Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
So recently I posted about deciding between doing a first look or not. You all gave some really great responses and gave me a ton of great information to think over! You definitely all swayed me to do a first look, not only because it would make my wedding day easier logistically, but it will allow me the opportunity to take some private time with my FH on our wedding day!
Well I was chatting with my Future Mother-In-Law about the Air bnb I had recently reserved to spend the wedding day and night at. We will be getting ready there and going to the wedding from there. I mentioned to her since as we were talking, that this place was great because it has lots of beautiful places for photo’s and both families will be able to be there on the day since we are doing a first look.
She was very displeased that I was deciding to do so. She was adamant that because we are not doing an elopement or court house wedding, because we decided to have a traditional wedding with all our friends and family invited, that we were somehow taking something away from our guests by doing a first look. She stated she was very upset that she would not get to witness the moment her son saw me for the first time and insisted that if we were to do a first look, that the family needed to be there to witness it as well.
I am confused Bee’s. I decided to do a first look mainly because if I was going to give up that special ‘walk down the aisle’ moment, instead I would get a beautiful private moment with my FH. I really do not want to do a first look if everyone is going to be watching us. I feel like it wont be authentic and I’ll be more focused on everyone else instead of having that special moment.
What are your thoughts? Am I the crazy one? Or is my Future Mother-In-Law over stepping here? She has definitely done a lot of over-stepping in my planning process, from insisting she come to venue visit to inviting guests without consulting me or my fiance first.
**I should also note that yes, she is contributing to the wedding, however her contributions are to cover the cost of the wedding being on a Saturday (I wanted Friday to save 4K) and to cover the cost of the 30 some people who she insisted be on the guest list even though my fiance hasn’t spoken to them in over 10 years and I have never met them.
Post # 2
I’ll be blunt. But fuck that shit.
The first look is for the bride and groom and NO one else. Tell her no and be firm. Not up for discussion.
Post # 3
You sound like a very sweet person. Your Future Mother-In-Law is completely nuts.
Post # 5
She is over-stepping and will just have to get over it.
Post # 6
Tell her to fuck off this isn’t about her.
Post # 7
Sounds like you’ve already taken a lot of shit from this woman, don’t take any more.
Post # 8
Won’t there be a photographer there? So you’re not really alone to begin with.
that said, I’d tell her she can see the photos after but you want it to be a quiet moment.
Post # 9
gunnabamissus : first looks are so common. You should definitely be tight lipped around her. Don’t tell her anything you don’t want her crazy input on. She just needs to know when she should show up to be escorted to her seat… don’t mention the first look again and if she asks tell her you’re still figuring things out. Jump directly to “please be at the venue at 5 for family pictures.”
Post # 10
This is a hill I’d die on. And I wouldn’t even make my husband do it.
Post # 11
Another vote for her overstepping. What you have planned sounds lovely and she needs to get a grip.
Post # 12
Tell her this is just one of many intimate moments between you and your future husband that she’s not going to be a part of…
Perhaps your F H needs to have a convo with her about some boundaries.
Post # 13
Save this moment for yourselves. You do not owe her ANY portion of being apart of the first look. And the traditional arguement is bullshit. I’d be fuming.
Also, when my husband and I did our first look my family walked by in the distance. Then they started congregating when we were doing our photos, I was pissed and told them to move along. It was very uncomfortable to have others there in a moment that I felt was just for me and him. So speaking from experience, draw that line with her and make it clear.
Post # 14
Yeah bee, agree with PP. Mother-In-Law needs that boundaries convo. Make sure you and Fiance are on the same page about this.
Post # 15
Agreed with all PP.
My Future Mother-In-Law wanted to be there for my hair and makeup trials AND our engagement photos. I am 100% certain if we were doing a first look I would be in the same boat as you! Stick to your guns!