(Closed) My fiancee’s cousin is trying to sabotage me.

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

YES its wrong of you to ask her to step down. And to be honest I just don’t think you can ask for two weeks of people’s time.  That’s ridiculous; their duty is to stand up there with you on the day of, so maybe a 4 hour commitment total.  Everything else is completely optional and up to them.


ETA: regarding kicking her out, if you do this this isnt’ just one of your friends – this is your fiances FAMILY.  That runs a little deeper and you could really piss off a lot of people you don’t want to.  Also, are you planning your own bachelorette party? How do you know it’ll be in the 2 weeks prior?

Post # 4
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You get to dictate what your bridesmaids do for 1 day and 1 day only: your wedding day. Their only duties are to wear the dress you tell them and show up on time. I think you’re being very, very demanding. It would be very wrong to ask a bridesmaid to step down.

Post # 6
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well, she will miss a free spa day and other fun events. I wouldn’t ask her to step down. Actually this is a good chance to give her any chore the other bridesmaids might not like (attending the guestbook, handing out sparklers, staying after to clean up, etc)

Post # 7
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think it would be wrong of you to ask her to step down.  All she is doing is gonna cause more stress for herself. ( packing, trip back unpack, bm things etc.) 

If your other bms are good for the two weeks I would not sweat it. 

Post # 8
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m not exactly sure how she’s trying to sabotage you. I think it is unreasonable for you to demand 2 weeks of someone’s time, and I agree with the PP’s that a bridesmaid gives you 1 day and perhaps 1 night. If you kick her out you’ll be the one having to face the consequences, especially as this is your husband’s family.

Post # 9
17 posts
  • Wedding: November 2013

Well, you mentioned that she did other things as well to “sabotage” you.  What else has she done to do so (not that I’m hungry for drama)?  Yes, I think she is being a tad rude as she agreed to the terms you had set in advanced only to plan a cruise for the time before your wedding but for this alone, I’d say no, do not kick her out for that reason (Hey, look at it as money in your pocket for another spa day for you).  In short, although the story may be long, I’d rather hear the whole story before agreeing whether you should or should not ask her to step down.

Post # 10
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Take a deep breath, re-read your post, and try to look at this from an outsider’s perspective. I think you’ll have your answer! (i.e., I agree with the other ladies.)

Post # 11
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

They have to be available to you for the 2 weeks before the wedding? WHAT? They are bridesmaids not slaves. She is going on a vacation not cutting threads in your wedding dress…

You get 1 day anything beyond that one day is an extra! Kicking her out for that is crazy. Take a deep breath you will be ok!

Post # 12
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Asking for someone to drop everything and be available to you for two whole weeks is over-reaching by a long stretch. Heck, my boss doesn’t even do that, and they pay me to be there.  

Post # 13
1430 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with the other posters about how its a little much to require them to be free 2 whole weeks before your wedding. It’s her loss missing out and the other girls will be there to help so I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. Also, asking her to step down for the sole reason of her planning a trip would do nothing but cause more drama for yourself. I can see why maybe its a little irritating to plan something like that right before the wedding but I would never act on those feelings and do something drastic. 

Post # 14
673 posts
Busy bee

One day. You get one day. Seriously. Will you disinvite a guest who won’t give you 3 days of attention? That’s not an outlandish question to ask since you’re demanding two weeks of her time.

Not paying attention to you for a week that doesn’t block out your wedding isn’t a crime. It’s not “sabotage.” If you do ask her to step down, then just know that you will burn bridges with his family. She will likely talk about it, and most people will probably react the same way that we are here – you’re being unreasonable to make those kinds of demands on someone’s time.

So what if you plan to pay for a spa day? So, you save money. So what if she misses one party? You’ll have one less person you clearly think is already working against you with you during your night out. If you are convinced that this one person is working so hard against your happiness, I’d think that a week less in dealing with her would be a good thing.

Post # 15
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think you can tell them to leave their schedules open for two weeks.

I understand being frustrated that she is missing certain things, but it’s her choice.

I do think, though, that she should be there for the rehearsal. Otherwise, she’ll be the only one not knowing what to do at various times throughout the ceremony

Post # 16
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Looking at it from both sides here… I think some of the PP’s are right but a little harsh. You did tell all the BMs up front what you wanted. If they agreed to it, you do have a right to be annoyed. BUT I wouldn’t ask her to step down. Talk to her, tell her that you really want her to be there and you appreciate her being part of this wedding.

Honestly, if she can’t make herself available for at least ONE day then I’d be mad. But, for now just talk to her. You haven’t gone into details about the other things she’s done so it’s hard to give more imput.

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