(Closed) My fiance told someone he didn't love me

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
1836 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sorry, he’s not a “sweetheart in disguise”, he’s just an ass. YOU are the one wanting to see him as a sweetheart.

There’s no disguise here, he barely even told you a good lie straight to your face WHEN YOU CAUGHT HIM CHEATING!!!!!! For goodness sakes girl, clean out your stuff, call off the engagement, and never look back. 

Post # 62
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Darling dont waste anymore time on someone that truly doesnot respect you. Life is way to short to put up with some BS like this. One thing will turn into another.Things will eventually snowball into something else. Remember your strength and your self worth. Leave while you can. Don’t be ashamed to call off the wedding. No one cares what other people think. If we live for others than we would never be happy. 

Post # 63
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee

At least you’re going into this eyes wide open. It’s awful to be blindsided by a fiance, I imagine, but even worse if it’s by a husband. At least now you know who he really is. I hope you decide not to continue with him.

Post # 64
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee

It’s (theoretically) possible he was just doing it for attention from other women because he’s panicking about the commitment, and it was completely innocent… however, you don’t trust him. You have to ask yourself why that is; why did you feel the need to check up on what he was doing? There are issues with your relationship even if the small chance he was not being sleazy is true. 

Post # 65
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Dump him!

Post # 66
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

This is sad.. But you wont leave to save face. If you must stay, just try the best you can to forgive. Otherwise, you are headed for divorce before the marriage even happens. Take care, hun.

Post # 67
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

There’s a lot going on here, for sure, but I think the bigger issue is, why was he trying to chat up random women online in the first place?

Obviously, this is a complicated and painful situation to find yourself in, but know that you have options:  to stay, to go, to talk to a therapist (on your own, or together if he’s agreeable to going). Do what is best for you, whatever that means. And also know that the answer is not likely to come overnight and that’s okay. Trust your gut and do what feels right to you.

Post # 68
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am so sorry you are dealing with this…but you need to get out now.  As difficult as it is to break off an engagement, it is A LOT easier than getting a divorce.

Post # 69
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Girl he sounds like a major manipulator. My ex was that way, and every time I caught him talking to someone new he always made up elaborate stories. Like he wanted to write a book so he was pretending to be someone else to see what it was like?!?! Uh no. I would say leave before it happens again. He was obviously seeking out other women, if he was looking for friends why would he do it secretely? RUN! Sorry but you deserve better, and if you let him get away with this it sets teh standard for the rest of your life together. 

Post # 70
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Also if anyone should be embarrased about the end of this engagement it should be HIM it was his fault, his actions. And if you think breaking off an engagement is bad, imagine  years down the line finding out he’s been having affairs, after you have children or build a life together. I know it is scary I have been there but there is no saving face when someone has disrespected you in such a way. 

Post # 72
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

So he’s sitting at work, texting other girls and you’re upset about the love comment? WAKE UP!!!! He was ready to cheat on you and actively trying to.

Marriage does not magically solve these types of issues.

Im’m sorry, it hurts, its embarrassing, its painful but finding out now before you’re married is 10000% better than going through a divorce. TRUST ME.

 

Post # 73
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If your heart won’t let you leave.. I’m genuinely interested to know why you put in the effort to catch him red handed? Why not just remain ignorant to how sleazy he is, if you don’t plan to leave him?

I think its time to let your brain make the decisions, not your heart.. Which is clearly leading you down the road of pain and suffering. The guy doesn’t love you and leaving now is way cheaper than a divorce.

Post # 74
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Also PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go to your doctor and get tested for STD’s/ STI’s. I thought I was in a commited relationship for five years and so I would forgo the testing at my yearly appointments. Fast forward to me finding out my ex was sleeping with other people and I found out he’d given me Chlamydia and it had turned into PID. I never had a single symptom until I started getting severe lower back pain. I may never be able to have children because I trusted someone who was living a double life. It may be embarrassing to share that information but I would never want another woman to go through what I did. 

Post # 75
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

xcitedbee:  can you ask him a simple question, why is he trying to cheat before you are even married? Does he plan on being faithful at all?

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