(Closed) My fiance's white and my Chinese mother yells a lot

posted 5 years ago in East Asian
Post # 77
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@alai678 Yeah, I really don’t even know where they come up with these theories! I blame Chinese television. It’s so full of conspiracy theories, and somehow they end up thinking this is how relationships are, and the smallest thing is full of meaning and the next thing you know someone has disappeared. 

I also just read the thing about marrying you to inherit property. My Mother-In-Law says that sh** ALL the time, that you know gwailo girls, they just marry for the money. Are you f***ing serious?! That’s like, racism in the wrong direction! 

Post # 78
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2004

I’m sorry you had to deal with all of that, but at least your mom is coming to your wedding and didn’t disown you.  That is what happened to my husband.  He is Chinese and I am Black.  We haven’t spoken to his side of the family in 5 years.  We’ve been happily married for 9.  Try to set some boundaries with your mom, but keep in mind she lives in Hong Kong, you don’t have to see her everyday.  Be strong and you will make it through the wedding.

Post # 79
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh honey, I hear you.  Half Japanese with a tiger mom.  I know the all white Americans here go with this idea of standing up for yourself, etc, etc.  Don’t do it.  She’ll remind you of the horrible disrepect, shame on your family, ancestors and people for the rest of your days.  Mine yells at me for not running up the instance my fiance takes a sip of water to go refresh his drink.  She damn near fainted when HE poured sake for me in front of her (I told him for the sake of her heart to never do that again).  And of course, I’m never skinny enough, never have the right amount of makeup, he’ll leave me if I get fat and ugly, and I have horrible, gigantic American feet.  It’s just part of having an Asian mom.  You know the drill, just nod, look serious and just keep repeating “You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry”.  Appear penitent enough and she’ll move on.  The more interference your family and friends can run, the happier you’ll be.  Just don’t be the same way to your kids, and don’t give your daughter the same body image issues our mothers gave us. 

Post # 80
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@alai678:  Have you lived apart from your mom for awhile?  She sounds like a very typical Chinese mom.  My mom does the same thing.  Doesn’t matter if I’m right or not, she still yells because she’s “more” right.  You just have to let them get it off their chest.  That’s how they show affection…because if they don’t tell you what to do, then who will?  They only spend so much “effort” because they care…in a really bizarre and disturbing way.  I’m surprised that you cried so much.  It pretty much doesn’t phase me.  Annoys me?  Yes.  Upsets me?  Not so much.  Muuuuch more so during my teenage years.

Post # 81
Member
19 posts
Newbee

I feel ya… my mom is crazy too

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