(Closed) My first and only boyfriend to become my fiance!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 33
Member
2113 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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@simplicitea:  that’s great! Also, I forgot to add. My mom and dad were each other’s first boyfriend/girlfriend back in high school and they have been together ever since. They never cared to date anyone else because they knew they were meant to be. 

Post # 34
Member
9834 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Congratulations on finding the right one the first time!

Post # 35
Member
397 posts
Helper bee

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@simplicitea:  That’s lovely 🙂 Congratulations!! 

Post # 36
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

   My fiance and I have been since we were 17. We will be 24 and 25 when we get married in August. Although we dated other people in high school prior to one another, I don’t really count those.

     There are pros and cons to what your parents are saying. Although my fiance and I may not have experience dating other people, we have gone through a lot of experiences that married couples may not have.

    I also think that if you have only dated your fiance that you need to make sure you’ve both had life experiences that have tested your relationship together and not together. (For example, I studied abroad for a semester and had very little contact with him. At another point, we both lost our grandparents in the same month.)

  On an ending note- my grandma and grandpa were 14 when they started dating and they were married until she died. Altogether- they were with one another for almost 70 years and I have never seen a more devoted and in love couple to this day. Sometimes- it is just meant to be.

Post # 38
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@simplicitea:  I got it right the first time too, as did my husband. 😉 never dated anyone before him, and he never dated anyone before me either. I’m glad I don’t have to think about his previous sexual partners or any of that stuff. and he’s just as happy to have me as his one and only for his whole life, he thinks it makes it special.

you do not need dating experience with other people to get it right with one person. every individual is unique anyway. what you learn about one guy, will not apply to the next guy. and you can definitely mature in one lengthy relationship just as much as in a string of relationships, if not more!

 

my parents also said “you never dated anyone else before, how can you know!”, but just because I don’t DATE other guys doesn’t mean I haven’t gotten to know other guys, and truthfully none come close to the one I picked first. anyway don’t worry about it being your ‘only’ relationship; relationships are a choice, and you chose this!

Post # 39
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@simplicitea:  I agree with you AND your parents! My Fiance and I got together at 19/21. We were too young to settle down then, and so we broke up for three years at 22/24. It was the best thing we could have done! We both “played the field” and grew as individuals, and then got back together knowing that we were right for each other.

Without having done that, I think there always would have been that slight doubt in the back of our minds – were we just together because we were scared of being alone? The fact that after three years apart we couldn’t stop thinking about each other, means that now we know it’s right! That’s just our experience though, and it definitely wasn’t easy.

Post # 40
Member
8435 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@simplicitea:  I think it just comes down to personality/relationship differences.  For someone that wants to settle down, finding the person on the first attempt is great.  However, for someone like me that didn’t want to settle down, dating and “playing the field” was absolutely necessary for me; otherwise, I would’ve definitely felt like I was missing out.  I don’t think there is one correct way to approach this, it’s just what works for each individual.  It’s like getting a hole in one instead of playing the entire course, some would be happy while others would feel like they didn’t get enough play time.

Post # 41
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

@simplicitea:  I think I misread something in your OP because it sounded like you were saying that you and your BF don’t have arguements or drama (drama, being a subjective term). 

With that said, I don’t think you should toss away a relationship that is good simply because people think you should have more dating experience, and honestly you’ll never be able to know if you’d have benefited from dating others or not until you are much older and can reflect on these years.

On a side note, the longer you are with someone, the longer you have to work on yourselves as a couple. It is very likely that if you and he were to have started dating later in life, you could be dealing with drama caused by still figuring yourselves out as a couple. I don’t think starting over from zero, just to “be sure” is the right thing to do, not at all. There isn’t just one road to experience.

Post # 42
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@simplicitea:  My Fiance has had three girlfriends before me (one serious relationship of 1.5 years), but I had never been in a relationship before him. I hadn’t even kissed someone else! We’ve been together since we were 19 and just got engaged after our 6th anniversary. We won’t be married until after 8 years together.

I understand what your parents are saying. They’re concerned and they love you. They want to make sure you’re both completely commited to the idea of being with only one another the rest of your lives.

You and your Fiance are the only ones who know what is best for you at the moment. If you want to get married just smile, thank them for their advice, and tell them you got it right the first time.

Post # 43
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think you both have good points. I think it just depends on the relationship.

Personally, I started dating my DH at 15, got engaged at 25 and married at 27. I couldn’t be happier. We were each other’s first serious bf/gf (because really, bfs/gfs at age 12 don’t count haha).

However, I have a friend that started dating a guy when she was 16 and while they are still together at 28, they have a lot of problems. I think she won’t leave because he is all that she knows and she’s scared to end it.

If you find the right person then you find them, no matter what the age. Its not super common to meet someone at 14 and end up marrying them so it kind of makes it hard for people to believe/understand if it didn’t happen to them. It happens.

Post # 44
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m in a very similar situation. Most everyone is very supportive of our engagement, but my mother has mentioned that her “only concern” is that we’ve never dated anyone else. From my perspective, I feel like Fiance has saved me from multiple bad relationships and heartbreak. We’ve been very committed since we started dating at fifteen, but in that time I’ve had close friendships with three different guys. I would have dated each of them if it weren’t for him. Each time I’ve thought “maybe I could have been just as happy with x as I am with Fiance,” but then something happened and I realized that a relationship with that person would have ended poorly. I’m glad I didn’t have to have those experiences in real life to realize that. I guess my point is that you don’t necessarily have to date people to know that they’re not as good for you as the one you’re with. And anyway, are you supposed to date everyone to find the very best fit? No, you just know it’s right when you find it. And you can get relationship experience from just one relationship — dating a series of people doesn’t necessarily make you better at being in a relationship.

It’s different for everyone, and you’ll get all kinds of stories. It might be good advice, but they’re not you, so don’t think that your case is the same. In my case, we’re both young, but our personalities are geared towards commitment rather than experimentation. We share the same values and he makes me feel beautiful and supports me through anything. I can’t say what the future will bring, but we’ve been through a lot, we’ve learned how to be with each other, and I am confident that we “got it right on the first try.” Here’s to hoping that your relationship is long and happy. 

Post # 45
Member
1862 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

@simplicitea:  I’m in the same boat! I married my first boyfriend, and I was his first girlfriend. We met as kids and we’ve been married for almost 8 years. When you know, you just know!

Post # 46
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

My best friend met her husband in highschool and dated him since about 14. She told me she had kissed one other guy before him and that’s it. They are incredibly happy together. It can work.

You found someone who makes a great partner for you and you did it early! Lucky you! If you’re sure about him then don’t let other people talk you out of it. 

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