Post # 1
I really don’t know where else to ask. I don’t have much wedding experience and so my knowledge of wedding etiquette is limited. The Maid/Matron of Honor contacted the other brides maids the last week in January about setting up the bridal shower and bachelorett party. I’ve been saying since a year ago I wanted them to take place in April. I Chose 3 alternate weekends for the bridal party to choose from. I work many long hours including weekends. But I still think I offered flexibility. With almost 3 months notice, the Maid/Matron of Honor contacted everyone to say dates were picked. At first they did not respond to her for days. To the extent in which I had to get involved and ask they respond to Maid/Matron of Honor. One finally did and said the date the other 3 bridesmaids chose did not work. She did not ask what other dates were available. She tested me saying sorry and she had plans. But if I wanted to go out with her, she would do that. GEE thaaanks….
Sister 2- Has been in 5 bridal parties for her friends. She is a married mother of a baby. She flys, rents rentals, and drives up to 6-8 hours. She says the entire month is bad for her. She begs the Maid/Matron of Honor not to tell me bc she’s going to call me herself. We are in February and she has not called.
My fiance calls both and both curse him off for confronting them. Sister 2 went a step further and said all I have done is bash him to her. She said we shouldn’t get married and does not want to be in the wedding.
Now both sisters are out, their husbands resigned from being groomsmen, lost sister 1″s daughter as flower girl, and a son as ring bearer. With 3 months notice.
How do I deal with this? Should I invite them as guests at all? Their behavior really scares my family and I. My fiance says his family has humiliated him. Help!!!! I don’t even think I should contact them because they also deleted me from Facebook. It sounds like they never really liked me when I thought they did.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
@NJstateofmind: There seems to be a lot more going on here…there’s something missing for them to be reacting like this out of nowhere.
Post # 4
@NJstateofmind: You absolutely invite them unless you want to be hated by his family forever. Sorry, thats exactly what will happen if you exclude them. Why on earth would your Fiance cuss out his sisters over this? Is it really that big of a deal if they don’t come to your bridal shower? I am totally on the side that bridesmaids should try and help out beyond showing up but you can’t MAKE anyone and if they don’t want to do anything but by the dress and attend the wedding then that will just make them look bad BUT now that you and your Fiance have reacted this way you two are the ones that come out looking poorly. I would have your Fiance call and apologize, explain he is hurt that the sister retaliated by saying mean things about your relationship. If she apologizes reoffer her in the wedding,if not they still get an invite. If they dont come again it just makes them look bad but if you dont invite them you come out worse.
Post # 5
My fiance did not curse them out. They cursed HIM out. Also, I’m confused why I deserve to get treated the way I did. I have acted like a lady this entire time. ‘re-read the post.
Post # 6
My thoughts exactly. Just not completely sure and feel caught up in the cross fire.
Post # 7
Wow! That’s a lot to deal with. Unfortunately there is very little you can do about someone else’s behavior. Hold your head up high, enjoy your bachelorette/shower without them.
Send them invitations to the wedding. You don’t need to alienate the rest of the family. Having a a wonderful wedding without them in the weding party will be the best revenge.
Post # 8
@NJstateofmind: I wouldn’t invite anyone who bad talked me, bailed on me and then deleted me. If your fiancé wants them to come, then let him invite them and cross your fingers they decline. People are so selfish, it is sad. Their brother gets married so often right? Ugh…
Post # 9
@NJstateofmind: I don’t know, to me, them not being able to make the bridal shower/bachelorette party shouldn’t have been that big of a deal for your husband to call and nag them. I also have a feeling that they already weren’t that happy to be involved in the wedding in the first place, which is why they bailed on the bridal shower and why they decided to drop out. Sounds like you guys have some bad blood.
Post # 10
@soinlove79: I agree with this– I wouldn’t extend an invitation to anyone who felt I shouldn’t be getting married. What’s the point in them being there then?
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
They’re family and while they are all acting like children, they still get invitations to the wedding. Honestly, it’s better that they bowed out now rather than days before the wedding or worse, acted like total bee-yatches at the wedding. It sounds like they were excited to be asked to be in the bridal party but they didn’t want to deal with the reality of actually being bridesmaids. You and your husband ned to set up a meeting with everyone and let everyone hash out what is going on here because it seems like a lot more than just a dispute over bachelorette/shower dates.
Post # 12
There has to be more to this. Seems like they are over reacting to a small issue. I would invite them to the wedding. I would have Fiance talk to his parents, they may know more of what is going on and intervene. I know blood before water but it’s there sons wedding so maybe they can figure this out.
After you talk to the parents I would send them both letters/emails inviting them to all still be in the wedding, say you want to get past this entire thing, you want this to be the start to one big happy family. Then you’ve done what you can do.
In their defense if they are busy those days they are busy, your busy too.
Post # 13
@LDay1983: agreed. I think this is more than just miscommunication about party dates…
Post # 14
Send them invitations to your wedding. Find new bridal party members or not. When you finanlly have a bridal shower their is no need to invite the sisters.
Post # 15
@NJstateofmind: I agree there seems to be something else going on. But anyway:
1. They were not obliged to attend the bridal shower and bach. party. The one who is 6-8 hours away certainly doesn’t need to attend. (I hope no one was telling her she had to attend!).
2. Invite them to the wedding anyway. They’re your fiance’s sisters.
Post # 16
This is very odd. Did they buy bridesmaid dresses yet? Why did the events have to be in April? And why with onl 3 months notice? My events have been planned for June and August 2014 since Sept 2013.