(Closed) My fmil is ruining my shower! long vent

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I think you can have two showers. One your Maid/Matron of Honor throws for your side and one your Future Mother-In-Law throws for her side. 

It is tough when you are in the middle of it to see that people are doing it for you, but also for themselves and what they would want.  

It really is best to go with the flow for your long term relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law.  

Post # 4
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would definitely have separate showers and it’s pretty normal. Let your Future Mother-In-Law run with her shower and her 50 family members while your Maid/Matron of Honor can plan a down to earth shower with you family and friends. 

Post # 5
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you should have two showers. Let your Maid/Matron of Honor plan your intimate shower and let your Mother-In-Law plan her family shower.

It seems like this may be a traditional thing done in your FIs family; which, is now going to be your family. When a party is thrown in your honour unfortunately you don’t get a say in the festivities. The fact that she wants to spend a lot of money on your shower but is not contributing to the wedding should not be your concern. People have a right to spend their money the way they please, just be grateful that she does want to throw you a shower.

Post # 6
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would for sure go with the 2 showers plan. Then just try to smile and enjoy what Future Mother-In-Law is wanting to do. While I love my Future Mother-In-Law, she is not volunteering to assist with anything.

 

Post # 7
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I’d also keep in mind a bachelorette party for the group of 10 frirends you wanted in the first place. Your Future Mother-In-Law wants to do something nice for you– let her, and thank her for it when it’s over.

Post # 8
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with what everyone else is saying. Talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor and see if she would be willing to plan a seperate shower more to your tastes.

I don’t think anyone will be throwing me a shower at all, so I think you should be grateful that your fmil is willing to do this for you. It sounds like she’s really excited and is trying to plan something special, even if its not what you wanted. When you’re the guest of honour you can’t really be so picky about what the party is like….

Post # 9
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

Ditto PPs suggestions of two showers. 

Post # 10
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my fmil wants to involve 50 females from their family while my moh felt that was excessive since I only have 10 people on my list

to be honest im kinda on your FMIL’s side here – if was a friend/guest of your wedding but not invited to the shower i would be wondering why not and if i later found out you had a 10 person only “intimate” shower then i would be wondering so im good enough for a wedding gift at a mass event but not good enough to spend time with as a friend/family – sadly i dont think a bride can ever win.  goodluck!

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