Post # 1
HELP!! I am not quite sure what the etiquette is here. I recieved a phone call from my Future Mother-In-Law the other day telling me that she was throwing me a bridal shower at her friends home whom I have never met. I politely acted extided but immiedetly feelt the dread come over me. Her and about 30 of her firends that I have never met are going to be at this party. Additionally there is a 50 or more year age gap and none of them drink. Which would really help break the weirdness that will be floating around the room.
I appreciate the gesture but I DID NOT want a bridal shower!!!! I am not into people fussing over me in the least. I am also very sure it’s going to be extremely awkward as I don’t know any of the guest’s. I also do not want to sit and have people watch me open gifts. I know it means the world to her to have this thing. I know I have to go and act excited I am just not sure what I have to do to contribute. I also don’t know how to get around the gift opening and have the party be as short as possible without being ungrateful. Also, what sort of gift should I bring for the host as I have never met her before? And do I bring a gift for my FMIL? Also, what are good conversation starters for completly awkward interaction?
Who know’s we live in the northeast this party is in JAN maybe a Noreastern will come and cancel the whole thing.
Thanks for the feed back!
Post # 2
Could you ask her to invite some of your friends and family too, or would that be considered rude?
Post # 3
Are all of those people also invited to the wedding?
This sounds super awkward, I’d probably decline. I can’t imagine asking people I’d never met to buy me a gift =\
Post # 4
She waaaayyy overstepped a boundary. Fiance needs to have a chat with her about 1. Respecting your wishes and canceling it or 2. At the very least, include your friends and family as well.
I would probably be super peeved if my Mother-In-Law did that.
Post # 5
Are these people invited to the wedding? I assume not. If they aren’t, then they don’t need to be invited to the shower. Tell Future Mother-In-Law that you appreciate the gesture but it isn’t necessary. If she *requires* further explanation tell her that you don’t have room at the wedding and therefore don’t feel comfortable accepting gifts from them.
Post # 6
This is very common in our area. There are a lot of community showers or showers thrown by the family with friends of the mothers invited. I think it’s very sweet of your Future Mother-In-Law to host this for you.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
nikki4983 : As a person with social anxiety, I can totally understand your hesitance. To be the center of attention in a room full of people you’ve never met does seem kind of awkward.
Unless Future Mother-In-Law is a drama queen, and this is part of a larger pattern, she probably meant it to be a nice gesture. Even if YOU haven’t met these ladies, if they’re longtime friends of Future Mother-In-Law it’s possible that FH knows them, and they just want to meet the woman who is going to be his wife.
Maybe suggest to include FH as well and make it a “wedding” shower instead of a “bridal” shower. If she resists that, or FH doesn’t want to attend, then I’d gently tell her that while you appreciate her thoughtful gesture, you would prefer to keep any wedding events confined to invited guests and that you would feel uncomfortable accepting gifts from people you’ve never met.
Assuming she means well, she should back off. If not, I’d ask FH to intervene and explain that you’d both prefer not to have a shower, but thanks for the generous thought.
Post # 8
Honestly, I think you should just go and be polite and gracious. It won’t be as awkward as you think because the women she is inviting will all know other women there. I know that it might be intimidating to meet all these women, but I think that it was a very sweet and welcoming gesture by your Future Mother-In-Law.
Post # 9
I think this might be cultural or even maybe a regional thing. In my culture this is very common.
I would smile, be polite and do my best to make small talk with the older ladies. This is very much something that is more for Future Mother-In-Law than it is for you (and that’s okay). Let her have it and as bonus you get gifts. Everyone wins!
I don’t think the older ladies will be staying long any how – my “older ladies” shower was 2.5 hours tops!
Post # 10
It is quite common and proper for friends of parents to offer to host. You can always decline, but I don’t think you should unless you are anxious to the point of dysfunction and psychological harm. Otherwise, exposure to unfamiliar social situations can help you gain confidence, especially a low key event like a shower.
I assume these people are invited to the wedding. If so, it’s a good chance to meet them and you have a built in topic of discussion. If not, I’d decline on that basis.
Showers are about gifts so yes, you would need to open and acknowledge them.
As for a gift, if the friend is supplying the house and hosting in name only I’d get gifts for both her and Future Mother-In-Law. Traditionally, relatives do not host a shower, though. Something for the home is always appreciated.
Post # 11
This is pretty common for my area too, my mom and Mother-In-Law did it with their friends and lots of people not invited or not coming to the wedding.
Post # 12
This is common in my area as well. My own shower was way larger than I ever could’ve imagined. I thought it was sweet and appreciated that people cared and were supportive. My sister is now engaged and going through this same thing but with our own mom. She wants to invite every person she’s ever known at all to every event involving the wedding including the wedding. I told my sister my mom had the best of intentions I’m sure. My sister is shy not at all like me so I told her she doesn’t or isn’t expected to have long conversations with every single person. Saying hi and thanks for coming at the event followed up as necessary with thank you cards. It’ll pass and the people that are close to you and know you the best normally take heat off by being polite to everyone and keeping you also a bit busy……I think they do it bc they are showing you they support you and want people to see how awesome her son did picking you
Post # 13
I agree it would be awkward but if it were me I would go anyway and try to make the best of it. You might have a better time than you expect.
Post # 14
Be flattered. She wants to show you off to her friends. Just pretend you are Kate Middleton at a royal function and making small talk with a bucnh of older peole you don’t know at all is something you can do. I’m guessing that these older women will be really nice. Probably very kind. If you feel awkard then turn the convesation to them eg “tell me about your family?”, “What was your own wedding/engagment like?”.
You are being embraced by the sisterhood. It’s all good. Really.
Post # 15
I definitely see how this could stressful, but it also sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law is super excited and proud to have you as a part of the family! Unless she has a pattern of needing to be the center of attention….
I feel like getting gifts from strangers would bother me most. You could ask her to specify that guests bring only themselves and their favorite recipes. You could ask they include a very brief memory with recipe that you can read aloud instead of opening gifts:)