My fiancé said he wants to postpone our engagement…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
Anjelica :  You don’t have to guess what’s going to happen next: YOU CAN DESIGN AND ARRANGE WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT. 

You don’t have to wait on his cue in order to unfold what occurs next in your life. This is YOUR LIFE; you only get one. Design it well. Plan it well. Tend to it, care for it, nurture it, and cut out any and every person, place, or situation that obstructs that goal.

Post # 62
Member
11338 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Anjelica :  

You don’t need him to ‘tell’ you anything.  His actions have spoken volumes.  There are no magic words he can say that will make you suddenly willing to let go.  It’s over.

You have a real problem, sweetie.  It’s time for you to get with a competent therapist.  Your behavior is not healthy or ok.  Let’s get you on track to a happier life and healthier relationship with a man who wants to be with you.

Post # 65
Member
11338 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Anjelica :  

Oh, that’s great news! We’ll be cheering you on as you start the hard work.  You are more than up to it!

Post # 66
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
Anjelica :  I never said you were intentionally taking advantage of him, I said I can see how it could look that way to his family members. Your actions have been really immature, at least they are coming off that way. 

Why couldn’t you just have his grandmothers ring as your engagement ring? Was it really necessary to purchase a different ring that you couldn’t afford? I imagine that action could have been a red flag of sorts to him, possibly contributing to his decision. 

On another note.. I am happy to hear that you’re going to start therapy!

Post # 67
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
Anjelica : *hugs* Any time! 

That extra tidbit really puts things into perspective; the persistence, the lack of rational reasoning…most women display that behavior when their first love doesn’t plan out how they hoped. You’re not crazy for that. Having a fiancé break off an engagement is a huge deal and on top of him being your first love/first boyfriend?!! *double hugs* 

Post # 69
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
Anjelica :  90’s R&B/oldies songs about heartbreak, adventures, strong wine, good friends/family/a solid support system, and zero contact is a great breakup remedy.

Distance and difference is that magic healing tonic. Things will get better; you just have to do your part and create the right setup to ensure they will. Your behavior in the beginning of this thread was like refusing to properly clean and dress a wound, mindlessly risking infection.  

Post # 70
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

I understand. I would need a definitive yes/no, too. Most people need resolution, good or bad. Everyone’s telling you it’s completely obvious, and tacitly it is obvious with his wishy-washy decisions and silent treatment. But that still isn’t a, “No, I don’t want to be with you.” I’m glad you have someone to talk to Sunday.

Personally, I give ultimatums as a means of offering and doing everything I can, so that if I do leave, I have no regrets of, “What if I did so-and-so?” It’s also a signal to him that he can’t just put you on a break and refuse to talk to you without any timeline himself.

I might even include a, “If I still don’t hear from you by Sunday, I’ll start packing.” Whatever I choose to say is very firm, very clear. Ambiguity is sneaky and confusing and allows a cop-out on my end, too. This way, the deadline is for yourself, as well as for him.

Post # 72
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

The thing is, he probably isn’t going to ever give you closure. You will have to do that yourself. He’s been a real jerk about not being straight up with you and he’s probably told his family that you’re already separated or something. 

I know it’s hard but you will heal with time.

Start gaining some independence, financially and otherwise, and concentrate on yourself. 

xo

Post # 73
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

View original reply
Anjelica :  Good for you. Judt don’t give him forever. He really doesn’t deserve that after getting back together with you. The second time is supposed to be a second chance, that the way things happened the first time didn’t work. I truly hope he gets back to you.

But! If his response is just vague and about how he doesn’t know how he feels, you gotta leave it at that. Relationships are all work and being thoughtful of the person you’re with. If he can’t do that in troubled times, that’s not being your “rock,” that’s not being someone you can trust for the rest of the time you’re alive if he’s just gonna keep turning around to silently breakup with you.

Post # 74
Member
1745 posts
Bumble bee

Holiday break-ups stink.  Breakups with first loves stink.  Several of your posts hint that you’re  youngish … first Boyfriend or Best Friend, don’t know how to be alone, etc.  

As PP have mentioned it’s time to take control back into your hands.  Don’t sit around waiting for him to decide the direction of your life.  Don’t be passive, allowing life to happen to you.   Accept that this is his chicken s$$T way of breaking up with you:  You had a recent break, he doesn’t want to string you along etc. 

Do not beg anymore.  Either ghost him from now on out – or send one more short text that says after thinking for a bit about the recent history of your relationship – you’ve decided that it would be best to consider this not a “time to think” but a final break up.  As some future time you’ll touch base to finish separation of property/finalize finances if that must be done. 

Then learn how to enjoy being on your own (which can be a part of being a bit older too).  That way you don’t feel like you have to be with someone to be happy. If you must be with someone to be happy sometimes you pick someone who isn’t a good choice just avoid spending time alone.  

Post # 75
Member
10216 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I understand you’re in shock and denial but he is trying to soften the blow. He’s telling you he no longer feels connected to you and doesn’t want to marry you. 

He may not have totally dumped you but that’s because he’s working up to it.

Dont marry your first boyfriend anyway, he likely sucks.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors