(Closed) My fiancé suffers from Panic Disorder and its getting worse!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

He needs to see a therapist and be put on medication.  That’s really the only way he’s going to get through it and learn how to deal with it.  If he refuses to see a physychiatrist, who diagnosed him with this?  If it was a family doctor, they should have given him some medication.


Post # 4
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

He needs to see a therapist, and preferably go to a support group for other people suffering from this disorder. Until people with panic/anxiety disorders learn how to manage them and meet other people going through the same thing, it’s very difficult for them to deal with, so they take it out on others and try and blame them for these feelings they can’t understand.

If you can convince him to go with you to a support group that would be a good first step. My ex had General Anxiety Disorder and when he finally went to a group, it was a huge breakthrough for him because up until that point, he felt very alone, like nobody else would understand what he was going through. That was when he finally started to “own” his disorder and sought professional help.

Post # 6
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Look up the linden method. It helped my brother.

Post # 7
20 posts
  • Wedding: April 2012

communication and understanding are KEY. please seek out a counselor and a support group. if you’re any bit religous or spiritual, a church fellowship group would also be helpful. my heart goes out to you.

i’m concerned about how he “lashes out”. if he hurts you physically or emotionally please leave. a fiance or husband needs to act lovingly toward you. you deserve to be treated well, loved, and respected.

Post # 8
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

He needs to be on some strong anti-anxiety medication.  He also should seek therapy to learn coping skills.


Post # 9
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow, tough situation! I think you can’t be expected to stay with him if he’s not willing to get help for himself (help in this case meaning both therapy and taking whatever meds are prescribed to him). I admire your desire to stay with him through thick and thin, but you deserve to be with someone who values you as much as you value him. For that matter, he should value his OWN life enough to get help. Behavioral/psychological disorders like this don’t just “get better” over time. The only way they get better (unless his brain chemistry changes, but I would not count on that happening, at least not in the near future) is through a lot of hard work, therapy, and frequently, medication. It sounds like right now, he is using you as a scapegoat for his problems. If you are invested in this relationship and he agrees to see a therapist/psychologist and give meds a try, I’d recommend taking a break from your relationship so that he cannot continue to use you as a scapegoat for his problems. If he doesn’t agree to therapy, I would split up completely. You should do some soul-searching to think about how long, realistically, you would be willing to wait for him to work on himself if he chooses to go the therapy route. Don’t lose sight of your own needs in this situation.

Post # 10
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If all he has is Xanax, he isn’t seeing the right doctor.  Xanax is quite addictive, and should only be used short-term, for a particularly stressful situation.  If he needs longer term medication, he should get something like Klonopin.  I would suggest that he see a psychiatrist, not a general practitioner, for any long-term medication.

In any event, if he is blaming you for all his stress, he needs to get therapy as well as medications.  If it really is that stressful for him being with you, then maybe your relationship will end.  But if he’s using you as a scapegoat, he needs to get a better idea of what is actually causing the stress, instead of taking it out on you.

In either event, if he refuses to get treatment and takes his issues out on you, you’re going to need to reevaluate the relationship.  You can’t force him to get treatment, and you should not be bearing the brunt of his condition.

Post # 12
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My mother has panic disorder. My 24 year old brother has begun to have panick attacks and since becoming engaged, I’ve had two. For me, it’s all about insight into why i have them. They tend to happen when I’m ill, or in pain, or when I’m away from home and stressed out.

The two I recently had, one was while I was experiencing a very painful and aweful bout with food poisoning and the other while I was in mexico, planning our wedding and all the details began to pile up on me. 

Now that I know what it’s like and what triggers them. I can usually feel them coming on, and I can do things and not do things to make things better for myself and not worse. 

I hope I dont’ end up like my mother, who has them several times per month. But I know what I can do for myself. I can see a doctor, and get treatment. Now that your fiance’ has a diagnosis, all you can do is hope that the impending treatment will bring improvement.

Dont’ freak out right now. Hopefully you have some time until the wedding for him to get more stable and to work out these problems. Because it’s not fair for you to be blamed for his condition, or for him to be pushing you away like this. I would give him some time alone and have a serious talk about the future.

Post # 13
148 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like it’s time to give him an ultimatum. Either he wants marriage or doesn’t. If he does, he needs to see a therapist & make the effort to overcome whatever emotional or mood problems he seems to be having. Otherwise, you need to consider moving on. What would you tell a friend going through the same situation? You don’t deserve to be verbally abused (yes, that’s what he’s doing) & treated like crap by anyone, let alone a future spouse.

I dated a bipolar guy for almost three years. He started out claiming it was anxiety, but this quickly turned into verbal abuse & constantly using his illness (and past) as an excuse for why he couldn’t treat me decently or set any sort of goals, all while refusing to be treated. Dropped that dude like a hot potato. I look back & wonder how I could have ever let someone so inconsiderate & selfish be a part of my life.

Don’t let a panic disorder excuse him from being a decent human being. You won’t look like a bad guy for leaving someone who has treated you poorly & made no effort to change. Don’t you worry about that!

Good luck! My heart goes out to you.

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