(Closed) my fiancee can't make good decisions. WWYD?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What?! I remember your post regarding your fiance constantly hiding money on the side to buy things like $70 pants, haha. Quit his job?? Umm no. I would not be okay with that. In this economy this is not the time to be quitting anything.

Why does he need to learn French?  Is that at all going to benefit you guys right now? Can’t he just take a night class for that?

It sounds like you’ve really exhausted this issue with him. What if you were to come right out and tell him no? Would he still do it?

Post # 4
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

And I thought my SO had issues.

I would flat out say no, that as a couple you cannot afford for him to do so. You should not have to carry all the financial burden for the two of you as a couple.

Post # 5
Member
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well it certainly can’t be easy, but knowing what you know now, do you really want to promise your life to this? to me, this is a huge red flag.

Post # 8
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@ivoryowl:  I agree.  These are major issues that he does not seem to be willing or able to change.  With finances being a major cause of divorce, I would not want to marry him knowing he is so irresponsible with them.  I would have a serious conversation and agree to meet with a financial counselor individually and as couple to discuss finances and figure out if you’re compatible or not.

My FH is not very good at budgeting but he realizes it and leaves the saving and bill paying to me.  He knows that when I say something isn’t in the budget, it means it isn’t in the budget.

Post # 12
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have a college degree and I don’t even make $35,000. I’m even doing what my degree is for! So I think his job sounds great and he should definitely be more grateful.

That is super frustrating though. I hate ultimatums, but it might be time to make one. I wouldn’t want to start a marriage with my Fiance if he had that kind of attitude about money.

Post # 13
Hostess
12023 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@bretonvirgniia:  okay, I may be out of line, BUT he sounds a lot like my uncle who was diagnosed as bipolar in his late 30’s.  He did a lot of what you mentioned, was totally unreliable, spent like crazy etc etc.  He didn’t seem to have the heavy heavy crashes that are typical but he would get depressed.  I wonder if he should see a professional, it’s possible there’s a mental instability that’s the root cause.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  It sounds like it’s time to lose it on him! YES, tell him that is simply not possible and to suck it up.

Having dealt with men who were irresponsible with money and life in general in the past, it’s a dealbreaker for me. 

I’m sorry, but what kind of man decides to start working part-time and taking leisurely classes while letting his woman pick up the bulk of the finances? Um, no.

 

Post # 15
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I hate to say it but if you have already involved a financial counselor and he has continued these behaviors then you have done everything you can do.  Now you have to ask yourself if you are okay with signing up for 20+ years of his irresponsible financial behavior.  If not, stop planning the wedding and start figuring out an exit strategy.  Sorry.  Frown

Post # 16
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@bretonvirgniia:  I am not a fan of ultimatums, but I am even less of a fan of someone who is willing to quit their job just because they feel like it and subsequently put more stress on their spouse and their relationship. That is not fair to you at all and it is only going to cause you both to struggle.

I would just come out and say ‘no, that isn’t going to work. we can’t afford that” and see what is reaction is. If he still resists then maybe start with the ultimatums. Ugh, what a frustrating situation!! I would wring my FI’s neck if he came home and told me something like that.

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