(Closed) My first bridesmaid dilemma.. what do you think?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2451 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Are you being taken advantage of? Yes, you are. I don’t think you can compare yourself in college to her situation now, because it’s apples and oranges. But yes, she is taking advantage of your generosity. She did not make buying the dress a priority over the last 4 months because she figured if worst came to worst, you’d buy it.

As far as what to do about it, I don’t know. I guess you have to decide whether you’d rather be out $140 or  out a bridesmaid. There’s a really good chance she doesn’t have the money and won’t be able to pay in the next 10 days. I guess you could just tell her you don’t have the cash either and you’ll both have to cross your fingers you can still get the dress come January.

Post # 4
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t buy the dress, especially since you know her history. And she has a job and you don’t, AND you watch her child for CHEAP!!! If she can’t get it, I would just tell her she can’t be in the wedding. My friend told me she wasn’t going to be able to but the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress either and she is not in it either. You have other things to worry about. It’s just depending how bad you want her in your wedding.

Post # 5
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Unfortunately, I do think you’re being taken advantage of.  I would not give her the money.  It would be different if she was trustworthy enough where you knew she’d pay you back, but she’s already built up that reputation for herself, so it sounds like you already know you would not get the money.  Her reasoning for the babysitting decline in pay is ridiculous as well.

Truthfully, I would have a nice, calm conversation with her about the cost of being a bridesmaid.  You can always ask her if it’s something she can afford, and if not, then mention you do understand if she has to back out.

If you are unemployed and only depend on unemployment checks for your means, there’s no way you should be loaning money to others like her.

Post # 6
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I wouldn’t get the dress. If worse comes to worse, she either won’t be a bridesmaid or will be in a different, but similar color. Either option is better than being taken advantage of.

Post # 7
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Since you originally just wanted them to have the same length and color I would just leave her to buy a different dress closer to the wedding.

Post # 8
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Nope!! I would tell her sorry, but no.  I am sure there are other people she can bum money off of!

Post # 9
1601 posts
Bumble bee

I am not sure what to tell you, but I wanted to share my experience. When I got married, all of my BMs had ordered their dresses except for one. The store called me saying they needed to send the order out. Bridesmaid or Best Man texted me and called me, she said she could not afford it. She has a full time permanent job, and I was on unemployment. I thought I was going to lose her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, so I paid for half. It sucked. My DH was really upset. I still don’t understand why.

This is a tough situation, but you may be being taken advantage of.

Post # 10
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Sit down with her and explain that you can’t afford to help her right now.  You said in the beginning that you were okay with the girls in different dresses as long as it was the same color and lenght.  So if they don’t have that dress in a few months she can pick a new one.

Post # 11
11267 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

View original reply
@bells:  +1

Post # 12
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Just tell her you’re sorry but you can’t afford to purchase her dress and you understand if she doesn’t have the money to be in the wedding.

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