Post # 1
My fiances parents have not been involved at all in our wedding process. Neither have his 3 sisters. My parents and my fiance and I are paying for the majority of the wedding. His parents have given us a small amount of money towards the reception and are covering the rehersal dinner costs (so they say now). My feelings are hurt because not one time has his sisters or his mom reached out to me to see how the planning is going, if I could use help, etc. His sisters are not in my wedding party because they are all married, over 40 and have kids. Me not including them wasnt an issue at all. We have been engaged for almost a year now and our wedding is less than 4 months away. I tell my fiance that this hurts my feelings and he doesnt seem to think its a big deal. I get along with his parents and sisters, so I dont think the issue is them not liking me. They seemed really happy when we got engaged. I have a lot of resentment towards them now over their lack of interest towards everything. Is this normal? Am I over reacting?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
My fiancee (female) – her parents are paying for aspects of the wedding, but they aren’t really that involved at all, either. They barely speak about it and don’t even have dresses or tuxes yet. I know they’re excited… they just aren’t really the planning types I guess? My FI’s Dad’s girlfriend talks about it a lot, but my Future Mother-In-Law and her husband? They don’t at all, unless I text them about it.
Post # 4
Honsetly.. I feel the less amount of people sharing their opinions the easier it is..
Post # 5
I totally get that in reality its probably better for me that his mom isnt super involved in the planning. We live about 2 hours away from his family and dont see them often. Whats bothering me more is that they dont reach out to me at all. To see how things are going, how the planning is. They havent seen our venue, they know nothing about the details, etc. I just think they should be reaching out to me, but maybe I am over reacting?
Post # 6
I dunno, they might not be all that “into” weddings, and they also might not want to be perceived as being overbearing. If they are otherwise welcoming and interested in spending time with you, I wouldn’t read too much into their lack of wedding interest. Personally, I would not be so interested in that stuff. I did most of my wedding planning on my own.
Post # 7
I vote overreacting. If his sisters all have kids they are probably busy with their own lives. My Mother-In-Law did not get involved in our wedding at all and I count myself lucky. They can be happy for you and still respect your space.
Post # 8
My FI’s family haven’t been the least bit involved in the planning of our wedding either. I actually don’t mind because I’d rather plan things my own way anyhow, but I worry about them feeling left out. I’ve talked to Fiance about it and he reckons that they would quickly let us know if they wanted more involvement lol. I guess they’re just laid-back and happy to let us do whatever it is we want to do.
Perhaps you could approach them, rather than waiting for an offer of help? I think some people just genuinely don’t think about it from the bride’s point of view so they maybe haven’t realised that you would welcome their input.
Post # 9
No one is nearly as interested in your wedding details as you are. It’s just that simple. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love you or they don’t look forward to you joining the family. Yes, you are overreacting to it.
Post # 10
Are they traditional?
I think a lot of traditional groom’s parents think they don’t have to help out at all and that it’s the bride’s parents responsibility (even if the bride’s parents aren’t paying, they feel like they should).
Post # 11
“They havent seen our venue, they know nothing about the details, etc. I just think they should be reaching out to me, but maybe I am over reacting?”
I think you are, actually. I personally would prefer this to having to deflect lots of “suggestions” from people.
Post # 12
This was my reality too. My inlaws were very generous with money, but not so much with interest or time. I would have rather the interest. lol
I was hurt about it too. It was very different from my family’s reaction and, combined with their habit of just not paying attention, became quite frustrating in the days leading up to the wedding (lots of questions that had been answered months earlier, not listening or paying attention to directions or maps, getting upset about dress expectations when they had been informed to wear a suit, etc). It was rough. ETA: that was more upsetting than the not being involved. Basically, it was like going through the months of planning with them the week or day before the wedding, because they didn’t get what was going on and showed up late for stuff.
I think that it all comes down to their attitude about it. If they are usually really interested in what is going on, but just aren’t wedding planning/party folk, then that’s one thing. I was expecting my inlaws to be more interested, but they aren’t like that in everyday life. It’s not that they don’t care, but they don’t really know how to be involved, don’t ask questions because they view it as prying, etc. If your DH is unfazed by this, it’s probably because this is normally his relationship with them. I’d try not to let it hurt your feelings and volunteer information when they ask or when you want too.
Post # 13
If you want them to know the details it’s up to you tell or invite them to the venue. After dealing with the first nightmare of a sister in law we had, my parents offered some money and didn’t interject their opinions with my second brothers wedding, my mom only went to things my second sister in law invited her too. They aren’t mind readers, its possible that they aren’t into weddings, it’s also possible that they are being respectful by giving you your space. As for his sisters it sounds like they have their own busy lives with kids and familys and they most likly would be more excited closer to the event or at the wedding.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
I just want you to know that I feel for you. I see FI’s parents every weekend (we live 10 minutes away) and they never ask me how anything is going. They are really nice people and they seemed excited when we got engaged… I just think that they could care less about wedding planning. It does suck… Especially since my mom lives far away so it would be nice to have some “family” nearby to talk about wedding plans, but it’s just the way they are. I’ve just come to terms with it (only two months to go…) and save the wedding talk for phone calls with my mom and bridesmaids. 🙂
Post # 15
I feel your overreacting also. It’s not as important to everyone else as it is to the bride. If they have kids they are buried in activities. And as a mother of groom you don’t know where your boundaries are in the planning process. Also if you live a ways away they are living their own lives, and you being out of sight, well out of mind. Me I think you need to read some of the boards on in laws here and you will thank your lucky stars. I think you should take a little break and just breathe a little. Your being over sensitive. 🙂
Post # 16
Just realized that sounded harsh and I didn’t mean it to. Sorry I meant it with the best of intentions!