- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
So where to begin?
Well I commented earlier today on a blog post by one of the Bee’s lovely brides to be, a post talking about Naysayers. I thought, since I have asked just about everyone in my family and my bf about this maybe it would be nice to get a different perspective on a perpetual problem I have had since my bf and I became marriage serious.
Well a year ago my bf and I started talking about marriage seriously. Families met, and all was going well. Thankfully all that still is. The trouble I am having (or had, depending on how you look at it) is that few of my friends were excited, or even interested in the news. Fewer still who continue to speak with me. I’ve racked over in my mind what I could have done differently, but I was excited to talk about how well my relationship was going, and soon I started realizing my friends (girlfriends especially, Im actually closer to my guy friends now) starting talking to me less. Phone calls, emails, facebook msg, the works, I’ve tried getting together, talking to people, asking them to call me. I didnt want to talk about my relationship anymore, in fact I didnt do that specificly because after the intial reactions I felt bad about being so happy. So many people looked at me like I was completely nuts for wanting to be serious. I just wanted to hang out like we used to.
Theres only so much you can do. I guess what I find odd is the collective group that has stopped talking to me. They have all met the bf, and liked him, and said so. I think the fact that they were shocked, or upset (some of them) by even hearing the news that I wanted to get married (I was quite a partier back in the day, not so much anymore) just possibly made them feel alienated some how? I have no clue
For some background information, my ex was a mutual friend of this group. One of my former good girlfriends actually introduced me to this soon to be biggest mistake of my life. It was a pretty emotionally abusive and unhealthy relationship that unfortunately lead my ex to cause lines in the sand to be drawn. It could be the fact that my ex was welcomed into the group afterward…and as for me…well I sure didnt feel welcome. Of the friends who came out of the fallout, there are a handful I still speak too. I would like to believe my friends are of good enough natures to not have selectively chosen my abusive ex over myself, or that they are not as fickle as to dislike me because Im not the single party go-to girl anymore. I really want to believe that, but here I am, I might be getting engaged soon, and I find myself wondering what the hell happened.
I think I talked about my new relationship just once, and talked about how we wanted to get married just once with my girlfriends. After the shock, awe, and crazy looks, I felt it wise to not talk about it anymore. I dunno these are reasonable people I like to believe, but after those reactions….I have to admit I was really hurt. I really do believe I tried my best to reconnect, reach out, but who knows. I guess what Im asking bees is that…did I do wrong by talking about how happy I was? I know you are never supposed to give up your girlfriends when you go into a relationship, but what if they give you up once you get serious about someone? I just need some advice as to how to cope, deal, and if this has happened to anyone else before
Thank you for your time, and yes I guess I did Vent a bit in there too 😛 Sorry its so long!