(Closed) My fiances parents hate me

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh honey…I’m sorry you have to go through this. You might just have to come to the realization that this is what it will be and live for you and your honey and try to put his parents ut of your mind. Hard, I know, but if your Fiance makes you happy then you will have to move past this..

Post # 4
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am so sorry…My ex-MIL used to hate me, I have not been married to her son for over 10 years. She still considers me her on DIL, and has zero relationship with the ex’s replacement wife or her son. Guess she hates her more.

But what I think demanded respect, that eventually turned to love? Confrontation. Direct…What did I do to make you hate me? (I was the weird punk-rock chick in high school when we got together, and maybe not the greatest influence in the world)

I think she realized she didn’t, and everything has been great since. And she’s thrilled that I am marrying the fella that I am…she loves him!

Post # 5
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This sucks! So sorry. Has your Fi given you a reason why they don’t like you? Maybe you should just ask them directly. At this point, you really have nothing to lose. That’s what I would do….

Post # 8
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@1313Mockingbird:  Agree.

I feel so sorry for you OP, but at some point you need to let them know that you are here to stay and they better learn to live with it.  I don’t mean be cruel or anything to that affect, but I also mean it’s stop the “killing them with kindness” act.  They only deserver your attention and respect when they treat you the same. 

My dad told me (after my Future Mother-In-Law, long story short, suggested to her son he’d be better off with someone else) That my grandpa hated him when he started dating my mom.  My dad followed it by saying that the day he died, my grandpa told him that he (my dad) was his “favorite.”  That showed me love and respect is earned…..on both ends.

I will pray for you and hope things change. <3 In the meantime, please plan your wedding and all the details to your and your FI’s wishes.  It sounds like he has parents who have a hard time letting him go….

Post # 9
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Your Fiance needs to grow a pair too, and stand up for you. This is how it’s going to be, so deal with it! And he has every right in the world to demand that if nothing else, they treat you with respect, out of respect for him.

Post # 10
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Does your Fi defend you when speaking to his parents?

Post # 11
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

YOur Fiance needs to put his foot down with them and tell them that they aren’t acting very Christian towards you, and God doesn’t like ugly! (Speaking their language) 

He should give them iron clad examples of the ways they hurt you, and HIM for that matter, because no one likes when someone bad mouths their spouse (or soon to be). He needs to give consequences if they refuse to give you respect as a human being. YOu are not going anywhere, and they need to get used to it quickly. The least they could do is be cordial, even if it’s not sincere. It doesn’t sound like you get that at all from them. 

I hope he has a talk with them soon. Has he never done this before? They can not rule everything forever. He and you need to join on a united front and create boundaries. You have to teach people how to treat you.

Post # 12
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

Is your Fiance close with his parents?

Post # 14
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2001

  I agree that they need to be respectful to you.  I hope your Fiance is sticking up for you. At this point, I would just stop going out of my way to make them like me.  I would be kind and respectful when I see them.  Hopefully they will have a change of heart and decide that their son’s happiness is important.

Post # 15
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Bram:  Your Fiance ought to sit them down and initiate a civil discussion. If they treat you this way, he will no longer be seeing them until they can accept you as their daughter in law. Or hell, accept you as a human being, and not common refuse. They are completely out of order. Your Fiance dropping the topic is a mistake, because it tells them, “ok, you win!”  He can’t do that anymore.

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