Post # 1
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
So I’ve been engaged less than a week (okay, a week as of today!) and I just had my first complete “forget the wedding, let’s elope” moment.
I’m getting a discount on our reception and food due to family work ties and even with that, the reception and food will take up 50% to 75% of our budget. Basically, I can have it in the nice ballroom where everyone else does for 75% or in the smaller grill overlooking a lake for 50%.
I’m being a brat. I want what everyone else has. I want the pretty wedding in the ballroom.
I’m to the point where I’m about to say “screw it and screw you!” and go elope. I’m so upset. And on top of that, of course I have PMS, am running my own business and temporarily managing an office.
Why won’t people let you have what you want and stop suggesting things? Thanks mom, but you’re not helping.
The kicker. My mother said that I need to have a small wedding. (I tend to freak out because I’m a control freak so smaller is better for me). We agreed that 125 was small but big enough. Today she says “That’s why I told you that you should have a small wedding – like 50 people.” No, you said small like 125. You can’t cut my guest list in less than half! If that’s the case, who do we not invite? How about we just cut my side of the family out?
(I don’t want bridesmaids… I have 4. I want like 1 flower girl, if any…. I have 3. Again, why can’t I have what I want?!)
Post # 3
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
Planning is definitely stressful! Are your parents paying for the wedding? If so, that’s why you can’t have what you want 😉
Best advice I can give for planning is to pick your battles. If something isn’t that important to you, but is really important to your mom, let her have it.
If your wedding date is correct, you still have lots of time to decide where you want to have it.
Post # 4
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
Planning is definitely stressful! Are your parents paying for the wedding? If so, that’s why you can’t have what you want 😉
Best advice I can give for planning is to pick your battles. If something isn’t that important to you, but is really important to your mom, let her have it.
If your wedding date is correct, you still have lots of time to decide where you want to have it.
Post # 5
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
You probably would be better off in a smaller space with only 125 people on your guest list, so you should really go with the smaller space overlooking the lake because it won’t be what everybody else has already done and it’ll probably fit your guest list better. So, maybe not getting what you want in this instance will actually end up what you do want in the long run.
Also, planning a wedding has tons of ups and downs, the big stuff is the hardest stuff and then it’ll get easier.
Most weddings the venue and food account for the most in the budget, 50-75% is not actually that uncommon from what I’ve seen. My reception (venue, food, rentals, alcohol) is going to be abouut 55% of my total budget and my guest list is right at 100.
Post # 6
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
Food/venue/baverage taking up the majority of the budget is okay. That’s the most expensive piece of the pie. I don’t know a specific percentage, but you can plug your total budget into the calculators on other sites and check that out.
With just a week having passed since the proposal, you don’t have to have the guest list finalized. Take some time to relax and enjoy being engaged! You can have these more specific conversations after you settle on the over look/feel of the wedding.
Post # 7
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
@EleanorRigby: They’re giving us an amount to use as we please – the same amount that they gave my sisters 6 years ago and 8 years ago.
Tell me, does $5 go as far this year as it did 5 years ago? Didn’t think so. (Another thing I’m mad about)
Post # 8
Member
35 posts
Newbee
I definitely suggest having the “what’s important to who” conversation. Make a list of all the majors and rate them on a scale of 1 to 10, 15, whatever. Have your Fiance and all other important parties do the same. Then, you can see who stands where on what issues and it’s easier to pick your battles.
We learned that from a bride bootcamp and it has saved MANY disagreements!
EDIT: I agree with letting yourself be happy and engaged for a bit, too. Then, dive in!
Post # 9
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
@SFreeman- Probably not, but at least you’re getting something! A lot of people don’t get any help. I agree that you should try to just enjoy. I tried to jump right into the planning too, but there’s only so much you can do right away anyway. If your venue isn’t going to be booked, take some time to think about it.
Post # 10
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
@SFreeman2187: Yep, my parents told me they’d give me the same as my sister who married in ’99 and I always wondered about the inflation bit but never asked. They finally volunteered recently that it would be adjusted for inflation (they are hoping I will get engaged soon). Taking round numbers, if they gave her $10k, getting married next year that’d be $13.7k w/inflation. Obviously your figures are smaller though. It’s nice they are being generous to offer you money, but unfortunate it won’t include inflation. Did they say why?
Post # 11
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
Maybe the place that is giving you a discount isn’t the right venue for you. And no, not everyone has a pretty wedding in a ballroom. Some people do them outside, or in a restaurant, or at a loft, or in a museum or an art gallery or… there a lots of places that brides get married. Not just a ballroom!
You have to prioritize. What are you flexible with? Can you up the budget? Can you change venues (if it’s been less than a week, you might not have scoped out all your options)? Can you change the number of guests? Being on a budget means focusing on the most important things to you – and if that means being in a ballroom, then really make sure you’re getting the best deal.
Your wedding will be amazing, but sometimes it takes a bit more hunting and strategizing before things fall into place!
Post # 12
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
Just sit down and write out everything you want and do some research online to see what it might cost. Research every little thing you might want to include to find the best deal. It might help you deal with the stress to have it all right in front of you. That is what i did and haven’t felt one ounce of stress until recently the wedding being only one month away and all the last minute things we had to wait until the wedding got closer to do. Best of luck and remember to do what you want it is your big day.
