(Closed) My fiance’s BM is breaking our heart

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m so sorry you guys are going through this. I don’t have much advice but it seems the friend is definitely going through something difficult. If I were you and your Fiance I would continue to reach out to him and just let him know that you are there and will always be there. Getting mad at him is not going to help I don’t think. Sounds like there is def something deeper here that he is not ready to talk about yet.

Post # 4
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SweetHoneyBee:  This seems to me that it may be something personal.  I want to lean towards depression, but am kind of shocked that he’s picking up extra hours of work.  That’s the last thing I want to do when I’m depressed.  Anyways, he’s keeping himself occupied for some reason and then sleeping when he can’t.  I’m sorry you guys are going through this.  I hope someone is able to have him sit down and open up soon.  He must be building some anger up inside.  🙁

Post # 5
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

To me, it doesn’t sound like it’s actually about you guys.  I don’t see anyone being so jealous about another couple that they punch their own brother in the face and change their entire lifestyle.  

I do think he sounds like he needs some kind of help, though.  He could be depressed?  He also could just be doing his own thing.  I really don’t think you should approach it from a “you’re jealous and don’t like us anymore!” standpoint– I’d shoot him a phone call or visit him and say “hey, we haven’t seen you in a while, how’s life?”

I’d also see what his brother thinks and default to letting his brother handle the majority of it.  You can play concerned friends, but don’t make this man’s personal issues about you.

Post # 7
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SweetHoneyBee:  Fiance used to be a very angry person after his break up with his ex of 5 years.  She cheated on him many times with several different guys.  He completely shut himself off to the world and worked, slept, and played video games.  Your friend needs to work though his problems on his own if he’s not accepting any help.  It’s a shame it’s going to be that way, but there’s not much else you can do.

Post # 9
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry for the tough situation. 🙁   Have you noticed any drug use? Sometimes people’s behavior changes dramatically when they start using and they become more secretive and isolated.

Post # 10
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@SweetHoneyBee:  Oh, okay! That makes more sense and, I think, is a much better way to look at it.  I’d drop him a concerned call/email/something.  Or go visit his brother and see him while you’re there? 

Post # 11
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am so sorry. I agree with PPs that it’s not about you. It sounds like he’s going through a rough time in general and might be suffering from depression.

Any bees more experienced with mental health issues have ideas of what to do?

Post # 13
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It sounds like emotional and mental issues and this person needs help, I agree with others it doesn’t seem to be actually about you guys or your wedding. The fact that he put his hands on another person proves it’s getting out of control. I think you guys need to not take it personal and really leave the wedding out of it, I think coming together with friends and family to get him help is where this should be heading. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@SweetHoneyBee:  I can totally understand why you are frustrated. It’s hard seeing someone you care about spiral downward all the while feeling helpless because you can’t connect with them. I’ve kinda learned that you just have to be as supportive as you can and keep an eye on him  but he needs to know he has the support from his friends. I hope you guys can shed some light on the real issue here. try to stay positive!

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