Post # 1
I have a big family with lots of aunts/uncles/first cousins (my parents are both one of seven). Because of this, my guest list is bigger than my fiance’s – I have 165 from my side, his side is 110. My fiancé is completely fine with this because his family is much smaller.
My FMIL has an issue with this. When we got engaged, we asked her to put her guest list together and didn’t give her a limit. She made her list, but once she learned how many people I/my parents were inviting, she suddenly wanted to add more people. This was months ago. At that time, we let her add some additional people, but my fiancé limited it because he knew she was adding random people she barely sees/keeps in touch with (and that he has never heard of or met). She told him her reasoning was because she wanted to “know more people” at the wedding.
Our guest list is already bigger than we wanted – due to budgets and space. We’re actually hoping for some “no” RSVPs (which sounds terrible, but I hope some of you understand!). She already knows this and my fiance has told her this numerous times – but she will not stop asking, even now, a month before our wedding. I don’t want to hurt her but she is relentless and it’s starting to really make me upset that she isn’t considering our budget and space. Is she out of line or should we have made the guest list more even from the start? I don’t know if this is relevant but she isn’t paying for the wedding.
Post # 2
caparker : I would firmly but politely (or better still get your Fiance to) tell Future Mother-In-Law that your wedding is not an event solely created for the purpose of her being with everyone she knows, it is an event for you and your Fiance to spend time with their friends and loved ones, and there is a limit. She has invited all of her ‘must haves’. Regardless of if she will have less guest or not, the matter is closed and you do not wish to discuss it further.
Post # 3
Our wedding we had 170 and FI’s family was honestly 30 people max. (I have a big italian family)
The way we worked it out was between us. My parents paid for most of it so they invited more of their friends (it’s this wierd respect thing).
I would draw the line with your list – she’s inviting people just so she knows people? that’s selfish.
Post # 4
As far as your Future Mother-In-Law (and I think this should come from primarily your fiance), I would tell her flat out that you’re sorry, but you gave your final head count and simply can’t add anyone else at this time. If she tries to beg, say it’s not your call, it’s the venue’s and it’s too late. Then change the subject to how excited you are and that you can’t believe it’s only a month out!
As far as the split, 165 vs. 110 isn’t that big of a gap. I mean, yes, your “side” will have more, but a wedding is all about joining both sides anyway into one family. I would recommend, however, that you don’t do split seating during the ceremony if you’re worried about it looking lopsided. Just have everyone sit on whatever side they’d like. Your Future Mother-In-Law is being silly if she thinks that 110 people won’t be enough people to know at your wedding!
Post # 5
I have the much smaller guest list in my relationship. I am a transplant who moved to the opposite coast as a teenager. Therefore, only my parents/sister are local and I have 9 family members traveling to attend. My Fiance is the opposite. Both sides of his family live within an hour radius and since he was born and raised here, he has many more childhood and longtime friends than I do.
So the guest list will be uneven, but it doesn’t bother me. It’s just the way it works out and any gifts we receive benefit both of us.
We are paying so our parents had very little say (they paid to add on a few of their friends that we didn’t know)
Post # 6
I have 120 people in my family (not including friends), and my fiance has 40 people on his entire guest list (including friends). We told our family to only invite family, and then my fiance and I would pick friends. No friends of parents are invited unless we want them there. That kept our guest list within our control, and it kept our wedding more family-centric, which we both wanted. 🙂
Post # 7
Your future mother in law sounds out of line to be honest. If she was paying for it, then I could maybe understand being annoyed that’s she having to pay for more people she doesn’t know than ones she does, but this just seems like she’s upset because she doesn’t know as many people, which just seems very petty.
The fact that it’s so close to the wedding now as well is ridiculously inconsiderate. Don’t entertain the conversations anymore.
Personally my family consist of my parents, my brother and his wife. My fiancé has 9 immediate family members who live within an hour’s drive and a whole bloody ton further out, spread across the whole planet. We’ve regularly joke about the fact that all our friends will have to sit on my side of the ceremony so it doesn’t get lopsided!
Post # 8
Mine is almost twice the size as Fiance and I think that’s a non issue.
Post # 9
I think it’d be a pretty huge coincidence if you had the same number of invitees on each side. She needs to chill. Sounds like she thinks it’s a popularity contest or something.
Post # 10
Do not invite any of the people who were added to be equal. Wanting things equal to this extreme is something people should get over no later than the age of 12.
There will be *one hundred and nine people* there that she knows and her excuse is that she needs more people to talk to???
Post # 11
Have your fiance speak to her. There’s no point of starting your marriage on a sour note with your Future Mother-In-Law even if she’s wrong.
Post # 12
caparker : Hubbys Family ( Italian) had about 220, My side was about 30!!!!! 😂😂😂
Post # 13
At my best friend’s wedding, she had more guests then her husband did. The pews were filled mainly on the bride’s side. So my fiance and I moved to the groom’s side just so it looked like he had more guests.
As for our list I too have more family coming, my fiance doesn’t have as many friends or family as I do.
Post # 14
my husband has a huge family and a ton of friends. he inititally gave me a 300 person guest list.
my mom was paying and i wanted a smaller wedding. i thought 120 people was reasonable. he cut his list to 80 and i had 40 people to invite. it did not feel one sided at all.
Post # 15
My husband had a much larger family than I did, so when we married I paid for a percentage of those guests and my parents paid for the rest.
No one cared a R’SA who had more on either side.
Fiance should politely and firmly tell his mother that however many times she asks to include more guests, the answer will always be a polite but firm “No”.