(Closed) My FMIL hates me. *Rant*

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

That is awful. What does your fiance say about all this? Have you tried inviting her over to your house? She’s being ridiculous, but my real problem is that your fiance is allowing her to be. I think you have very valid concerns about the future if she won’t agree to meet you. Have you asked your fiance how he sees things working in the future? 

On the plus side, I guess a chocolate bar is a step up from a random $6?

Post # 4
Member
6110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

Why hasn’t your Fiance stood up to his mom For you? All he has to do is tell her you’re coming over for Christmas. End of story. If she still refuses, then neither of y’all go. I don’t see why he lets her get away with this behavior.

Post # 5
Member
5788 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with pp. That’s awful. He may need to reconsider going at all if you’re not invited. Esp now that you’re engaged!!

Post # 6
Member
46595 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Time for your Fiance to man up and just tell his Mom that he is no longer going to tolerate her behavior.

She would be all over someone who was discrininating against her son based on his race, but it’s ok for her to treat you like this because you are Caucasian? NOT!

Post # 7
Member
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m guessing based on your avatar that you’re white and your fiance is black. She probably doesn’t “hate” you (it’s hard to hate someone you don’t know), but she might be uncomfortable with her son marrying someone from a race that has disempowered hers throughout her lifetime. This will be a different dynamic than your father accepting your Fiance. Part of white privilege is demanding everyone like you without regard to your race- so I’d try to demonstrate to her why she should like you as an individual, one who loves her son very much. It sucks but you’ve already seen some progress, and I’d focus on that. 

Post # 9
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

The way she’s treating you is crap.  Your Fiance needs to make more of an effort to stand up for you.

Post # 10
Member
2685 posts
Sugar bee

I’ll echo PP’s and say that your Fiance needs to step up next time there is a family event.  Either you both are invited or neither of you go, non-negotiable.  You are going to be a married couple and you deserve to be treated as such.  Maybe his mom will realize the error of her ways and open her heart to you or maybe she will react poorly and keep the same attitude she already has.  Either way, I think you guys will be better off than where you are right now.

Post # 12
Member
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I feel like the statement “She is set in her ways” is an excuse to continue tolerating her behavior.  Your Fiance should tell her that #1, it’s NOT ACCEPTABLE the way she is behaving towards you, and #2, he will NOT see or speak to her until she can learn to accept you as part of his life and subsequently, hers.

 

Post # 13
Member
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I agree that your Fiance is going to have to step up and talk to his mom. She is being completely unreasonable.

It may take some time, but hopefully she will come to terms with this. In the meantime, I don’t see what you can do but continue being as open and thoughtful as you can.

Post # 14
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@bleusteel:  

@allyfally:  I completely agree with this bee. You two are going to be married – you are ONE UNIT. You cannot allow her to manipulate you both – from now on, I strongly suggest you inform her that the two of you are a package deal. She gets both or none of you. 

 

See how long her resolve lasts when she realizes she doesn’t get to see her son without getting over her garbage baggage about you. 

Post # 15
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@allyfally:  I agree that your Fiance should be standing up for you.  If she doesn’t allow you to be a part of the family at holidays and other gatherings, then he should say that he is not going to be a part of those things, either.

Post # 16
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@LMD:  +1 

that is total bull this is up to your Fiance to handle and I’m be SUPER pissed if he wasn’t doing everything he possibly could (including cutting her out of his life if she doesn’t change her behavior) 

also. Who the heck is THAT racist nowadays? How does she even function in society if she hates white people that much. So silly. 

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