(Closed) My fiance said, “It’s not going to happen.”

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Unless your Fiance agrees with you 100% about not having kids at the ceremony then you sticking to your guns is only going to make him resent you. If he wants the kids there, then let them come! Hand out some crayons and a coloring book which should keep them occupied for that half an hour. Come to a middle ground. Tell your Fiance to talk to his brother and have a backup plan in case the kids start to act up. Have a place where they can go to and designate someone to tell them politely when the need to go.

I mean, come on, it is your FI’s nephew. Is you having a quiet ceremony really worth the resentment and hurt your Fiance will feel that you snubbed part of his family?

Post # 4
433 posts
Helper bee

I think you need to come to a middle ground on this too. I’d be very open with the parents and let them know you are worried that you want the ceremony to be enjoyable for everyone: you, Fiance, the parents, the kids, and everyone else.

Has your Fiance talked to his siblings about what they want? He may be surprised that they aren’t against having a babysitter mind the kids for the ceremony. You never know. It can’t hurt to ask but if they really want their kids there I don’t think you should out right refuse them.

Supply the kids with their own wedding survival kit including a snack, a juice box, and some crayons and they should be good. And if you have ushers helping guests find their seats you might want to try seating the kids and parents on the outter edges so if they need to make an escape they won’t feel like they are making a bigger scene by getting up and leaving.

Post # 7
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

How old are the kids? Because sometimes you can reason with 4-5 year olds (telling them how important it is and that they’ll get a special treat if they are well behaved thru the whole service). I’d definitely provide them with crayons or something that would keep them occupied (but NOT toys like trucks that they would crawl around on the floor with or run down the backs of chairs).

Post # 9
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

If it were that easy to keep kids quiet at will, wouldn’t all parents come equipped with a juice box and coloring book already? If the kid wants to scream, they’re going to regardless of an 8pk of crayons. I think the babysitter (paid for by you!) is a nice idea. I could see if the kids were old enough to remember, they’d want to come to the cereomony. But 1-5 year olds will not remember most likely, so why not put them somewhere filled with toys and pizza and games?

Post # 10
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

It sounds like having the kids there is something that is important to your Fiance and you being unwilling to compromise is going to make him resent you and resent the fact that you banned his nieces and nephews from the wedding.  I think you should just talk to the parents and let them know that if any of the kids start to fuss, you need them to take the kids outside so that they don’t disturb the ceremony.  If you approach it positively “I’m sure they’ll be fine, but just in case …..” the parents will be just fine with it.

Oh – and IMO, you really aren’t allowed to be selfish just because it’s your wedding day.  It isn’t just about you – It’s about you, your Fiance and both of your familys.

Post # 11
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i would just let him have it and make him talk to everyone and tell them that if anything happens they should take them out. really, when you’re up there getting married you won’t notice anything anyway b/c you’re so focused on getting married! my friends told me that there was a car parked by my venue with really loud music playing during our whole ceremony. i didn’t have a clue about this until i watched the tape back. i think you have to pick your battles.

Post # 12
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It seems rude that he is insisting on having children in the service who’s parents will not be watching them – that means other family is going to have to watch them whether they want to or not. I think maybe you should take the approach that if you get the kids a sitter then their PARENTS and adults can actually enjoy the ceremony rather than having to monitor their kids or possibly miss part of it because they have to take a child out to calm down.

Plus the kids will be bored (this is why they have nurserys for church services). Ultimately the part they would enjoy would be the reception.

So tell him that you don’t want to exclude the kids you just think everyone (parents and children) would be happier during the ceremony if the kids are entertained. Having an alternative would probably be appreciated by the mom that would be left alone with two kids while the brother officiates.

Post # 13
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I don’t think you are being selfish at all! I didn’t want young children (three 1 and 2yr olds) so we had a babysitter on site (our wedding was at a hotel) to watch them. I’ve also seen numerous ceremonies in which LOUD children disrupted the vows and everything else. Only problem is that your Fiance really wants them there. I’m not sure what to tell you. (My hubby loved the babysitter idea and the three sets of parents loved it-one of them actually brought it up first) If he’s not keen on the babysitter idea, then I think the best thing to do is to have his family w/ kids sit near an exit and take them outside if they act up. Good luck!

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