(Closed) My fiance told someone he didn't love me

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

paintitblackcat9:  ha! my ex got caught once emailing someone photos of downtown chicago. Pictures he took with me one night on a random drive into the city we made. the email address had the name elizabeth in it somehow. I forget how I got that from the email but I did. anyway, when I asked him about it, he told me it was a girl he started talking to in a chat room about photography and that she was really interested in chicago so he forwarded her some photos he had taken. good story right? well about a month later I was checking our phone bill for something completely unrelated and saw this same number called and texted over and over again. Well I called him and asked him and it came out that he had been talking to this girl from another state for a while. he claimed he was just venting to her and it wasn’t romantic. Well I ended up calling the girl and asked her how she knew my boyfriend. Her response? “ha! honey he’s definitely not your boyfriend” and she hung up. the next few days were a mess and at one point in his begging for forgiveness he told me I could call her myself with him there and tell her to stop contacting him if it wasn’t enough for him to do it (which he had but she just kept on calling my phone and his) so I did. Well it went to her voicemail and it said “hi this is elizabeth leave a message!” and in that moment it all clicked. I just got silent and quietly said “elizabeth…..the photos…. the emails” and he just started sobbing and begging and pleading. I sure was a dumb ass. I blamed it on being young and dumb and really stressed out. We broke up for 2 years and I ended up back with him. Our relationship ultimately ended up in marriage… and divorce rather quickly. I don’t think he is a completely bad person. I do believe he loved me. But he just wasn’t capable of being faithful and ultimately this was a huge reason why we ended for good. those old ways were always there, he just did a good job of hiding it for a very long time. Long enough to convince me things were different.

 

OP if you read this, please take me as an example. My heart didn’t allow me to leave either and I sure wish I had had the strength to just let it go much earlier in myu life instead of trying to “make it work” and trying to fight for something that I just was never going to have. I put myself through hell for nothing and It makes me sad to see you take this kind of treatment because I know how horrible it feels and how ti feels to not be able to pick yourself up enough to leave. Please value yourself more. Leave. And dont look back.

Post # 77
Member
2542 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

xcitedbee:  What?…just, what? I haven’t read all the response so I’m quite sure I can’t be the first person to say this but the problem here is that he is attempting to hook up with other women while he is engaged to you. And he told you that he said ‘no’ because otherwise ‘she’ wouldn’t continue hte conversation. Uh, yeah,… he’s right. He’s telling you the truth sounds like. That’s exactly why he said that. THAT”s your problem…is anyone else’s jaw hitting the floor? Really? Please tell me you have more respect for yourself than to excuse this behaviour.  Focus on the issue here. He is attempting to cheat on you and hilariously enough he’s being completely honest with you about it. Not a great way to start a marriage. Sorry,.. wow.

Post # 78
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

paintitblackcat9:  Wow, I’m so sorry. But thank you for posting such an important reminder.

I think the OP vanished days ago, probably because posters didn’t say what she wanted to hear.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by Profile Photo doberman.
Post # 79
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

xcitedbee:  This might have already been posted, but ….

He was at work at the time, he called me immediately in shock, saying he lied just because he wanted to start a conversation with the girl because if he had said he loved me, she wouldn’t continue the conversation

He shouldn’t be having a conversation with random women on chat lines anyway! WTF?

 

Post # 81
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Enoch Turner Schoolhouse

FIRST of all… if he’s trying to talk to other women – THAT alone should tell you he’s probably NOT the right guy for you.  I’m sorry you found out that way, but MAYBE… JUST MAYBE… something of a higher power was trying to warn you NOT to marry him.

Post # 82
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

stardustintheeyes:  Omg are your ex and my ex the same person? JK but I wouldn’t be shocked. Mine was talking to a girl named “Mel” he said it was short for Melbourne where she lived with her fiance. He had told her that he was in a relationship and that we had just had a baby (included baby name and details) and just far out stuff that was not true about our life at all. He also emailed his ex and went on and on about how he didn’t do anything for his birthday. When it reality we were flat broke (because he couldn’t stop buying shit for his motorcycle) and my mom had gone out and bought all the stuff to make a steak dinner so I could at least do something special for  him. Such an ass. But like little slivers of his story always made some sense. He also said he went to college in Barcelona (claimed he was fluent in Spanish and just didn’t like speaking it) said that he owned a small apartment there. And had photos on his lap top of him there so like it was somewhat believable. In hindsight I think he just visited… Idk at the point we broke up and I found out for sure he was living a double life we had been in contact with a wedding planner in Spain to elope. And I found out he had told the other girl they were getting married as well. Also he was trying to convince us both to get pregnant. I am seriously not sure what his end game was? Or what he thought he would do with two pregnant fiances? Just SO so SO glad I dodged that bullet and I am with an amazing man now. 

Post # 83
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

He said he doesn’t love you because he doesn’t. It’s that simple. 

Post # 84
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

It’s a tough pill to swallow! I remember the day that my coworker found out that her “amazing” husband had EIGHT affairs in the seven years they had been together. Oh…it gets better. A few months later on Mothers Day she found out through Fabecook he had gotten his mistress PREGNANT! On that day of all days!!! It hurt even more because they had been struggling to conceive before she found out about the cheating. Trust me…up until the ‘baby announcement’ she still was somewhat in denial and wanted to patch things up with him.

Don’t be that stupid. 

Post # 85
Member
6752 posts
Busy Beekeeper

What’s sweet about him chatting with other women, saying he doesn’t love you, and then backpedaling when he realized he was caught? What kind of potential “friend” does he need to tell he’s married but not in love? Yeah–that kind of friend. 

Sorry, Bee. I can’t imagine choosing this life for myself. Is this what you want for your life?

Post # 86
Member
46 posts
Newbee

Please, please dump him. 🙁 I don’t see him being faithful in the future if he’s having trouble making you his everything now.

Post # 87
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee

Oh boy, I’m so sorry. But this is a major red flag. His excuse for why he said that, doesn’t even make anything better. He wanted to keep talking to this strange woman? Regardless, this is one of those red flags, and this happened for a reason now. I’m so sorry, it is easier for us to tell you to leave him, but you seriously deserve better. 

juicebar:  very well said….. 

Post # 88
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry to say this, but you should really walk away. No grown man does that to “make friends”..and suppose that was his intent, why was he trying to get a girl to talk to him? If you stay with him, thats only going to lead to dishonestly in the future and the possibility of him cheating.

Post # 89
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

You have to know you are worth more than how he is treating you. I’m sorry PP’s didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear OP but if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck guess what?

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