(Closed) My fiance's good friend/groomsman doesn't really like me…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
9437 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Early on in our relationship, one of of FI’s friends really didn’t like me. And he was a huge jerk about it. And I’ll admit, like you, that sometimes I didn’t take the high road and played into his nonsense. At first it was just a lot of really subtle stuff but one night he said some very cruel and untrue thing to me in front of Fiance and our other friends. I left (I don’t deal well with confrontation) and to this day I still have no idea what Fiance did or said to this friend but I got an apology the next day and we have never had a problem again. He basically pulled a 180 after that night. 

I don’t think your Fiance should ask him to step down (that will destroy their friendship) but he needs to have a talk with his friend about respecting you. Even if he doesn’t like you (which is fine, not everyone likes everyone else) for the sake of their friendship and because he is your FI’s friend he needs to respect you and be polite at gatherings where you are both there.

Post # 4
Member
4066 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

No, I don’t think you should suggest that to your Fiance.  That is his friend, and he should feel like he can ask who he likes.  

I would stop engaging with this person.  I am not sure why you are stooping to his level, but don’t.  Was there no one else to talk to at the party?

I did not get along with one of my DHs friends and this wife, so I talked to other people and was cordial and polite to them.  There is no rule that says you need to like each others friends.  But if you are polite and just move on to other people you DO like, everyone will be happier all around.

Post # 5
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Wow! His friend is a jerk! You should definitely talk to your Fiance about how you feel and that you don’t feel respected around him. His friend doesn’t have to like you but he needs to respect you or be cordial when he’s around you. Now as far as asking your Fiance to drop him as a groomsmen, that wouldn’t be fair and will double the animosity for all of yall. It’s his friend and he wants him in his y’alls wedding.

Post # 7
Member
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I would think that maybe he’s jealous of you – he used to have your Fiance as a friend, but now your Fiance is always with you. Maybe he feels after the wedding he’ll lose your Fiance even more. There are a lot of feelings of loss involved with weddings – not just parents losing their children – but friends losing friends. I would reassure your FI’s friend that their relationship won’t change. That might be all it takes. 

Dont ask Fiance to take him out of the wedding party – that might make him feel even more like he’s losing his friend.  

Post # 8
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

Your Fiance needs to lay down the law with his friend that he needs to behave or else the friendship will suffer. I’m sure Fiance has a long and meaningful friendship with this friend, and because of that, he should remain in the bridal party as long as he can be respectful of your FI’s wishes. 

 

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