(Closed) My FMIL is in Denial

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

There is nothing there that sets the alarms off. Not everyone has a Mother-In-Law that is a duplicate mom, she may not be, but she could still be a loving Mother-In-Law.

Just move ahead with the planning and respect her. Ask her opinion on certain things, even if you dont care, so she feels involved and actually consider those opinions. She may have a point.

I think you should be trying really hard to set up the best relationship you can for the future. planning a wedding can be stressful and at the end of the day, the day doesnt matter but the relationships you form while planning does.

Post # 4
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Its probably a bit of both. You feel a little competetion and jealousy regarding his mother worship. And you want full support! Try not to make to much of things, it only makes it worse.

Stay strong and stick to enjoying engagement, regardless of it all ! 

Post # 6
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I have the same problem only it’s my FFIL!  He actually pretends like we are not getting married.  He never says anything about it.  If we bring it up it’s almost like he pretends he didn’t hear what we said.  It’s ridiculous and I totally don’t get it.  I am sorry I don’t have any advice for you b/c my own issue still hasn’t been resolved.  I just learned to ignore it for the most part.  At least you know you are not alone.

Post # 8
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@AJA1128: Honestly, be as nice as you can. My Mother-In-Law reacted the same way when we got engaged. Almost two years later (after our first anniversary), she said to me point blank that she thought that we would divorce when he announced the engagement. When we were planning, it was hard to get her to give us guest lists, etc. It felt like she was totally disinterested in it altogether. We still gave her information, etc. but didn’t really give her anything to do because it seemed like she didn’t care. We asked her to pick a mother/son song and she didn’t. We picked it for her and they didn’t dance it. Continue being nice and informing her. If she can’t get excited for it, it’s her problem not yours. My Mother-In-Law was more excited for my husband’s ex-girlfriend’s wedding and her now baby, then our wedding. It’s just a fact of life I deal with.

Post # 10
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@AJA1128: In the case of the guest list, have your Fiance talk to her to get the information. Our Pre-Cana/FOCUS therapist/whatever suggested that if I have things I need to communicate to her, have my Darling Husband do it. I rarely email her. I’m just not comfortable with it. I only communicate with her within my comfort level. I like your press club approach to it.

Post # 12
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@AJA1128: For us, I got to say in the open with a counselor there exactly what it felt like to be that position. There was no denying it then as is now. After her divorce comment, I told my husband immediately. He really wanted me to grin and bear it through the rest of our trip. For him, hearing it made the difference. He couldn’t deny it any longer. It’s still a rough relationship, but he knows exactly where I stand with her and why I won’t engage as much as he would like.

Post # 13
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Thats her baby and she is trying to process it in her own way which can sometimes be view in different ways. I have been in your shoes and I know how that can feel but keep your head up

 

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