(Closed) My first wedding related melt down!!!!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Oh man.  Does that mean she is agreeing to change her date? 

I think that you are right in that you should hold claim to the date.  You booked it first. You mentioned it to her before.  And in the midst of planning, I can aprreciate your nervousness when she started in on moving the wedding to fall of 2010.  Yikes!

Try to understand her frustration too.  Sounds like she had her heart set on a Destination Wedding.  And it didn’t happen.  Then she wanted October 10th and had to change that too.  I know you told her a while ago about 10-10, but it probably slipped her mind.  I don’t think she did it on purpose.  It was a detail that was more important to you than her.  You two don’t seem to be chatting a whole lot.  You didn’t know she changed the wedding.  Sounds like she didn’t know you were even engaged.

Are you in each other’s weddings?  Maybe you should call her and ask if there is something you can do to help.  Since you have a lot of your wedding stuff under your belt.  Maybe you can offer some ideas or vendor opinions.  Or maybe she’d like to chatand do some venting of her own.  She’s probably disappointed about having to change her plans, twice.

Post # 4
37 posts
  • Wedding: September 2009

That sucks for both of you but…you already planned and booked people. She must be SO frustrated though. I agree with Tanya..try to understand her side of things too. You already have a date and are moving towards planning a great wedding. She’s back at square 1 :o(

Post # 5
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

oh nooo! i am so sorry to hear that!

Post # 6
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am so sorry to hear about your possible conflict :-/  It sounds like you put a lot of thought into your date, and that she probably did for her intial date as well, so it’s totally understandable that you would get pretty attached.  And now that you have some things nailed down already, it sounds like you are both emotionally and financially committed to that date.

She may just need some time to cool down.  Perhaps she hasn’t fully committed to that date yet and was just upset to (re-)learn that it was already taken by you.  Maybe if you haven’t heard from her in a few days (or whatever would be a reasonable time, given the circumstances and your relationship), you could call her and try to reframe the whole issue.  Instead of emphasizing the conflict, help her to think about some possible dates in June 2010 so she can be a June bride like she originally talked about.  Hello–peonies are available in June, isn’t that reason enough??? 🙂  And, if you feel comfortable, maybe you could suggest doing wedding planning stuff together so that you guys are working together instead of competing or working against each other (because even having a wedding during the same year can be kind of hard).  That way, too, you can ensure that your weddings are unique from each other’s. 

I hope you won’t have to deal with anymore conflicts on you date–I am sure it will be a popular one.  I remember that I had several friends from different groups getting married on 7-7-07, and it was so difficult to choose which wedding to attend!  Maybe you should send out Save-The-Date Cards as soon as possible to "call" the date 🙂

Please keep us updated–I am interested to learn how it works out!


Post # 7
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Sounds like a sticky situation! I think its good that you told her up front that your date was 10-10-10, so that she can’t come back in a few weeks, after she’s planned a few things out, and pretend it was a coincidence or oversight.

I’m sure she’s pretty bummed that her Destination Wedding plans got cancelled, and that she won’t even be able to have her wedding locally on the date that she wanted. Are you guys really close? Do you have a lot of the same guests? (For me, with some of my cousins, we’d have a ton of the same guests. For another cousin, we wouldn’t have any of the same guests…) Worst case scenario is that she goes ahead with 10-10-10 and you won’t be able to attend each other’s weddings.  

However, you might want to call her back up in a few days and just see how all of her planning is going and talk to her about everything. Mention how much you have planned, and that it sucks that her original plans got cancelled, but that you wanted to see if she picked a date, if you could help, etc etc. I think that if you sort of avoid the situation, you guys may end up with the same date and a lot of hurt feelings.  

Post # 9
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I agree that its a bit suspect… but definitely don’t avoid her or avoid wedding talk with her for the next few months, because then she might "forget" again. The best thing to do is to confront the situation and just be totally honest with her about everything! Good luck!!!

Post # 10
2 posts
  • Wedding: February 2010

Why can’t she have the destination wedding in June but also have a civil ceremony or a nice reception (not on 10/10/10) for the friends and relatives that couldn’t afford the travel? Your cousin wouldn’t really purposely jack your date, would she? That’s pretty below the belt if that’s the case.  

That’s exactly what we’re doing. Not jacking someone’s date, lol, having the destination wedding and the civil ceremony here in the states. There are multiple reasons. Karl was a planned "later in life" baby. His parents are the same generation as my grandparents. Karl is 33, his parents are 83 and 79. Karl has 2 much older siblings. 1 was a quickie JP wedding after they’d already been together for 10 yrs and the other has no intentions of getting married anytime soon. I think his parents deserve to see at least 1 of their children get married before they die. As for my side… I have 2 older half-sisters and 2 younger brothers. I’m my mother’s youngest daughter and she didn’t get to see either of my 2 older sisters get married. I know a piece of her heart would break if she didn’t get to attend a daughter’s wedding. I’m also my dad’s only daughter. Every dad wants the Father/Daughter dance. Karl and I want to have that special, once in a lifetime experience for us but we also want to share it with our loved ones. This way, everyone is happy.     

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