- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2023
Little bit of backstory:
His mum and dad have been divorced for several years and she is remarried to a wonderful man. During the time they were married, my fiance’s dad would regularly beat her and two of the children (my fiance and one of his brothers), lock them in the garden shed overnight, prevent them from eating for days at a time etc etc. My future mother in law had two children who died from cot death as babies, and fiance’s dad used to blame her for their death. One of fiance’s brothers became suicidal (at the age of 7) over their death, and their father saw him as a target and started blaming him.
After leaving them at home with no food, electricty etc, he would then come home with presents and treats to turn the chidlren against their mother – who couldn’t feed them.
My fiance has scars around his lip from where his dad smashed a mug into his face when he was little, and a dent in his head from where he was pushed into a table. He also has scars on his body, but he wont ever tell me how he got them. His brother has a scar on his head from where he tried to kill himself over the death of their brothers. Obviously their psychological scars go deeper.
After the divorce, fiance cut his dad from his life, up until a few years ago when he started seeing him again – for his sister’s sake. His dad has somewhat cleaned himself up, and had started to try to rebuild his relationships with his children.
My fiance is the kind of person that will always put family first, so he forgave his dad for the past and they started spending some time together. When my fiance gave his dad the wedding invitation, his dad cried and said he couldn’t wait to see his first son married etc etc, how proud he was.
We moved the tables around a bit, so that his brother (best man) would sit at a ‘normal’ table with his girlfriend, and his dad would sit on the top table with us, his mum and step dad and my famiy. His dad seemed over the moon.
Last night fiance gave his dad a quick text to ask if he could send the RSVP back asap, as our caterer (fiance’s boss) was getting antsy about getting everything perfect.
Hid dad didn’t reply, so fiance sent another text asking if he was still coming. His dad replied with ‘no dude’
He wouldn’t give a reason, and wouldn’t answer the phone.
Finace spent the next hour phoning his mum and siblings to see if anything had happened that they knew of. They couldn’t give him an answer.
Fiance went quiet, but said he was alright and I didn’t want to push the issue just then.
Later that night he cried while we were in bed. He hasn’t cried since he was in primary school. He just doesn’t cry. And I just didn’t know what to do, or what to say. I just hugged him until he fell asleep.
This man is everything to me, and his arsehole dad has just destroyed him. I feel like crying because I hate to see him so upset and I feel so useless. I also feel so so angry, I want to find his dad and hurt him for doing this.
If anyone has any advice on what to do or say to try to make things better, please let me know. I feel awful doing nothing.