My Fiance wants me to sign a prenup.

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you ever sign a prenuptial agreement?
    Yes, everyone has the right to protect their stuff. : (342 votes)
    85 %
    Nope, If he insists there must be a prenup before a wedding, perhaps he isn’t the right guy for yo : (61 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 241
    Member
    483 posts
    Helper bee

    girltalk300 :  Yeah I would want to be “protected” in a way if I invested my time and energy into a business. He should be fine with it. I don’t think you want 50%, but he should be okay with having it written down that you did help him build his business, and you guys can work out the logistics of it, if he does ask for a prenup. But if you guys plan to marry I would bring it up and see his view on it first 

    Post # 242
    Member
    483 posts
    Helper bee

    girltalk300 :  oh sorry I just saw that you said he started it before you were together, but I think still if you helped build the business with him, it means something and if he really cares he would be willing to have something written that is fair to you 

    Post # 243
    Member
    97 posts
    Worker bee

    pearl311 :  yeah that does make sense. I had brought it up casually a couple times and he just made jokes about it and then basically was like so if you’re talking about this are u already thinking of divorce or money or whatever (which was just not fair to me in my opinion since I deserve to know these things) but I understand why it’s weird to bring up. For me I guess it’s unique though considering I work with him.. who knows? :/ Thanks for the reply!

    Post # 244
    Member
    1183 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m a die-hard romantic and even I believe in pre nups. Shit happens…and if one side has way more independent assets then the other then you have to protect that. I also think the homemaker role is totally legit and should be recognised in the prenup terms. xo

    Post # 245
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee

    girltalk300 :  You work for his company, do you earn a paycheck in exchange for your work?

     I’m curious why you say you wouldn’t expect anything out of this company since he started it a few years before he met you, but you also say you’ve been “working tirelessly” to “build the company from the ground up.” I don’t mean for this to sound harsh — but get your story straight 🙂 Even just for yourself. Figure out what YOU feel your role has been in his company and what YOU feel you’re entitled to in exchange. Then hire a lawyer either with your own money or his if he is the one pushing the prenup, and draft something that you feel is fair to you. From that point negotiations begin with Fiance and his lawyer. That’s the advice you follow if you agree to sign. Don’t forget to factor in contributions you’ve made or may make it the future to the home, bearing children, your own earning potential once children arrive, etc and don’t sign anything that you feel leaves you stranded. Look into sunset clauses and fidelity clauses. Don’t be afraid to walk away from this guy if he doesn’t care to make sure you’re provided for and taken care of and treated fairly. Personally, I wouldn’t sign a prenup at all though. 

    Post # 246
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee

    Sephiroth :  having children impacts a woman’s earning potential. Good luck getting a raise or promotion when you’re taking off for sickness and doc appointments during pregnancy, maternity leave is a set back, and then you have kids. Every time they’re sick or have a doc appointment, either her or her husband is off. If he makes more money than her, it stands to reason it’ll be her. She’s holding down the fort so that he can go to work and make that money. That’s why marriage is viewed as a codependent unit, or team work and *that* is why divorce laws are structured as they are. To keep things fair. A prenup makes a decision far too early about what a person is owed (keep in mind, somebody has to be doing a whole bunch of things for the family which don’t necessarily earn them a dollar sign pay check).

    Post # 247
    Member
    611 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    olliebear7 :  hey you truly never know what WILL happen. On my wedding day I was so happy and had not a doubt in the world. We were also together for 6 years all up. 18 months later – divorced. 

    Post # 248
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee

    ne11y23 :  not knowing what will happen down the road is precisely why it’s important to not sign a prenup. Courts make a determination live and in real time based on what has transpired. Prenups make the decision of what will be shared in advance. Therefore it fails to take into account what has taken place. Let’s say a higher earning man insists on a prenup in which the couple leaves the marriage only with the money they each earn, no settlements, spousal support or division of assets. His wife is a Stay-At-Home Mom who he supports for 8 years. He thinks he was slick getting her to sign the prenup so that he doesn’t have to continue supporting her when she’s not his wife anymore, but them her childless aunt croaks and leaves her 2 million dollars. The couple divorce, she’s on easy street and he isn’t entitled to any fraction of her good fortune regardless of the years he spent supporting the whole family. Another couple: same prenuptial. He has a house which she makes a home my decorating it, filling it with the pitter patter of little footsteps, and providing companionship each night. Without her he’d be coming home to a barren, empty house. After 14 years, she’s out on the street regardless of the work she put into the house and land. These are just examples of how hindsight is 20/20 and it’s downright crazy to agree to terms 10, 20, 30 years in advance. Of course a prenup can be modified to fix especially the second problem I presented, but the point remains that circumstances change over the course of several years and a prenup fails to take that into account. A court is an unbiased 3rd party who I trust to uphold the commitment we made to each other, the state laws and norms, and most importantly the recent developments in our lives that will render a decades old document useless.

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