My Fiance wants me to sign a prenup.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you ever sign a prenuptial agreement?
    Yes, everyone has the right to protect their stuff. : (343 votes)
    85 %
    Nope, If he insists there must be a prenup before a wedding, perhaps he isn’t the right guy for yo : (61 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 61
    Member
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

     I agree with the majority here only because he is bringing in a lot of assets from before you were together.  Also, something other PPs haven’t mentioned that I thought about, is the fact that its FAMILY assets. That probably means if he has siblings, nieces, nephews or any other family members who are on those assets, why should they have to share with HIS wife or would be EX-WIFE if you were divorced. They didn’t cboose that. It should remain in their family and that is it. Any future assets should be outlined as both of yours even if he is the higher paying contributor.  If you’re married it should be together regardless of who makes more money because it is yours together after marriage. Anything prior I would protect too.

    Post # 62
    Member
    828 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    No one ever gets married saying “Well we’ll just do this for a few years and then call it quits.” Even celebrities say ’till death do us part’ so I never understand why people assume that the worst can’t happen to them and their marriage. People change. Marriages end. It’s smart to protect yourself. It’s immature for anyone getting married to deny that fact of life. Why on earth do you feel entitled to own something after a marriage that was never yours in the first place? Why is your financial well-being more important than his? If you’re saying “trust me” to him, why don’t you just trust him to ensure that you’re not left broke and abandoned if the marraige were to end? This goes both ways.

    Post # 63
    Member
    542 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    That’s a tough situation. I would never want to sign a pre nup because it doesn’t seem to fit the spirit of marriage to me but then again my Fiance and I have no practical need for one since we are young and without any current or future trusts or inheritances. 

    But I definitely get both sides of the issue. I guess you just need to do what feels best for you since you’re the one who understands your 6 year history. That’s a long time and Maybe you’ve been around for of this property acquisition and income shifts and he purposely didn’t marry so it could all be “pre marriage” stuff, I don’t know.  Maybe he’s done past things that are making this pre nup have an especially bad taste in your mouth. Who knows. But you do.

    Post # 64
    Member
    9819 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I agree with your fiance.  They are family property and family assets that existed long before you and you don’t really have any right to those as they exist now (assuming fully paid off- no mortgages).  If there are mortgages and martial money will go towards it you might be able to argue that you should get a percentage.  Get your own lawyer and make sure it protects you as well.  It should be used to protect you in the event that you sacrifice your own career or earning potential by supporting his or having children and being out of work, etc.  There is nothing wrong with having one, but make sure it protects you as well as him.

    Post # 65
    Member
    575 posts
    Busy bee

    I don’t quite understand how such a prenup is fair. Say, prior to marriage, boyfriend invested in material possessions, whereas girlfriend invested in her education. So, for some weird reason boyfriend’s assets are protected, whereas girlfriend’s salary and returns to education are up for grabs???

    Post # 66
    Member
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

    blue_cat77 :  Because one is a tangible asset and the other isn’t. Prenups are designed to protect money and property. If they were to divorce, he can’t simply take half her education or degree. Her salary MIGHT be in danger if he didn’t work and a court ruled that she had to pay spousal support. However, a prenup would protect her against that as well.

    Prenups are a valuable tool. If I had any sizeable inheritance or property, we would have done one too. We actually discussed this, and decided we didn’t need one.

    However, I never had any of the ‘he doesn’t love me if he wants one’ mentality you can often see when someone discusses a prenup. Is it the most romantic thing you can do while wedding planning? Nope, but it is something that may need to be done.

    Post # 67
    Member
    7059 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    olliebear7 :  To which, I said I don’t  believe in prenuptial agreements and will never sign a prenuptial agreement.

    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”>Sounds to me like you won’t be getting married.</div>
    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”> </div>
    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”>Here’s the thing…I don’t care how long you are married or what you aquire during your marriage – you shouldn’t be entitled to things he’s inherited from HIS family prior to your marriage. THAT is the point of a prenup. Likewise, there should be things in there that protect YOU. Like support should you choose to one day stay home and raise kids instead of work outside the home. I don’t know anyone who is divorced who went into their marriage thinking “man, I bet my spouse is going to turn into a raging asshole when we eventually get divorced”.

    </div>
    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”>My mom took my dad to the cleaners doing their divorce. I can promise you when they got married he would have never thought it would end that way. It doesn’t matter how kind and considerate you think your spouse is, people do some crazy shit when divorce happens. I have watched some of the nicest people turn into satan during a divorce.</div>
    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”> </div>
    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”>That’s great you think your relationship is so strong you won’t get divorced – talk to us when something catestrophic happens in your relationship you can’t move past. You can’t predict the future. Your fiance could get his by a bus tomorrow, and become a jerk who is dependant upon pain killers and alcohol to cope. Telling yourself “well my husband would never XYZ”….that’s ridiculous.</div>
    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”> </div>
    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”>100% anything you aquire as a couple during your marriage you are equally entitled to.</div>

    Post # 68
    Member
    6291 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Team pre-nup here! A prenuptial agreement protects both parties. In many states, the agreement is void if you do not both have legal counsel representing you when it’s created.

    You are not entitled to his family properties from before the marriage but you can (and should) make sure to include protection for you and any children you may have in case things do not work out.

    I think you should do a bit more research has into what a prenuptial agreement actually is and what it can include. You (and a lot of others on this thread) seem to be unclear on what it is and what it entails.

    Post # 69
    Member
    4532 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    olliebear7 :  I understand where he is coming from. It is assets he inherited from family money and therefore should be protected for future generations. He probably sees himself as a temporary custodian of these properties until he passes and they go to his/your children.

    You still benefit from this during your marriage. Whatever income is generated from the investment properties can be utilised in building your property portfolio as a couple. I would sign it because I would feel uncomfortable in a divorce taking money/assets from my husband’s family who probably sacrificed and saved a lot to pay off and pass on those properties to your hubby and his children.

     

    Post # 70
    Member
    485 posts
    Helper bee

    I’ve been with my fiancé for 6.5 years and if he wanted me to sign one I would. I don’t understand some posters saying “you’ve been with him for 6 years I wouldn’t sign one”. We both don’t have any big assets so we aren’t getting a prenup, but if he had land and property from his family I would gladly sign it. 

    Now if you were dating for six years and struggled with him and supported him and he won money or something I’d be more hesitant to sign because you were there when he had nothing but that’s not the case.

    yeah it’s not the most romantic thing but it’s practical and smart. You aren’t entitled to his family’s property, end of story. 

    Post # 71
    Member
    1524 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Prenups don’t all have to say the same thing.  It’s not like there’s a law that requires all prenups to say “And if you divorce you shall be out on the streets with only the clothes on your back!!”  

    Get a lawyer.  Then you and your lawyer and your Fiance and his lawyer, the four of you need to all get together and come to agreement on exactly what BOTH of you want the prenup to say.  Fiance will probably insist on you getting a lawyer anyway, because if you didn’t get your own lawyer and just signed it then it’s somewhat more likely that the prenup will not be upheld later (I mean, it’s an argument you can raise, but I wouldn’t necessarily bank on a judge agreeing with you because it’s all up to their discretion).

    YOU can put clauses into the prenup too, you know.  Such as, Property X and all future income will remain FI’s separate property until marriage has lasted ___ years, or something.  

     

    Post # 72
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee

    olliebear7 :  I am not into prenups at all either, because the generic prenups that most lawyers draw up are almost ALWAYS one sided and really protect the one spouse. However, it’s a matter of family investments/inheritance so I can see him wanting those protected. HOWEVER I would suggest rather than his or his family (a lot of times its parents of grooms who push for a prenup) attorney drawing up a prenup, maybe doing some sort of mediation at a neutral attorney and see if they can’t draw up some customized marriage contract so that BOTH of you are covered in the future. The probs w prenups is that sometimes they don’t take into account what happens once children are born and the affect on a women’s salary/earning potential. My SO jokes about a “contract” (which I think is a joke?). Yes, I’d be hurt if he wanted one b/c he isn’t sitting on any crazy wealth or investments and his family doesn’t lawyer up for things…..but if he did have a legit reason, I’d consider it only if it were to protect both of us. 

    Post # 73
    Member
    864 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think it’s weird how most of the time on WB everyone is like “your husband is your new family and that relationship takes precedence over your family of origin” UNLESS the topic is pre-nups.  Then everyone rallies around “whatever came from YOUR family is YOURS, fuck your spouse.”

    Post # 74
    Member
    2921 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    We have a prenup.

    When I first brought up the idea to my now husband, he kind of acted like you did OP, like I was planning my divorce before I even got married.  My husband is very generous and he saw it as my way of keeping one foot out the door.  We talked about it a lot, and to be honest, it almost was a deal breaker.

    It was my dad that was the one insisting that I have one, so my husband went out with him one night and had a long talk.  After this talk, he did a complete 180.  He totally understood why my dad wanted me to have one.

    My husband also talked to his own parents and they could see my dad’s point of view as well.  It’s not romantic to think about at all, but we all need to be realistic.  We met with our lawyers and hammered everything out pretty quickly.  We have clauses on support if I drop down to part time status or become a Stay-At-Home Mom mom completely.  There’s a lot of details that I won’t get into here, but after our meeting, we both actually felt better in that we knew we each would be protected if we god forbid divorce.

    I looked at it kind of like life insurance.  We just took out our policies and I thought that was worse than the prenup.  No one wants to think about a worse case scenario, and in a lot of cases a prenup isn’t needed.  But OP, in your and your FI’s case, it sounds completely warranted, and if my husband said he absolutely would never sign one, I would wonder what his motive was.  I would wonder why he felt entitled to my family’s hard work over the years.  I also saw my aunt and uncle (my dad’s sister) go through a really nasty divorce (they did not have a prenup) and it convinced me the need to protect myself.

    OP, you may want to give this more thought.  It would be a deal breaker to me if you refused.

    Post # 75
    Member
    864 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    sunnierdaysahead2 :  So did you want this, or did you allow your dad to exert his control over the situation?  Because if anyone said “I want this because my dad said so” I’d laugh in their face.

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