are meant to have a future.” 

Leave it at that. Dont contact. Dont explain. Move on. Pay him attention only if he apologizes and asks to have you back. If/When he does be strong not clingy – turn it so you’re the one calling the shots. 

Post # 9
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

View original reply
Anjelica :  I’m just saying people don’t wake up one day to realize their love has been switched off. A long-term relationship almost always has a gradual decline, or some sort of catalyst. Some people are just very good at compartmentalizing.

Post # 11
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
Anjelica :  You cannot be the gears that shift him into a different frame of mind. You cannot get inside of his heart and physically move him to healing. Focus on making moves that will ensure a happy, peaceful, flourishing Anjelica. Chasing after him and pleading with him is not a solution. 

I advise you to assert some dignity and self-respect by refusing to be strung along. Refuse to accept the uncertainty he’s offering by ceasing effort on your end. YOU DESERVE BETTER and if you’re not ready to delete his phone number yet, at least change his name to those three words. 

Post # 13
Member
7405 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Even if he does “need time”, do you really want to marry/be with someone so wishy washy about you? Don’t you want your partner to WANT to want you? Not have to write out a pros and cons list to decide if he wants to stay? 

Post # 14
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
Anjelica :  Even if he does love you, this behavior is not good enough. There are men who spend three and four decades loving a woman and mistreating her. Hence, this could all be a blessing in disguise. Delivering the news on a holiday of all days, ignoring your calls, and being so self-serving and so self-focused that he’s essentially given you an invitation to be strung along and map out your future based on his unreliable, inconsistent emotions. 

Please activate the strongest of self-love right this moment, tell him it’s over, cry a bit then heal a lot.

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