My FMIL wants to be part of my first look

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’ll be blunt. But fuck that shit.


The first look is for the bride and groom and NO one else. Tell her no and be firm. Not up for discussion. 

Post # 3
3416 posts
Sugar bee

You sound like a very sweet person. Your Future Mother-In-Law is completely nuts.

Post # 4
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Stand your ground. 

Post # 5
2971 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

She is over-stepping and will just have to get over it.

Post # 6
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Tell her to fuck off this isn’t about her. 

Post # 7
87 posts
Worker bee

Sounds like you’ve already taken a lot of shit from this woman, don’t take any more. 

Post # 8
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Won’t there be a photographer there? So you’re not really alone to begin with.

that said, I’d tell her she can see the photos after but you want it to be a quiet moment. 

Post # 9
1058 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
gunnabamissus :  first looks are so common. You should definitely be tight lipped around her. Don’t tell her anything you don’t want her crazy input on. She just needs to know when she should show up to be escorted to her seat… don’t mention the first look again and if she asks tell her you’re still figuring things out. Jump directly to “please be at the venue at 5 for family pictures.” 

Post # 10
7991 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

“LOL no”

This is a hill I’d die on. And I wouldn’t even make my husband do it. 

Post # 11
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Another vote for her overstepping. What you have planned sounds lovely and she needs to get a grip. 

Post # 12
7853 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Tell her this is just one of many intimate moments between you and your future husband that she’s not going to be a part of…

Perhaps your F H needs to have a convo with her about some boundaries. 

Post # 13
1504 posts
Bumble bee

Save this moment for yourselves. You do not owe her ANY portion of being apart of the first look. And the traditional arguement is bullshit. I’d be fuming.

Also, when my husband and I did our first look my family walked by in the distance. Then they started congregating when we were doing our photos, I was pissed and told them to move along. It was very uncomfortable to have others there in a moment that I felt was just for me and him. So speaking from experience, draw that line with her and make it clear.

Post # 14
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Yeah bee,  agree with PP.  Mother-In-Law needs that boundaries convo.  Make sure you and Fiance are on the same page about this.

Post # 15
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

Agreed with all PP.

My Future Mother-In-Law wanted to be there for my hair and makeup trials AND our engagement photos. I am 100% certain if we were doing a first look I would be in the same boat as you! Stick to your guns!

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