(Closed) My fiance told someone he didn't love me

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

xcitedbee:  Because clearly he doesn’t love you. That’s not what people who love each other do. I see you’re not going to leave him, though, so…..

Post # 17
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee

The whole chatline is a red flag.  His “friends” excuse doesn’t add up because if it was just for friends he wouldn’t need to be lying about his relationship status and making up stories about being in a relationship that is on the rocks, that spells to me that he is looking for a hook up.  Nothing too serious b/c he’s just getting out of a marriage but he is available – doesn’t love his wife.

Post # 18
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

this guy is not husband material. although i’m not sure what you are looking to get from this thread if you know you won’t leave him.

I should caution you that if you stay through this that will be the green light to him that you will stay even if he is unfaithful. Not only did he lie to you bu the lied to this “girl” he was thinking he was about to talk to. Which is proof that he is just a big fat liar in general and is a self serving asshole. Please don’t stay with this man. If you do, I wish you all the strength in the world because you are in for a long road…

Post # 19
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If he was just looking for a woman to be friends with, he wouldn’t care if she knew he was engaged and in love. The only reason he would have for trying to seem unconnected is if he was looking for something sexual. 

I think you need to run for the hills, but if you really cannot, then counseling is a must.

Post # 20
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

What a terrible thing for your FH to do! First to be chatting up girls online, then to say that he doesn’t love you, and then to justify it “to keep up conversation” when he got caught????! Gives a pretty good signal to the type of “friend” he’s looking for.

That is messed up. He’s not marriage material, and he’s a crappy liar at that. Don’t put up with it. It hurts, but you deserve better and you know it!

Post # 21
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

xcitedbee:  I’m sorry. You seriously need to get out of this relationship he has already cheated on you or intends to do so by seeking women online. I would not marry him 1. He said he doesn’t love you 2. He doesn’t respect you 3. He’s a liar and potential cheater. I know that your heart says otherwise right now but you will be in a world of heartache if you marry him.

 

Post # 22
Member
4030 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Wow he sounds like a real winner! Trying to find a woman to talk to/cheat on u with is NOT OK, and shows he is an untrustworthy asshole. Why would u want to marry a man who would do this to u?!

I really think the ONLY THING he was honest about in that entire convo was admitting to the fact that he doesn’t love u…

Post # 23
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m usually not one to tell someone to walk away.. but, walk away.. If he had owned up to his mistake, apologized, and agreed to go to counseling, I would feel different.  But he told you he wants “friends” and you’re letting him get away with it. 

Post # 24
Member
11612 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

You don’t want to see the truth but it’s staring you in the face. Good luck, bee. 

Post # 25
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

I am so sorry!! I am sure right now, you are wondering HOW you are going to work through this, but as someone who has been there before, you should really think about IF you want to work through this…typicallly, this is just the tip of the iceberg – I wouldn’t go as far as to say he doesn’t love you, because he probably does…I think the issue is he may be questioning whether or not he is ready to get married and be with one person for the rest of his life. Chances are, if he is on this site, he is on a few more…I am sure you NEVER expected the “chat” to play out like it did –

Best advice – end the relationship…you will ALWAYS be looking over your shoulder wondering if he is cheating and you will ALWAYS be insecure wondering if he really loves you…NOBODY wants to live like that! I know it is hard – I have been there…I have been engaged and I have lived with a couple other people over the years (I am in my 40s) – I know it is hard to imagine life without him, or meeting someone else you perceive to be as “great” as he is, but you will…some day, you will look back on this and wonder why you even CONSIDERED staying…when I was in my 20s, I was living with a guy that cheated on me…I was devasted, trying to decide if we should work through it or not – my best friend from college tried to make me laugh and cheer me up, so she said – “don’t ever settle – men are like busses – a new one comes along every 15 minutes”…it sounds cold (I thought it was funny), but it stuck with me all these years – it IS true – if you WANT to meet someone else, you WILL meet someone else…dont’ settle!!…also, in hindsight – usually the new “busses” are upgrades!! 😉

Post # 26
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

He did you a big, fat favor. 

Post # 27
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Leave him! You deserve better sweetie! He obviously doesn’t love you if he wants to talk to other women.

Post # 28
Member
9097 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

It’s not right for him to be seeking other women.

It’s not right for you to set him up.

You both need to move on.

Post # 29
Member
2005 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

 

yupmarried:  +1

His words were “I only told her that because if I didnt, i could not cheat on you!”

Post # 30
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

I am a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you. 

You staying after all of this only tells him that you will put up with it. He can attempt to pick up women right in front of your face and you will still stay. He can blatantly lie to you and you will still stay. 

If you do choose to stay with him, you are in for a long road. You also have to realize that if you do stay there is a very high chance of him leaving you once he finds a girl that he does love. 

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