Post # 1
So, We’ve been engaged since Novemebr 2016 soa little over 6 months now and still can’t believe how fast time has gone by. That was until my fiance dropped the prenup bomb.
We’ve been dating for well over 6 years now and there had been times where we had our disagreements but we almost always talked it out. But, this one seems to be getting worse everytime the subject is brought up.
I just want to say that he earns a lot more money than me and is very responsible financially and otherwise.
Now, he has different investments going and has inherited a couple of rental properties from his family which generate lots of income. He said, I know I want to marry you but in this day and age “you never know” what might happen. So, if the marriage doesn’t end well you can’t claim any of my assets. To which, I said I don’t believe in prenuptial agreements and will never sign a prenuptial agreement.
I guess I’ve always thought someone that wanted a prenup is someone selfish and doesn’t want to share things or their full life with someone else. But, I never imagined him to so suddenly bring up this.
I asked my sister what she thought of this and she said, I agree with you. , once you get married, you should treat all assets and liabilities as if they belonged to both of you. But, I know that I would have never signed one and I don’t believe anyone in our family has one either. I’d be sad if someone asked me to sign one.
When I asked him why is he even considering for a divorce? His response was, it’s just a piece of paper and nothing that demeans you. I’d like just like to keep family business and property in the family.
I’m at my wit’s end here. I don’t know what to do. Strange thoughs are entering my mind, does he not trust me enough? Or is he thinking I’m marrying him for his money?
It really makes me a bit sad.
Post # 2
I wouldn’t sign one. I know a lot of people see it more as insurance, where you hope you never need it, but if the worst happens then you’re protected. For me, though, I’d feel like I was planning for divorce, which I don’t consider an option.
Post # 3
I actually can’t wrap my head around the thinking that he’s ‘selfish’ and ‘doesn’t want to share’ the several properties he owned before getting married. The real question is why do you feel he should split the assets he acquired before you were a full partnership?
I think it’s very easy to be against prenups when you’re the one with no assets. There are a lot of bees who are adamantly against them but they are rarely the ones going into the marriage with prior properties.
All the prenup ensures is that you both keep the assets that you went into the marriage with as individuals. Should the marriage fall apart then why should he risk losing family properties?
The ‘planning for divorce’ argument is redundant, do you not insure your car? House? Life?
You can plan for the worst while still hoping for the best.
Post # 4
I think he’s being sensible. If I had a son or daughter in the same position, I’d advise the same.
BUT you must get really good legal advise to protect you too! If you end up not working looking after kids or inheriting too you want that protected.
AND you guys need to be on the same page regarding finances and the role it plays on your relationship. This pre nup is left field for sure but it will hopefully trigger plenty of healthy discussions to set you up together for the future.
Post # 5
If the situation was reversed, your family has several properties and your partner has none, would you not request a prenup? Would you not want to look after your investments in the event that something in 1, 5, 10, 20 or 40 years went wrong? Would you be selfish for wanting your family assets to stay in your family. You aren’t planning to divorce but you must admit that no marriage is guaranteed to succeed. There is no crystal ball into the future. It doesn’t make your love or marriage less valid it’s just being prepared for something that is probable. It’s no different than if your company makes a loss, you prep your CV/resume in case you are made redundant. Or as whnlz said insurance. It’s just good sense.
I imagine if you approached your sister with the roles reversed, her response would be completely different. Just because you marry someone it doesn’t entitle you to half of their family assets.
Post # 6
I think he has valid reason to suggest a prenup. He has propertiies wihtin his family and wants them to stay in the family – I don’t see a problem with this. I agree that marriage doesn’t mean you’re entitled to half of his family’s assets.
No-one plans for divorce, that’s silly to think but it’s insurance. Like PP says, you insure your house, car, etc.
It doesn’t mean he loves you any less.
Post # 7
I understand where he’s coming from. I think it makes sense. He’s just talking about these specific properties/investments, right?
I think I would do it, but I would also insist on my own legal counsel for the reasons UK-bee : mentioned. You may make certain decisions because of your joint financial situation, such as pursuing a lower-paying career than you might if you were the sole breadwinner, in order to spend more time as a family, or perhaps not working after children. You should also make sure that you are protected.
But no, I don’t see this as him planning for divorce, just trying to be as responsible as possible about family properties. I know it stings but it doesn’t read as selfish to me, unless he is generally selfish.
Post # 8
I just don’t you want to get married, get divorced and have the guy kick me to the curb If a prenup let’s him keep all his money, then I’d rather not continue staying with someone like that. And if that’s what a prenup is, why get married at all?
Post # 9
jessie092 : I just don’t you want to get married, get divorced and have the guy kick me to the curb If a prenup let’s him keep all his money, then I’d rather not continue staying with someone like that. And if that’s what a prenup is, why get married at all?
Well that isn’t what a prenup is. Typically prenups protect the assets that one or either party of a marriage held before getting married. So in this case it would insure that if OP and her husband got divorced he wouldn’t be forced to sell his family properties in order to give OP a ‘share’ of them, or sign one or more over to OP entirely.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey
I’m bias because I do not believe in prenups and I think they set an undesirable tone at the start of marriage (but also UK law already accounts for the above circumstance i.e. pre-marital assests stay with the individual, marital assests are divided equally).
A prenup is not like getting insurance for your car (which everyone has to under law anyway), your house (again, under law this must happen) or your life (which IS inevitable as we all die at some point, divorce does not have to be inevitable…)
If you do not feel it’s right then don’t sign OP.
Post # 11
olliebear7 : Agree with a pp who said:”…I can’t wrap my head around the thinking that he’s ‘selfish’ and ‘doesn’t want to share’ the <em style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-height: 1e+06px; border: 0px; background: 0px 0px; font-family: ‘Helvetica Neue’, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;”>several properties he owned before getting married. The real question is why do you feel he should split the assets he acquired before you were a full partnership?”
This EXACTLY. He’s not selfish, he’s practical and prudent imo, you’re behaving entitled op.
Post # 12
olliebear7: Based on your reaction, if I was your partner I’d be even more adamant about the need for a prenup. His personal and family assets acquired prior to marriage should not be yours if you divorce and it’s troubling that bothers you.
Post # 13
I don’t like the idea of a prenup, but can see the practical side to it, too. My Fiance makes 2x what I make or more, and he always talks about retiring young. I was practical, too, and said that is fine but if some assets are not combined I wouldn’t feel like I could do this for my own financial protection. He agreed that I need protection, too. So I guess what I am trying to say is that the prenup can be written to protect you, too. Some assets, for example, could be combined and if, for example, you contribute to upkeep or betterment of property then you should get something in return for this. Let him get the prenup drafted and take it from there.
Post # 14
I think you need to actually research what a prenups is, OP. After you do research and learn what they are for and how they are used, I hope you’ll come to agree with him.
I can’t imagine why you think you’re entitled to his family’s property or his family’s money in the event you divorce. You didn’t earn it. It’s not yours. But what you would build together after the marriage, yes, you’re entitled to that. That is what a prenup is all about.
Please explain to us all why you think you should be given what isn’t rightfully yours, so that we can all gain an understanding here.
Post # 15
I am not into prenups either but if it just says the family business stays with his family I’d sign. You need a lawyer of your own to review it though, and he should reimburse you for the fees.