- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
I really hope that I do not come across like a spoiled ungratefull brat but I am upset that fmil is insisting on doing my shower and it seems that she is more concerned about pleasing her family and following the “shower ettiguette”, or at least her version of what is proper, rather than taking my likes into concideration. I would prefer that my moh threw my shower since I feel like she knows me well enough to put together something I would enjoy and she would only have my interests when planning it. FYI, my mother lives in a different country and my sister is a 22 year self-centered woman-child who is more concerned with which bar to go on the weekend than my wedding. Therefore, I do realize that I am lucky to have two people who care enough to do this for me.
Well let me start this from the beggining.. My fmil in law mentioned that she couldn’t wait to do my shower before my engagement, but at the time it just seemed like more of just a hypothetical thing since it felt like we would never actually get engaged. My MOH told me that she would take care of my shower immediately after I asked her to be a part of our wedding. My fi was delegated to pass that info to his mother so she was informed that my moh was now in charge of the shower. I was really excited since I have never had a party for me and I knew that she would put together something really fun. A couple of months later I was on the phone with my fh and he seemed really upset. Here is what I dragged out of him… My moh contacted my fmil in an attempt to involve her in planning the shower. I guess they had some disagreements about the shower details and my fmil felt that all her ideas were being shot down (my fmil wants to involve 50 females from their family while my moh felt that was excessive since I only have 10 people on my list). According to my fh, she was sitting on the couch crying that night when he left for work, and the next day she woulnt get out of bed (a bit overly dramatic?!!!). After speaking with my Maid/Matron of Honor about this whole situation, we decided to just let her do whatever she wants. My fh seemed too eager to have this be the solution and I now find myself resentfull towards both of them. I feel like she is planning to spend way too much money, which bothers me since his parents are not contributing towards the wedding whatsoever and we could use the extra money.
Let me mention that I have hated pretty much every shower I have been to: stupid games, the bow hat, and the never ending gift opening with forged surprise at receiving the gifts you have registered for. Only after my moh volunteered to do the shower I began to get really excited and started looking forward to an intimate fun filled party I knew she would put together. Now I find myself dreading this huge gathering of people who are only coming because of my fh and all of the “shower festivities” I will have to participate in. I really wish that I could just tell her to cancel the whole shower and just give us the money.
My MOH feels that my fmil is very selfish and refuses to have any other involvement in the planning. I tried to get my fiancee to at least feed some ideas to his mother of the things I would prefer (a backyard gathering) but he refuses to be involved and thinks that I am being selfish and ungratefull since his mother is only “doing this for me”.
Thanks to anyone who read my super-long post. I don’t know if there is any advice that any of you can give in this situation but I would love to hear if anyone is experiencing anything similar.