Post # 1
I’m wondering if anyone else has dealt with friends of the groom not liking/getting along with the bride. One of my fiance’s good (and longest) friends and I haven’t ever really hit it off. Overall, he’s really abrasive and I don’t respond well to that, so I often shut down and refrain from getting too friendly during group events. We’ve had tiffs before, and I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t always taken the high road; however, Fiance and I recently had an engagement party that this particular groomsman attended.
First, he complained about having to dress in cocktail attire (he wanted to wear shorts and a button-down due to the heat, even though the event was indoors). Fiance told him that the venue required appropriate attire, so he complained about that most of the evening. Next, he got confrontational with me when I mentioned something about my job being difficult after he was also talking about the arduousness of his own job. He made a comment along the lines of, “all you do is complain about how no other job is as difficult as your’s” which I don’t agree with. I do often engage in conversations about my occupation, however. I didn’t respond to this, but another groomsman did. The other groomsmen said something along the lines of, “hey, calm down, this is her engagement party, she’s the bride, let’s have fun!” Well, the friend who doesn’t like me was not pleased, got heated, started complaining about how my “wedding isn’t until next year, so not everything is about [her]. It should really be about the groom because she wouldn’t even be engaged if it wasn’t for him!”
Needless to say, this definitely got the better of me. I stopped trying to be part of the conversation, and it was clear that offended me, despite not saying anything about it.
He decided to leave early because, in front of everyone, he made a comment about me avoiding the rest of the group. This has definitely been a challenge since our party because I really don’t want to come in between my Fiance and his friends.
I’m wondering if anyone has experienced something similar. How should this be approached? Should I suggest to my fiance that he should find someone else to stand with him during the wedding, or should I just suck it up?
Post # 2
Early on in our relationship, one of of FI’s friends really didn’t like me. And he was a huge jerk about it. And I’ll admit, like you, that sometimes I didn’t take the high road and played into his nonsense. At first it was just a lot of really subtle stuff but one night he said some very cruel and untrue thing to me in front of Fiance and our other friends. I left (I don’t deal well with confrontation) and to this day I still have no idea what Fiance did or said to this friend but I got an apology the next day and we have never had a problem again. He basically pulled a 180 after that night.
I don’t think your Fiance should ask him to step down (that will destroy their friendship) but he needs to have a talk with his friend about respecting you. Even if he doesn’t like you (which is fine, not everyone likes everyone else) for the sake of their friendship and because he is your FI’s friend he needs to respect you and be polite at gatherings where you are both there.
Post # 3
Thanks! That’s what I was thinking, too.
Post # 4
No, I don’t think you should suggest that to your Fiance. That is his friend, and he should feel like he can ask who he likes.
I would stop engaging with this person. I am not sure why you are stooping to his level, but don’t. Was there no one else to talk to at the party?
I did not get along with one of my DHs friends and this wife, so I talked to other people and was cordial and polite to them. There is no rule that says you need to like each others friends. But if you are polite and just move on to other people you DO like, everyone will be happier all around.
Post # 5
Wow! His friend is a jerk! You should definitely talk to your Fiance about how you feel and that you don’t feel respected around him. His friend doesn’t have to like you but he needs to respect you or be cordial when he’s around you. Now as far as asking your Fiance to drop him as a groomsmen, that wouldn’t be fair and will double the animosity for all of yall. It’s his friend and he wants him in his y’alls wedding.
Post # 6
Quick revision: I asked about your thoughts regarding the friend no longer being in the wedding party because my Fiance asked me, and I was feeling like all of you; like I said, I don’t want to get in between my fiancé and his friends. It’s just hard feeling so disrespected and I liked by someone who will be part of my wedding.
Post # 7
I would think that maybe he’s jealous of you – he used to have your Fiance as a friend, but now your Fiance is always with you. Maybe he feels after the wedding he’ll lose your Fiance even more. There are a lot of feelings of loss involved with weddings – not just parents losing their children – but friends losing friends. I would reassure your FI’s friend that their relationship won’t change. That might be all it takes.
Dont ask Fiance to take him out of the wedding party – that might make him feel even more like he’s losing his friend.
Post # 8
Your Fiance needs to lay down the law with his friend that he needs to behave or else the friendship will suffer. I’m sure Fiance has a long and meaningful friendship with this friend, and because of that, he should remain in the bridal party as long as he can be respectful of your FI’s wishes.