My FMIL wants to be part of my first look

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
947 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

all kinds of fuck you to your Mother-In-Law. that is supposed ot be aprivate moment for the two of you. she can just get the hell over it. not her choice. just be blunt and tell her no.

Post # 17
Member
3009 posts
Sugar bee

This is the kind of thing that cements your future boundaries. If you cave and let your Mother-In-Law have her way, she’s going to take advantage of that. 

I would suggest to nicely, but firmly, tell her that this is a private moment you both decided on. I would also suggest your Fiance call or talk to her about why you chose this and why you agree together that it will be just the two of you. That way, she can’t just assume you’re the one pushing back and her son wants her there. 

I’m a big believer that people treat you the way you let them. 

Post # 18
Member
2122 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Does she also want to be there on the wedding night?

Post # 19
Member
1197 posts
Bumble bee

Oh my gosh no. Does she want to be there when you consummate the marriage too?! Some things are just the two of you.

Post # 20
Member
2338 posts
Buzzing bee

Get yourself over to DWIL Nation. This woman is quite entitled and likely to grow more so.

Under NO circumstances should you bend to her will, here or on any other topic. You and your husband are grown adults and are capable of making healthy adult decisions. 

Post # 21
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2019 - City, State

Nope nope nope!  Stand your ground and tell her absolutely not! 

Post # 23
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Nope.

Our wedding party/my parents were in the same B&B, and we told them to stay upstairs. It was annoying AF that one of the B&B owners insisted on hanging around, and I wish I’d said something to have her leave the space.

Post # 24
Member
347 posts
Helper bee

Would she also like to witness her precious son consummate his marriage for the first time? She needs to learn boundaries NOW. Tell her no. End of discussion. 

Post # 25
Member
9128 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
gunnabamissus :  I did a first look, and seeing my husband waiting at the alter was still special. The first look is for “hot damnnnnn we clean up nice. Omg let’s go do this thing” and then at the church was more “wow. holy crap – here we go. look there he is! omg he’s smiling, he’s so freaking cute. I get to marry him right now and this is the best thing ever”. Apparently I had such a crazy shit-eating grin on my face walking down the aisle that most of the guests assumed we hadn’t done a first look. You Future Mother-In-Law can chill. 

 

Post # 26
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

You should talk to your FH about it, and the reasons that it should be only the two of you…. which is exactly what a first look is supposed to be anyway. Then let him be your back-up when you break the news that she cannot be there for that. It’s a ridiculous request.

Post # 27
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Agree with PP’s. How ridiculous that she is making this special moment for the two of you about her. 

Post # 28
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Also, she might not be aware of how popular first looks are nowadays. Many traditional weddings have them and I’ve never once heard of a guest being offended by it. 

Post # 29
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds very controlling. I would set boundaries ASAP and make sure your FH is part of the discussion so she knows that he is standing behind you.

Post # 30
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee

Shut that shit down NOW.

 

And stop giving her wedding details if she is this self-centered and irrational. Save the headaches and fights.

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