(Closed) My FMIL VENT… (LONG)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MsPanda:  Are you paying for the wedding, or your family? Because honestly, if it’s your parents for the majority of the funding, I would leave it to them, not to fight your battles for you, but to lay down the law. They are paying, this is their daughter’s wedding, etc. Any chance your Fiance is an only or the youngest child? If your family is not involved, I would seriously write a letter/email explaining that while you appreciate her input, this (xyz) is the current plan for the wedding, and just be blunt.

Post # 6
Member
8430 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MsPanda:  Wow that is such an revealing dress!!!!!! (insert sarcasim font). Thank Future Mother-In-Law for her opinion and move on. She is expressing her opinion which she is entitled to but you do not have to take it or agree with it. Kill her with kindness.

Your Fiance needs to say- Mum you can invite (insert number) to the wedding and we need the final list (insert date) otherwise we will have to make the cuts. But since it seems he wont you need to talk to him and say how it is unfair to make you the bad guy to your Future Mother-In-Law and that you both need to be on the same page about this issue. Then you can both tell her what I said above!

 

Post # 7
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would simply tell her she is over the limit, and if she does not tell you what 15 people to cut by X date, you’ll have to decide yourself, because no one else has gone over their limit, the venue simply doesn’t have the space, and you are not changing your venue, and there must be a seat for everyone. Beyond that it’s tough to give advice based on what you said about your Fiance not putting his foot down with her, because this should be his problem to deal with! What would he do if you told him he either has to come up with the money for 15 extra guests or make his mom cut her list?

Post # 8
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would type up a bill for the extra people. Tell her pay this or cut the guest list. Maybe if she sees it in dollars it will help. I wouldn’t change anything for her. Your paying the bill and are nice enough to let her invite 50 people. Seriously that should be enough. I have had an overbearing mil for years so I feel your pain 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

well, it’s your wedding right? you don’t need her to cut her guest list. you can cut it for her. invite who YOU want to be there.

Post # 10
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Wonderstruck:  This!

I feel like since your entire family and FI’s dad’s family only amounts to 80, she’s already getting more than her fair share of the guest list. I agree, tell her that she can only have 50 and if she can’t choose who to cut, then you will just take the top 50 on her list. 

Your dress is not revealing at all, and she can shut her mouth cause she doesn’t have to wear it.

There’s no way you should be shelling out an extra $2000 to switch venues and all the extra planning that goes along with it. If your Future Mother-In-Law wants to foot the bill, then maybe, but as this is her oldest son and she’s not paying anything, she should just keep her thoughts to herself. Also, how can she complain you’re spending too much money? What business is it of hers, though if this is a touchy subject and you guys have talked about how much you’re spending on X, maybe not a good idea to do anymore…

Asking other people for money is completely unacceptable, definitely with you on that point!

Bottom line, this is sooooo not her wedding, she can either come as a guest and be grateful or keep her rump and opinions at home.

Post # 11
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would tell her if she doesn’t cut the list, you will, and it will be more than 15 people. Let her get her panties all in a twist, but don’t back down. Remind her this is YOUR wedding, and you are paying for it, so what you say goes. And she will just have to deal with it. And yeah, there may be more to the story, but your Fiance really does need to tell her that she is overstepping her boundaries big time

Post # 12
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

That’s a beautiful dress and is totally fine for a church! I don’t understand what she is talking about. 

As to being over her guest lists, if she doesn’t cut it, I would just go down the list and invite those people until you reach your limit, leaving the extra 15 out. You can always put them on the B list when you get regrets. 

Post # 13
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I love that dress, as for asking for money, getting married at the church, her family cooking, anytime she brings it up you shut it down right away by telling her those choices have been made you are no longer talking/debating about it, and move on to the next  subject.

As for the guest list, if you know for sure she won’t shell out a dime, write up a bill for the cost of her extra people, but it soundsl ike your venue doesn’t have spacce for them, so add the cost of the venue. Then ask fmil if she is willing to cut you a check for it because you can’t afford it. Then give her date when she either needs to pay up, or trim the guest list, then follow through on it. As for your Fi all I’m going to say now that you guys are getting married it would be the perfect time for him to step up and start changing the dynamic and asserting himself as a grownman in this situation. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to spend my married live constantly dealing with HIS mother. Also don’t forget things she would forgive her child for she most likly would hold a grudge againist you for, so it will take a toll on your relationship with her.

Post # 14
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

haha, she sounds terrible lol! I’m sorry, OP! First thing I would do is prioritize the list of things that she wants by how much you don’t want them. Try to give her maybe one thing off of the list. Say, “I respect your ideas and would like to implement *insert one idea*. Some things I can’t do, *list all other ideas*.” Eh, sucky situation, but keep strong and don’t give in to all of her demands! 

Post # 15
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I would ask her one more time, face to face, to cut the guest list. If she refuses, say “Well, if that’s how you feel, then I WILL cut it. Keep in mind I don’t know who most of these people are…and I think I’ll cut 25 instead of 15.”

You need to play hardball with this woman.

Post # 16
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@TwoCityBride:  This is the best suggestion I have seen so far. Make her pay for the extra people and venue or cut it. I am sure once she sees a bill that migt change her mind. Tell her that is what you are faced with if she has her 15 people.

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