(Closed) my fiance's mother tells me to leave him

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1895 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sounds like she wants him all to herself. I personally would be verrry cautious with her. To me it seems like shes playing team “inevakay” just to get what she wants- her son to herself… Has she been going to him saying that he needs to leave you? something is fishy!

Post # 4
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I think in this case “Mother knows best.”  You were already thinking about leaving and she is telling you to leave.

Post # 5
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

I looked at your other post and it seems like she might be doing it out of your best interest. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Post # 6
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

No, I don’t think she wants him for herself.  I just read your previous post, I only read the OP, not any of the replies, but it sounds like your Fiance is verbally/emotionally abusive.  His mother has probably dealt with his behavior, and realizes it’s not right.  You say you’ve had a good relationship with her…it honestly sounds like she is trying to warn you away.

I had a former coworker who divorced after only a few years of marriage because her husband was an alcoholic who was verbally/emotionally abusive, and she was very afraid that abuse was getting closer and closer to becoming physical.  According to her,   he kept his true self well-hidden until after the marriage, but his mother and sister knew full-well what he was like.  She would have loved to have a heads up from SOMEBODY before she married him, but nobody bothered.  

Your FI’s mother IS making the effort to warn you.  I would take that under consideration.

Post # 7
Member
986 posts
Busy bee

@beachbride1216: +1.

It sounds like she sees the same thing that you see, and she is confirming your feelings to leave. Best of luck to you!

Post # 8
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It doesn’t sound like this is controlling-mummy, if you and she have a great relationship, if she broke down crying about whatever state he’s in, and if you’re already unhappy. I’m not sure about the background of whatever’s going on here, but if you’re already thinking about leaving, it sounds like she recognizes this and is sad for her son and sad for you. Perhaps she sees you as a daughter and knows that if it wasn’t her son, she wouldn’t want you in the situation?

Again, I’m not familiar with the back story here. My general go-to advice is to get some counseling to work on whatever issues you guys have together and/or separately.

Post # 9
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@inevakay:  If she can say it behind his back, she should be able to say it to his face. Then you can all have a nice adult discussion.

Post # 10
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@inevakay:  I had a boyfriend once who’s mother and I got along with very well.  She did the same thing.  I still remember her exact words, “If you have a brain in your head, you will get as far away from him as possible”.  She was absolutely right!  That man wrecked more havoc in my life than anyone I have ever met.  It was horrific what I dealt with in that relationship.  I learned a valuable lesson, if his own mom says you are too good for him, you need to believe her!

Post # 11
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think this sounds like a mom who wants her son all to herself.  If you and she really have a good relationship, I think she is being honest with you.  It sounds like you’ve already got your doubts and she is simply confirming what I think you already know.

Post # 12
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

My ex husband’s mother told me the same thing.  I wish I had listened.

Post # 15
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My ex boyfriend’s mother told me this. He ended up breaking my heart. I wish i had listened to her!

Post # 16
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Are you dating my ex? His mom told me to leave him, and I did. He was verbally/emotionally abusive, controlling, manipulative, etc. She knew that, and had been dealing with the same behavior from his dad for over 25 years. She told me one day, “You’re an amazing lady, and if you can’t see yourself putting up with this shit for the rest of your life, leave while you still can. I ended up in a house full of crap that I don’t want and two kids with that man, and my son is turning out just like him.”

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