Post # 31
My dad never anticipated my mother cheating on him. She’s made off with hundreds of thousands of dollars that she had no right to because there is no pre nup. When he retires he is going to have to pay her out of his pension indefinitely. If you have investments, property and maje significantly more than your spouse , you get the pre nup. It’s not romantic , it’s business.
Post # 32
Sadly, stuff happens. Look how many couples divorce. I am sure none of them thought this would happen. It’s just practical. On the other hand, a clever attorney can usually break one.
Post # 33
So you feel you are owed half of his family’s inheritance and half of the investments he made long before he met you? Because I’m side-eyeing hard here.
A prenup protects BOTH parties. In this case I’m sorry but he would be a fool not to have one. Get your own lawyer and make sure things are fair to both of you.
I also hate the “I won’t sign because that means he wants to get divorced yadda yadda” bs. If you don’t think you’ll EVER get divorced, then why does it matter if you have a prenup?
Post # 34
You’ve been together 6 years. I wouldnt sign a darn thing.
Post # 36
We have a pre-nup. I have substantial assets which are tied up in trusts and the like. When he proposed he suggested a prenup cutting off his access to any of my money which I thought wasn’tfair to him, so between two lawyers we hammered out an agreement that benefits him and my and my children’s assets.
Post # 37
Have you seen this prenup or he just is talking about one? Either way, you need your own lawyer who will protect your needs. But honestly, I don’t blame him. He has several investments that he wants to stay in the family, that is investments PRE MARRIAGE. Any assets acquired post marriage should be divided.
Also, you can make sure certain clauses are included in case of infidelity or abuse or any other such circumstance.
Post # 38
Hmmm. This is a weird one. I don’t like the idea of a prenup but I don’t think him asking for one is a pre cursor for him ‘thinking about divorce’. What conversations have happened before this? E.g. Have you said that once you’re married that you would expect to share all assets? If so I understand his perspective! They’re family properties and business that he wouldn’t want to lose and sell if things did ever (god forbid) get messy.
When I moved in with my Fiance, he had owned his home for 15 years. I made it clear that i would contribute to bills monthly but I did not want to be involved with his mortgage. 4 years on, we’re looking to buy an additional property together and keep this one as a rental. No prenup required but he knew my intentions from the start.
If you do not think that you would expect to split those assets in the worst case then I don’t think that it’s a horrible idea.
Post # 39
This will likely go against the majority of the comments (i didn’t read all previous replies) but I wouldn’t sign a pre nuptial agreement if my fiance asked simply because I WANT it to be extremely difficult to divorce. Yes, it’s true there are horrible situations out there where there is abuse, and you need to leave. That’s absolutely true. But in my circle at least, most divorces were not that way, and I truly believe they could have worked through it if it wasn’t so easy to leave. By easy I mean so socially acceptable, encouraged, financially easy (with a pre nup).
The truth is signing a pre nup will make it a LOT easier to divorce. Which is the point. So of course in horrible abuse situations that’s a great thing. But in most situations, all that will do is make your relationship less permanent, and therefore less stable.
Post # 40
elizabethbride : But in my circle at least, most divorces were not that way, and I truly believe they could have worked through it
What a judgmental comment. Would you want your friends to be stuck in an unhappy marriage? And why do you think you are better placed to decide what is or isn’t working in their relationship?
Post # 41
I am going to speak for a friend who signed a prenup. Her spouse owns a lot of farm land. This land was inherited after his father passed away. He owned this land prior to meeting her, it’s his bread and butter. She didn’t bring any property into the marriage. She signed a prenup to protect her. Within the prenup it was added that if she had to take off work to care for his elderly mother he would contribute to her retirement for that time. (she’s a nurse so it’s understandable she would be the one providing care) Also, in the prenup is, after all children are born she is entitled to plastic surgery to correct any “damage” caused from having children (tummy tuck and breast lift).. hey, he’s protecting his assets so she needs to protect hers! Also, in the prenup, is anything acquired after marriage is split 50/50. Any businesses developed, homes built, land acquired, etc. In all realtiy prenups are very fair and a very logical thing to do. Why should someone feel entitled to something another person had prior to knowing them?! I say, take the prenup to your own lawyer and ensure your assets are also covered! Then sign, get married, and live happily ever after!
Post # 42
elizabethbride : I can’t even begin to express how wrong I think this viewpoint is.
First off, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors in other people’s relationships. To say they all took the easy route is just freaking gross. I don’t know anyone who encourages divorce, except in cases of abuse and the like. And I’m pretty sure damn near everyone would suggest they try and work through their issues, with divorce as the very last option.
OP’s prenup would literally only cover things he had before the marriage. Things she DID NOT contribute to. It’s not like they could walk into a courtroom and declare themselves divorced with the flip of a coin just because they had a prenup protecting his inheritance.
There is nothing “less stable” or “less permanent” about having a mutual agreement of your (hard earned!) assets before marriage.
Post # 43
A pre-nup isn’t saying he doesn’t want to share with his wife. It’s saying he doesn’t want to share with his EX-wife. If you never become his ex-wife, then everyhting will be shared for the rest of your lives, so what does it matter?
Post # 44
elizabethbride : Yes, because people need to prove to their judgmental friends that they’ve earned their divorce by enduring further suffering after leaving an unhappy marriage. </extreme sarcasm>
Your lack of empathy for your friends who have gone through the misery of an unhappy marriage and the trauma of divorce is astounding. Talk to me once you’ve personally suffered all of the guilt, agony, uncertainty, and upheaval of a divorce and tell me what you think about how “easy” the divorce process is then.
Post # 45
elizabethbride : Super happy I’m not in your circle if that’s the way you judge your friends. Hope you enjoy the view up there on your high horse.