(Closed) My Fiance’s best man….

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree that his actions were really hurtful and just plain tacky, but I’m kind of glad for your FH. It would have been even worse if his “best friend” had acted as though your wedding was simply an afterthought, while your sister’s husband won’t. Imagine if he had tried to bail early or shown up late! 

Post # 4
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I understand your frustration, but even if he was saving his money, if he is losing his job, he may not know when he will get another one and will need all of his money to live on, especially if he has a family to consider. He is probably worrying about being able to pay his bills and whether or not he will end up homeless.

Post # 5
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like he’s in a lot of trouble and a serious situation.  🙁

Post # 6
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@noritake22: This.

I am sorry that your Fiance is losing his best man, but it is still early enough that this shouldn’t cause huge drama. I hope you are being more supportive of him…

Post # 7
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with noritake22 as well.  Although it is hurtful that he’s dropping out, he’s most likely trying to be responsible about his money.  If it came between being the maid of honor in a friends wedding or being able to eat and pay my rent for a month, I’m going to drop out too.

I hope the sting goes away soon and you and your Fiance can see that he isn’t trying to be malicious.

Post # 8
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry but his financial security is more important than your wedding.  He should have notified you earlier; however, it’s pretty humbling and in a way, humiliating, to have to tell your best friend that you can’t afford to be in their wedding party.  I’m sorry you lost your best man, though.  It sounds like you have a good alternative!

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Sorry you guys are going through a bit of a hiccup. Your Fiance must feel let down, but I’m sure he understands his friend’s position. If the situation were reversed I’m sure he would have done the same. It must have been hard for his friend to call and say he’s lost his job. It sort of sounds like things must have been going downhill for a while and that’s why he was avoiding your Fiance.

In any case, it’s way better to find out now then when payments for things are due or a few days before the wedding. I totally agree with the other posters that he needs to put his finances and wellbeing before your wedding even if it means letting down someone you love. I hope he’ll at least be able to attend as a guest and share in the celebrations with you guys.

Post # 11
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@bee-gotten: I’m assuming your FI’s former best-man is thinking about the costs involved in throwing a bachelor party (or whatever it is their doing), potentially buying a new suit or tie or whatever, a gift, a haircut, etc. All those things add up. I totally agree with you though that he should have left a message of “hey call me back, I really need to discuss something important with you” rather than a break-up style voicemail. That’s not appropriate and totally disappointing for a friend he’s had for s many years. It sounds like he has a lot of stuff going on and that’s likely why he’s been so distant. Maybe your Fiance can try to reach out to him (in a dude way 😉 ) now that this is all out in the open?

Post # 12
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

@bee-gotten: Maybe he doesn’t have a suit to wear or money for lodging and meals. Or for a gift. He probably feels extremely bad and just didn’t know how to tell you both. Maybe your Fiance should call him and see if something he can do would help his friend be able to be there for him.

Post # 13
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

That really stinks that he did that but I agree with the others. I own a house and I dont do ANYTHING until I make sure all the bills are paid.

 

Post # 14
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I just re-read my comment, I came off way harsher than I intended.  My apologies Embarassed

Post # 16
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I understand why you’re upset- but he has a good reason. You can’t expect people to save just for your wedding – he’s got rent  (and a habit?) to pay as well. He’s probably a little embarassed by it and maybe couldn’t afford dinner out. Take a day and cool off. It’s upsetting when you first hear it, but I’m sure you’re understanding enough to forgive him for the situation he is in.

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