(Closed) My Fiances Parents are not involved at all in our wedding

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 32
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@hobokenbride:  Hey that is exactly what occurred in my situation. However, a little different his inmidate family did not show up for the my surprise engagement. 4 years later my husband is the one that is hurt because it was his big day to. They  believed they were hurting me but in the end they hurt him and its something that he will never forget.  Like he said you may not like it however you (parents) should have been ther to show me support not for B (me) but for me your son.  


Let it go, they are probably hurt but it aint gonna get any better

Post # 33
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldnt let it offend you. Perhaps they don’t want to overstep, since it’s really You and your family’s place (according to most dynamics) to plan the wedding. They probably don’t mean to hurt your feelings.

Post # 34
221 posts
Helper bee

My story is the opposite. It’s my parents that really don’t care. I know they’re excited, and they are giving us a small amount toward the wedding, but FI’s parents are totally into the wedding. They’ve given us quite a lot towards the wedding, not to mention they’ve been doing a lot of leg work since we’re having the wedding near them (3.5 hours away from where we live). I don’t let my family bother me though because they’re always like this. I have 10 brothers and sisters (all much older which is why they aren’t in the wedding party) and I only get a christmas and birthday card/phone call from one of them. I’m pretty sure that most of them will not be coming to the wedding either, which is fine. I will have 4 people from my family at my wedding for sure and Fiance will have probably 50-60+. I’ve definitely developed a close relationship with all of FI’s family because my parents didn’t always live close by. It’s a weird situation, but I’m not going to let it ruin my day.

Post # 35
1412 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

View original reply

Funny thing. My SIL said something to me when I was planning our new SIL and my brother’s reception. The newly weds to be were getting married on a boat and so I was throwing them a party that turned into their reception before they left for the cruise.

So I was frustrated because no one was calling me back, checking plans with me, or offering to help. My SIL–who’s been with my other brother for 10 years it seems–told me that no one offered to help her with her wedding! and she seemed hurt. I laughed at the comment and said you’d never asked. I, on the other hand, had asked people.

But my reason for laughing was because the whole time she’d been planning that wedding, I was pissed that she hadn’t involved anyone in our family. I was the first person they told they were engaged to, and I was the closest of her husbaand’s family to her. i even gave them a honeymoon. But she didn’t ask me to be one of her 6 bride’s maids. I never told her about my resentment for that. I felt it wasn’t worth it, but I found it downright hilarious that she thought we ought to just ask and volunteer to help. I also do not recall her discussing not a one wedding detail with me. Was I supposed to ask how the plans were going? My bad. She’s got a mouth. I figure she wasn’t mentioning it because she didn’t want me involved.

After I reminded her that I hadn’t been asked to help, but I’d bought the honeymoon and paid for the minister at the last minute when they forgot the last $50 to give him, she said she didn’t mean me, of course. I am still hurt to this day that I was not asked to be a bride’s maid, and now that I am “pre engaged” I’m struggling with whether to ask her. I want my sister and my other SIL, but then she’ll be the only one not asked. Truthfully, I want her, too, but I’m hurt that out of 6 friggin’ bride’s maids, she couldn’t see clear to make me one of them.

I think that what I’m gonna do is ask her, but tell her how I felt about what she did at her wedding. I don’t think I can have her stand up there without letting her know.

Anyways, I hope my story helped you see another side of things.

Post # 36
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

My FI’s family is not involved in planning at all -not even a little. He’s not from the states, and to his mom, planning a wedding means hiring a coordinator who arranges everything from the dress to venue to officiant – even “hiring” extras to come be guests if you want 600 people there but you only know 550. You literally just show up. So to her, she doesn’t understand why the big fuss over planning, and hasnt had anything to do with the wedding. She is “hosting” the rehearsal dinner and she just transferred all of the money for the rehearsal to our bank account, but she doesn’t know what a rehearsal dinner is, nor does she want to plan it from another country. So we are also completely planning that as well. Honestly, I think its easier. There are so many opinions in my own family already, I don’t need additional voices chiming in. I’m happy for them to just show up, have a great time, experience something theyve never experienced before (jewish american wedding) and feel happy. Perhaps your in laws lack of enthusiasm for planning is a blessing in disguise? Things can get over the top stressful real fast when you add in more peoples opinions.

Post # 37
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

In My Humble Opinion no one really cares how the planning is going unless they are planning their own wedding or just planned their own wedding. Even then, they still care about their own event more than yours. 

My in laws to be are giving us $1k for the rehearsal dinner and only ever asked us about our search for the officiant because Future Mother-In-Law wanted the officiant to convince us to let her walk Fiance down the aisle. Haven’t gotten a single “How’s the planning going?” since. 

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