My fiancé said he wants to postpone our engagement…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 91
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Yeah, dude, of course it hurts. It’s more proof that it’s over.

However, you won’t have to see him again. My boyfriend and I met in college, so when we broke up, I still had classes with him every day, and he also decided to be a nice person and all my girl friends were like, “Hey, he’s not so bad anymore, he’s a lot nicer.” What. The. Fuck. That is not Girl Code! You don’t become best buds and hit on my ex who spent tons of time with other girls, talking about their boyfriend issues behind my back! I was so fuckin mad at everyone, but faked smiles in college all the time. Ugh.

I’m glad that even though this was such a wussy way to end it, it’s done. Mine dragged on and on and eventually, only because of the irrational feeling of love, was I able to get past myself and my distrust and date him again.

Post # 92
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I think you should look at this as an opportunity to have way more fun. You’re so young, getting married at 24 would have meant that you miss out on a lot of things other single people do in their twenties. Plus, he sounds really gutless and weak, do you want to tether yourself to someone like that?yuck. There are so many great guys out there, go find them! x

Post # 93
Member
9151 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
Anjelica :  

‘And now I gotta get the guts to go over to his house where his mom still lives and get some things I left over there.’ 

Don’t do this . Get someone  else to do it , or get him to bring it to a specified place ( and DO NOT be there when he does.) You have done well, don’t put yourself in position where you may break down and start  to cry and/or beg . Or even to have to talk  about any of it to his mum or  anyone else. 

Stay strong.  You can do it, pretty well all of us have,  and survived  and better than survived  .I thought I might die of grief after my first marriage failed. Guess what ??   

Post # 94
Member
1660 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I came here to sympathise and give love and support to you. I was with my first love from when I was like 12 – 17. While I was young, it was very very real and he was a couple years older than me and just before he left for college, he dumped me with almost no explanation. It was fucking gut wrenching. I suffer from anxiety to the point that I get physically sick and I lost over 20lbs in 2 weeks and ended up in hospital over it. Never again!!!

I met my now husband about 6 months later. Was still really young, but we look it slow (took 6 years to move in, 8 to get engaged and only started to share finances once we got married. I’m 27 now, married and expecting our first baby after almost a decade together.

I want you to know that this is painful but it’s the start of a new and more fulfilled life for you. Sending HUGE hugs to you. You have support on here xx

Post # 95
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

You know what might be liberating?? Finding a way to legally/financially feasibly get that wedding ring off of your bill list and joining a cabaret. 

 

Seriously, screw him (not literately). Find a group of dancers to join and revel in your femininity. 

Post # 99
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I’m glad to hear, painful as it is, that you got some closure.  I promise you will get through this!  My ex broke up with me when I was 26.  At the time I felt blindsided and it was extremely painful because I was just working through my social anxiety and didn’t have the strong support system I wanted.  It truly turned out to be a blessing. I used it as the kick in the butt I needed to make big changes in my life to improve my happiness.  I started a new job in a new city and took some time to focus on myself, making friends, casually dating, pursuing hobbies.  It took time but I started to see, with time and space, that he was definitely not my forever person.  And now that I’ve found my fiance I feel incredibly lucky because I see all the ways this relationship is different.

Post # 100
Member
9151 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
Anjelica : 

OK, but unless you absolutely have to have everything back l’ d cut your losses. Is his mum just going to let you go searching through without a scene do you think?  At least don’t go alone . 

Post # 102
Member
11338 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Anjelica :  

Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT go alone.

Do not engage in any discussion.  Be rude, if necessary.  His mother won’t be part of your life anyway.  Bring your most stiff-spined, strong willed friend or family member.

Post # 104
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee

His mom is looking out for him, not for you. Don’t go to her for advice. If I recall correctly, you’re the one paying for the ring, right? So don’t give it to him. Pay it off and sell it. Unfortunately you’ll have to take a loss. But if you give him the ring there’s a chance he won’t pay you back and then you’ll be out a lot and have no way of getting it back.

Post # 105
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I really don’t think you should be talking to his mom. You should cut ties with EVERYONE. But maybe since she knows what’s going on, she’ll tell him that he’s being an ass, and needs to give you the money or pay for the ring.

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