My Fiance wants to get married but is undecided when…

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2020

honey19 :  Hmm, this is tough. It sounds to me like he really loves you and wants to marry you, but he’s feeling pressure from the outside sources like your church and your parents.

Maybe you two could go to a counseling session together and discuss how to not let outside sources negatively effect your relationship? I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with you two, I totally get how you would feel pressured. But I think it’s important for all couples to make the decisions that are best for them–not based on what you feel pressured to do.

As to setting a wedding date, I think you two should have an open discussion about your thoughts and feelings on it. I have felt the same frustration with my SO about him wanting to accomplish certain things before being engaged, and me wanting to hurry up and get married already! I’ve heard from many people that women tend to think about marriage in terms of who they want to travel through life with, while many men tend to think about being ready for marriage as more of a destination that can only be reached when things are “right”. It can be frustrating, but the good thing is that maybe your fiancé has his heart in the right place and is worried about being responsible, having a good career, etc. I hope you two can have a fruitful discussion about all this, and congrats on your engagement!

Post # 17
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think age DOES matter contrary to what other bees have said because it is a proven fact that your brain is not fully developed until you are 25. A lot of decision making is affected by that fact alone meaning the younger you are the more risks you’ll take without thinking about the long term consequences of your actions. I was 19, 20, 21, we all were. I can honestly say that as mature as I was I still had a lot of decisions to make for my own life before thinking of marriage. While everyone isn’t the same, unless you live in like the south or areas where it is still a norm for young girls to become instant housewives, have children right away, and depend 100% on their husband, then age does matter. I think that’s the biggest factor that’s affecting your boyfriend right now. I think he proposed due to pressure not really understanding the repercussions of his actions. If it so against your religion and either of you cared anything about it, why did you move together in the first place? You’re setting yourself up to be at the mercy of what HE decides for your relationship instead of the two of you deciding together. Or he just doesn’t want to marry you because you’re young and there’s  a lot he hasn’t experienced out there. I’ve seen successful stories but mostly unsuccessful when it comes to dating and marrying that young. 

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