(Closed) My FMIL is such a b%&#ch!!!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Hostess
4631 posts
Honey bee

Hmm. That is quite the predicament. I don’t know if you can have your Fiance talk to your Future Mother-In-Law and see if he can knock some sensne into her? I hope this will all work out for you!

Post # 4
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would definately have a talk with Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law so he can hear exactly what is being said. He needs to stick up for you. I would ultimately plan and pay for it myself. It doesn’t seem worth having to hear her complain.

Post # 6
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

On the crazy Future Mother-In-Law issue: Join the club!!! (JK!)

Regarding the Rehearsal Dinner issue: I think you should just cordially apologize (no matter how ridiculous) for putting her in an “uncomfortable” position and just ask what she WOULD be comfortable contributing (i.e. how much?)  This way, if she gives you a budget, you could know how to plan and what the left-over financialy responsibllity would be for you and Fiance.  I know she is being crazy and having ridiculous pity parties, but the absolute best way to handle this situation is with total grace.  Kill her with kindness!  She will never have anything bad to say about you if you begin your relationship on a kind note. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think MrsK2be is on the right track.  One other option would be to let her give you a set amount–whatever she decides and then let you manage the Rehearsal Dinner, which means you could at least guarantee there will be booze if you want it!

Post # 8
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Make your Fiance deal with her.  Trust me!

Post # 9
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

As a rule, your Fiance should be the only one addressing your FMIL’s shortcomings.  Whenever there is conflict, your Fiance needs to be the one to tell his mother she’s being unreasonable.  What I would suggest you do;

Accept her help with the rehearsal dinner.  Let her pay for a buffet.  Give her a copy of the guest list (not a negotiation, these are the people that will be there!).  If serving alcohol at your rehearsal is truly a big deal to you, then pay for it yourself.  With 20 people attending, it won’t be that expensive anyway.  Don’t tell your Future Mother-In-Law you will be doing this, just wait until the Rehearsal Dinner, and do it.  If she starts to throw a hissy at the Rehearsal Dinner, tell her she is not paying for the alcohol, so there isn’t an issue.  (I would also have her pay the restaurant up front for the food and such, tell her they need the money in advance so she doesn’t back out.)  If you do all that, then you can have the Rehearsal Dinner you want with the people you want and your Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t get to complain about it.

(I’ve dealt with a woman who victimized herself.  You will never change her, and if you do fight with her, you simply make her point for her that she is the victim all the time.  Refusing to fight or be baited into fighting deflates her argument.)

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