(Closed) My Fiances FAMILY doesnt show interest in the wedding…wow

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Same goes for my FH’s family for the most part, and I’ve come to realize it’s because they don’t want to bring it up because they don’t want to pay for anything.

Not saying that’s the case, but that’s what I’ve come to realize it is in our case.  His family has contributed nothing (to be somewhat fair, his parents divorce is finalized today and his mom until today had no money)…So, that COULD be it!

Post # 4
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Have you tried to start the conversation about your wedding with them? My FI’s family is very quiet and reserved… They have not asked about the wedding and at first I was confused, they seemed so happy and excited for us! When I asked them about it, they told me that they were afraid of butting in and figured if we had questions/wanted to talk to them about the wedding we would bring it up ourselves… I think it’s silly, but like I said they are very quiet people and are always afraid of offending people or stepping on people’s toes… Just talk to them, I’m sure they are excited and want to hear all about it!!

Post # 5
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

FI’s family is very sweet, but they hardly ever talk about the wedding itself. They’ll ask about the honeymoon and what I wanted for the rehearsal dinner (no worries, I told them whatever they wanted :)), but they don’t ask for wedding details. When I bring it up, they’ll eagerly join in. I think it’s like TinyTina said, they just don’t want to step on toes :).

Post # 7
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

My Fiance family is the same way. They never ask about any of the planning. Nobody from his side came to the shower. I had to pry out of his mother what she was planning to wear. The answer: blue. It has taken me 9 months of being engaged to realize this is just the way it is. This is the first wedding for them too. At first I thought they didn’t want to help pay for anythign (which they are not), but now I just think they have no idea about how weddings work, and I have to beleive it is nothing personal.

Post # 8
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My Fi’s family doesn’t ask much either.  But they’re Brazilian and his mom and dad had a courthouse wedding in Brazil so they don’t know much about American weddings.  They have just told me to tell them what to do, and where to be!  We’re the first wedding in the family too.  Our situations may be a bit different, but I do kind of wish they would ask more, like I know you do too.  It can be a bit frustrating.

Post # 9
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

If they know they won’t be paying for anything, but might not think any of the plans are their business.  That is also what I think with my Future Mother-In-Law – she is not very sophistocated (despite being born in and growing up in NYC….) and doesn’t have the style required to plan a nice city wedding on a budget, so I think to me – it’s a catch-22 with her:

If I ask about the wedding, I might have to contribute and if I am not contributing, I shouldn’t be talking about it unless I have to.

Don’t take it personally- do your thing and figure you have one less group of people to please!

Post # 10
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Eh, my FI’s family doesn’t seem to get it either. His actual parents ask about it, but his extended family mostly ignores it. His grandparents aren’t coming (even though its the first wedding among the grandkids) and the rest of his fam is kind of just not talking about whether they’re coming or not. He feels like because its the first real wedding the family has had in decades (and I’m not even sure any of the aunts/uncles had real weddings… his parents eloped and then when his dad remarried he did it with just them and the kids at the church), that they dont understand that a wedding is important. 

Post # 12
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Zaria: My Future Mother-In-Law never calls me to ask if she can help. It’s their first wedding in the family too and I think it’s just that they don’t realize how much effort goes into planning. I don’t hold it against her… If I give her a call and ask for something she is always more than happy to help!

Again, I don’t know your exact situation, but in my case my Future Mother-In-Law was afraid of coming off as pushy and just didn’t know that I needed help. Have you tried reaching out to them at all?

ETA: Sorry I just saw your most recent post! I know it’s hard, my family is out of the area and his are 10 minutes away, so I know how difficult it can be. If they’re being unresponsive… do you have girl friends around who will help you?? One of my BMs lives very close to me and she has been very helpful! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i struggle with this a little bit too. but honestly it doesnt bother me…i get enough love from my family 🙂 He is one of 13 kids and his youngest sister is 6 so i kind of write it off as they are still stuck in the famlily raising stage, where as my family, everyone is grown and on their own. Hang with me here, My Fiances’ brother’s wife ran into this problem more so than me, they have been married 5 years and it was almost like Father of the bride 2,  FI’s mom had a 1 year old when Future Sister-In-Law got pregnant…She struggles with the fact that FI’s mom isnt your typical grandmother, and doesnt love on the kids like most grandma’s do.. i think this is because she still has to discipline  her little one and cant go around spoiling these kids while mothering another. anyway….i try not get too down on this because i realize what im getting myself into, i will never get the love and support from his family that my family gives him and I and im ok with that. i have just come the reaalization of thats how it going to be…

Post # 15
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@Zaria:  You’re right, they probably have no idea what goes into planning a wedding.  I’m sorry they aren’t being more responsive!

 

 

Post # 16
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I understand that this is frustrating, but it can be a blessing in disguise!

My Future Mother-In-Law is VERY excited about the wedding. Believe me, that can be difficult, too! She has been looking at wedding stuff ever since he bought the ring, and had a lot of ‘suggestions’ how we should do things. It has been better since we mutually put our foot down about something we wanted that she thought was ‘wrong’.

But I do hear a lot of “my mom would never forgive us if we…” and “I am an only child so this is the only wedding my mom will ever have…” (!!!!!!!) from my fiance. Count your blessings!

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