Post # 1
Preface: My fiancee [M from here on out] and I have known each other since elementary school, and were friends all throughout middle and high school. Also, he was engaged before. His ex broke it off the week before the wedding after admitting she had been cheating on him for a undisclosed amount of time. This was about two month’s before M and I started dating. So obviously, I’ve known his family for a good portion of my life.
He swears his mother likes me. And I swear that she’s trying to push me out of his life so she can keep him all to herself. She’s snarky and rude anytime we go over there. M and his ex rarely ever went to his parents house, because his ex hated his family and couldn’t stand to be over there. He would usually go alone to family functions, or just to hang out, swim, etc. Once we got together, his mom seemed bothered by the fact that I would come with him to things and always made comments about it and on more than one occasion has asked me “don’t you have your own family to hang out with?” She’s always asking for money. [which she should not need, seeing how she brings home $2000 every two weeks] She frequently writes “take *blank amount of money* off the debt you owe me” in M’s birthday or Christmas cards [this “debt” is what she contributed to the previous wedding that didn’t happen] and refuses to help contribute anything to our wedding. Fine, whatever. My parents have offered to pay.
I’ve tried to keep her in the loop about wedding plans. The day I bought my dress, I went to M’s familys house for a cookout. His sisters wanted to see the pictures of it, so I showed them and asked her if she wanted to see as well. She looked at it and said “oh.” That was it. Nothing else. She hates the color for the bridesmaid dresses. She thinks my Wizard of Oz concept is dumb and going to make it more like a kids birthday party. She hates that I want to use poppies for the girls bouquets. She’s mad I’m having my niece as the flower girl, not M’s. [he has three of them, I refuse to have four flower girls, and they’re too young to be jr bridesmaids. *7,6,4*] She thinks it’s rude I’m having his younger sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and not his older sister [who is his half sister, and covered in tattoos that are far from appropriate to be in a dress. plus, we aren’t close like I am with the younger sis] She refuses to wear a dress to the wedding [which I didn’t really ask of her, I just mentioned my mom had recently found one] and she said I’ll be lucky if I get her in dress pants. She thinks it is stupid that my Maid/Matron of Honor is planning on throwing my bridal shower [even though she has no interest in doing it] This past weekend, we were talking music and M asked her if she had any insight on a song for the mother/son dance. Her suggestion? “She f*cking hates me” by Puddle of Mudd. She even offered to sing it kareoke style during the dance. SERIOUSLY?! I don’t what the crap I’ve done to this woman, but I’m about to lose my mind. I don’t know how much more of this I can take between now and April.
Shew. Thanks for letting me vent hive! I feel better letting all that out into the open. And if anyone has any suggestions, I would LOVE to hear them.
Post # 3
@siimplycraziie: This woman is just all kind of crazy and the problem is that since the last wedding didnt go through as planned and as abrupt as it did, she cant put herself in a position to be happy or excited about whats coming up. I would say do your best to keep a smile on your face and not let her ruin the experience for you and M. This is a happy time and she needs to build a bridge and get over it.
Post # 4
I just wanted to comment on the part where you say that she gets annoyed about you always being there whenever he goes to his family’s house. My brother is a complete and total nester. He doesn’t move wihout his girlfriend and, sometimes, I can tell that my mother wishes that she could spend more alone time with her son. Even I, on occasion, have felt the same way. It’s not so much that you shouldn’t be there, but rather the effort that he puts in to keep the relationship with his mother and family as well.
Have you attempted to ask her to lunch or to have a one on one conversation with her? Sometimes that really helps just to allow her to see your personality outside of being on her son’s arm.
Post # 5
why is your Fiance giving her money? i think you need to talk to your Fiance and see how ongoing that is because i would be pissed if my home/family was going without because he was giving money constantly to his parents for no real reason
as you have tried to include her in things and shes not reacted nicely i would just step back and treat her as an invited guest with no expectation other than she will be there for her son
going forward, i would be polite but not engage her, dont ask for her opinions, dont expect her to be warm and friendly – cold politeness
Post # 6
MY suggestion, keep as many of the details to yourself between now and April, if you do not want to hear her opinion. And it sounds like her opinion is only going to hurt your feelings.
My mom acts this way sometimes, there is no logical reason. I just remind myself it is not me, it’s her! And sometimes I can understand, she is under a lot of stress, othertimes, it makes no sense.
Post # 7
You poor girl. I truly feel for you as I have a Mother-In-Law from h*ll as well. She never liked me from the time we started dating. I wasn’t “good enough” for him. The difference in my Mother-In-Law and your Future Mother-In-Law, is mine stabbed me in the back more often than coming right out and saying it to me. (Although she has said stuff directly to me). I hate to tell you, it only gets worse once you have children. After years of putting up with her mouth, my husband finally told her to shove it. We have had no contact with them since then, probably about since 2002. These last years have been so much better without her (and Darling Husband dad) in our lives. They don’t even have anything to do with my son either (to my son’s liking). All I can say is hang in there. Your future hubby needs to take a stand with her. Good luck with your wedding planning. And I agree with the others, don’t even discuss the wedding with her. There is no sense in allowing her to ruin your day.
Post # 8
@eloping: he’s not giving her money anymore. i quickly put an end to that when he told me he had already paid her back [plus some] of what he owed her [for things other than the defunct wedding]
@esqbailey: trust me, he goes over there plenty by himself lol. i get fed up with being glared at and having rude comments made to me, so i opt out of a lot of sunday dinners. plus i know he needs his alone time with his family. ive spent time alone with her on more than one occasion. she’s just a very hard person to be friendly with i guess.
@cameronwedding: i know right?! so far the best thing ive come up with is to be snarky and rude back to her at times, just to show her she cant walk all over me.
Post # 9
WOW! Just WOW! My blood is boiling after reading your post. My advice to you since this woman seems to HATE everything about anything is to keep her out of your life as much as possible. What’s the point in asking for her opinion when she’s just going to make a hateful comment. I know you are excited about your wedding and want to share all of your planning ideas, but the more you keep quiet about things, the better off you will be. It’s a shame that things can’t be normal, I feel sorry that you have to deal with a person like that. All I can say is start putting your foot down now, because it won’t get any better down the road, especially when you and Fiance have kids. There is something wrong with her mentally, her behavior towards you and Fiance is totally uncalled for. What does the rest of FI’s family think? Also, what does your family think?
Post # 10
You might know about my own crazy Mother-In-Law and wow, does yours ever remind me of mine. I have a comment but might get flamed for it: My Darling Husband also lso had “debt” to his parents for a car loan from years and years ago. Their wedding present to us was eliminating that debt. But just before they did, Darling Husband gave them $1500 towards it just 2 months before our wedding! I go through life saying “in-laws didn’t contribute to our wedding”. They think they did. I think “I was not in the picture when you were irresponsible enough to let your son buy a car he couldn’t afford! And you better believe, as his wife, I wouldn’t let my hard earned paychecks go to you, anyway, so thanks for the ‘gift’ of relieving his debt!!!”
I feel for you. Ignore the hell out of her. She’s a witch, so your Wizard of Oz theme (love it btw!) is very appropriate 🙂
Post # 11
To Just Squeeze’s point, stick a witch hat on her at your wedding and tell her its part of the theme. She’s a nutjob.
Post # 12
OMG… sounds like you have too much stress with this nutty woman… as hard as it is just realize she has lost her mind and try not to let her ruin your day. and do what you want dont try to please her, because it is her day. she can be a crazy witch if she wants to. Good Luck my dear!