Post # 1
I have been with my fiance for 3 years. When we get officially married we will have been together for 5 years. Anyways heres the story. I am a loud outgoing person who is very family orianted. I have a huge family who I cannot live with out. My fiances parents on the other hand dont even really like each other, they fight constantly and sometimes we wonder how a loving man (my fiance) came from such a toxic relationship. He has siblings but they do not really talk to each other and when they do its kind of awkward, I mean I guess that works for them. Anyways in the three years we have been together his dad has maybe spoke to me a hanful of times and his mom will sit with me and talk to me but then will completely do a 180 and throw so much shade at me and then act like it never happened, there are times i will leave their house crying and we have prolonged the conversation but after this past weekends issues I finally said enough is enough and had my fiance talk to his parents and he did but when he asked what they have against me she said I didnt rub her the right way and that she believe that I am disrepectful to my fiance and when he asked how or when she couldnt give a clear answer.
My question is now that all this happened and stuff has been said I dont ever want to go to their house, family functions, or gatherings. I feel completely unwelcomed and I am a firm believer in when it’s said it cannot be taken back. So now I am lost on what to do. My fiance said if I dont want to be apart of their lives he wont be either. I hate to make him pick sides but I feel like no matter what I do nothing will be enough to be good enough for his parents.
Post # 2
Take some time away to cool off and lower your emotions. You’re freshly hurtand it’s understandable why you feel the way you do. You know how they are, it’s been 3 years, don’t try to force a closer loving relationship with them. Setting some boundaries might help, and reading up about toxic inlaws. Good luck.
Post # 3
PitbullLuvr : How exactly are you making him pick sides? Allow him to be man enough to make his own decisions without you taking credit okay? Its good that he’s got your back. If he is truly able to go no contact with his parents that’s great…..but going from the unhealthy description of his parents makes me wonder how he was raised and if that resolve won’t weaken.
Its totally fine that you go no contact. If your Fiance decides he wants to reestablish a relationship with them, allow him to without any interference from you but clear boundaries must be put in place where bad behavior is punished. He may have to learn his own lessons.
Post # 4
Maybe they’re the kind of people he should avoid anyway. If this is how they treat someone he loves based on nothing, I think that proves something. Use this as an opportunity to welcome him into your family. Not that there are sides, family grows but doesnt divide. But if that’s the choice they’ve made, so be it
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
His parents don’t even like eachother, so there you go. They problary don’t really like to many people and if they can’t come up with a reason on why you are disrespectful towards him than I think it’s an excuse. They are miserable people. Your husband is very happy and she can’t stand that because she isn’t happy in her own life. I don’t blame you for not wanting to spend another moment with them. Your husband is a great man for having your back. I appauld him. If he chooses not to see his parents well that’s on him, you didn’t tell him not to. Focus on your happiness with him. Proud of you for standing up for yourself.
Post # 6
The wound will heal, you can learn to stay distant from them emotionally and unaffected. If with limited contact you are still uncomfortable, you have no obligation to have a relationship with them. But step out of the drama and don’t wear their issues. I have been there. Your fh will have to set boundaries of his own, about his family not disrespecting you, or your marriage.
Post # 7
It doesn’t really sound like you like his parents either… if they aren’t trying to break you guys up or meddle in your relationship who cares? It doesn’t sound like you’re dying to be included in the family based on how you’ve described the relationship they have with each other.
stop seeing them, there’s nothing wrong with that, it’ll probably be better for both sides. Your fiancé can choose to see them without you if he’d like.
Post # 8
I understand wanting to be on good terms with your in laws but given who you’ve seen them to be, why did you think you would somehow be special enough that a woman who doesn’t like her own husband (or most other people, apparently) would like you? That seems like an unreasonable expectation.
I don’t have a suggestion about what to do other than don’t make an effort for people who aren’t willing to do the same. You have a large, loving family of people to connect with. You do not need his mom to like you. You do need to stop having conversations and attempting to connect with someone who then “does a 180” and throws shade at you. That’s unhealthy and unpleasant.
If you’re setting a boundary and not going to be around them anymore and your SO is offering to cut ties with them for the health and wellbeing of your relationship, then what’s the issue? Are you concerned about what she will think of you if you guys do that?