Post # 1
Recently my future brother in law had a bon fire and my fiancée got really drunk. Well when he started to feel the alcohol he started making jokes and telling me how unattractive he thinks I am. We recently had engagement pictures done and he said I look like a model in the pictures but not in real life. He said the lady who did our pictures edited my face and made me look skinny and tan. Later he said I only look pretty sometimes and kept making ugly like your fAce jokes. My cousins girlfriend said to him that I looked amazing in the pictures and that I look like that everyday and he said no she doesn’t. Blah blah blah. There were times he was laughing and times when he was serious.
He said the next day that he didn’t mean any of what he said and that he was very sorry. However it’s very hard for me to believe he thinks I’m attractive and it pretty much tore shred every shred of self confidence I had. Now it bothers me when he says other girls look good or anything like that. I’m not really sure what to do. I talked to him about it but he says he didn’t mean it and that he was drunk. Its a big deal because I no longer feel pretty with him. He made comments when sober that I always shrugged off but now I’m second guessing. I don’t know if we should get married and I’m kinda freaking out. How can I be with someone who doesn’t think I’m attractive?
Post # 3
Wow. I don’t even know what to say! How hurtful! I cannot believe someone who loves you would say those horrible things! You look gorgeous girl!! That would tear my heart to shreds and make me wonder why someone would want to be with me if they thought so little of me. I think you guys need to have a serious talk because that shit dont’ fly!!
Post # 4
[content moderated for intolerant language]
Post # 5
Wow, what an asshole. You a) are absolutely gorgeous, b) are quite frankly way out of his league, and c) shouldn’t put up with someone who treats you like that, regardless of a and b. Even if what he said were true, there is no excuse for talking to a loved one like that or deliberately hurting someone’s feelings, drunk or not. Does he criticize or undermine you in other ways?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I would DTMFA so fast his head would spin, but obviously only you know what’s right for you.
Post # 6
your fiance sounds like a total ass. the ‘i’m drunk’ thing doesn’t make any sense – why on earth would he have chosen that to joke about, kept on it, especially when others were pointing out how rude he was being? my friends/SO/myself have been drunk on quite a few occasions and i’ve never just chosen something random out of thin air to harp on about while everyone looks on in horror.
i’m so so sorry you had to hear that garbage, and from someone who should love you and help you feel great about yourself always! what he said was downright cruel.
you are gorgeous, and even if you were a troll, your fiance should think you’re beautiful, or at the very least support your self confidence and never tear you down like that.
i’m not sure where to go from here, but i’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!
Post # 7
@lovey_dovey: That’s not a very nice thing to say. I don’t think it’s fair to lump all guys together like that, and I also don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about people with mental disabilities in that way.
Post # 8
Well, your Fiance is an asshole. People’s filters tend to go away when they drink, so I hate to say it, but it’s kinda like truth serum.
He should think, and tell you, that you’re the most gorgeous woman in the world. Frankly, I don’t think he’s any great prize in the looks department.
Post # 9
Wow! Well, first of all, you are beautiful. Seriously. I am so sorry that your Fiance said all of those things. It’s easy to blame that on being drunk but either way that is inexcusable. You really need to sit down and talk to him about how he made you feel. He needs to understand that is not OK!
I know this is easier said than done, but remember to have confidence in yourself no matter what anyone else says. You are gorgeous, and don’t let anyone (especially a boy, Fiance or not!) take that away from you!
Post # 10
@mrssrm: Oh good grief. She wasn’t talking about people with mental disabilities – do you actually call those people retards?
Post # 11
When people get drunk and tell you what they really think, repeatedly – believe them. I can’t tell you what to do in response, only you can decide if it’s something that you can live with, but I personally would not want to marry someone who crushed my self-esteem both offhand while sober and maliciously while drunk.
He’s an ass – and at risk of insulting him to you, you are truly way out of his league in the looks department.
Post # 12
You are absolutely gorgeous, and your Fiance sounds like an ass. That would crush me. I’m not sure what I would do in that situation, but I am so sorry that he said those things.
ETA: Seriously, I just took a closer look at your avatar which doesn’t appear to be a professional photo and let me reiterate, girl – you are gorgeous! I don’t know wtf your Fiance is talking about.
Post # 13
Are you effing serious right now?
You are GORGEOUS! I can see your avatar photo and you are still incredibly beautiful!!
I don’t care if your Fiance was drunk, he is a dick. I just read that shit to my husband who has his jaw down and echoed, “Wow, That guy’s a prick. Leave him.” I am so sorry, I can’t believe how incredibly insensitive that was, not to mention hurtful. He went out of his way to argue something hurtful about you and later dismissed it as alcohol. He should be doing EVERYTHING he can now to make amends.
To be totally honest, I think he is VERY lucky to have you. Don’t let his insecurity about his own looks affect you. That would be a dealbreaker for me.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@ahun6592: I would have some serious thoughts about marrying this guy. If he says stuff like that when he is sober … He could turn emotionally abusive. I really think you guys should go to couples counselling because it doesn’t sound like a one-off thing. Also, unfortunately, alcohol is typically a truth syrum type liquid wherein we say things that we would otherwise never dream of saying. Again, it wasn’t one-off based on what you said which means it will probably get worse. This is also how emotional/mental abuse starts. I’m so sorry that he is being such an ass because he shouldn’t be saying things like that. It’s not right. Period.
Do yourself a favour: take some you time and spend time with your girlfriends/family to build up the confidence you have lost from his horrible remarks.
Sorry if I seem harsh, I just hate it when people go after those that are close to them.
Post # 15
AWWW this hurts me SO much for you! I would die if my Fiance spoke about me like that. You are SO cute and pretty and your hair is gorgeous!
I don’t really have much advice – I would feel the same way as you and have no idea how I’d respond.
Actually, I’d be really spiteful and point out EVERY LAST ONE of his flaws. Honestly.. sometimes people need a taste of their own medicine. I cannot believe he said all those things about you and I’m not sure I could be with a man who thought that of me!
Post # 16
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. First of all you are gorgeous!! That was a horrible thing for him to say and do, but it’s hard to know exactly how big of a deal this is. Do you have any relationship problems aside from this? Do you have any doubts about marrying him? Does he do inappropriate things when he drinks, or was this a one-time thing?