My fiance wants someone I hate (for good reason) as a groomsman/BM – can I veto?

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 31
1023 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think you are being selfish or controlling at all.

I would not want John at my wedding in any capacity. Not as a guest, and certainly not in the bridal party! I would not want John in my home. I would not want my Fiance to remain close to this person.

John treated you horribly.

He tried to break up your relationship based on lies his crazy gf was feeding him, and when the truth came out that John’s gf was the cheater, not you; John had the audacity to blame you for his gf’s cheating behavior? He tried to place the responsibility on you, that you should have magically known she was cheating, and you should have warned him?


When the truth came out, John should have dropped to his knees and apologized profuseley. To both of you individually, and to you as a couple. 

Instead of doing that, he battened down the hatches and blew up at you, trying to make you responsible for his cheating gf’s behavior!

WTF x 5.

Has John ever apologized to you for his behavior? (A faux-pology where he says to your Fiance “bro, sorry I accused your girl that time” doesn’t count.)

You were the injured party here. 

All my wuts!

  • I’m really surprised your Fiance continued his close friendship with John.
  • On top of that, your Fiance was best man at John’s wedding, which you were deliberately excluded from?
  • You are expected to just pretend that didn’t happen?
  • You are also expected to not only welcome John with open arms to your wedding celebration, you’re also expected to pay for the privelge of doing so?
  • You pay for John to be a part of your wedding, when he tried to torpedo your relationship???

WTF x 10.

Have you talked to your Fiance about how this makes you feel?


Post # 32
2426 posts
Buzzing bee

Under the circumstances it seem to me that John is actually being almost overtly vindictive by wishing to participate, but for that matter, so does your Fiance. I hope I’m wrong.

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